Cry it out method with toddler

[wingingit987]

I am desperate to get my 2.5 yr old to go to sleep on his own currently I need to sit on the floor
Until he goes to bed.

My partner works nights im hugely pregnant I just need to be able to leave him.

I've been trying cry it out but is making it worse.

Please help.

We did gradual retreat at about the same stage and it worked well actually, might be worth a try if you've not done it already. CIO wouldn't have worked with mine as he just would have been hysterical but we wanted a solution because sitting on a floor for two hours waiting for him to go to sleep wasn't working for us.

I've always sat with mine while they fall asleep.
Why is sitting with him such a chore? Cry it out is so cruel.

One of my favourite things about The No Cry Sleep Solution is it gives you permission to go with what works. Eg you don't have to commit to a particular method all night, you can try your new method til say 11pm and then revert to whatever works. It might take longer to convert to the new method but it'll still work in the end.

With a baby on the way, though, assuming your partner is still around I'd have thought the most obvious first step is to get toddler used to dad doing bedtime, as much as possible.

There's a lot of people on here making a rod for their own backs! Can't believe people think it's cruel to leave a child to sleep, I'd rather that than have a 7 year old screaming at me every night to stay with them as is the case with some of my friends who never left them.
It isn't cruel and it doesn't have to be cry it out. Try rewards. Try speaking to them over the monitor if they won't settle. You don't have to be there.

@jakeyboy1

There's a lot of people on here making a rod for their own backs! Can't believe people think it's cruel to leave a child to sleep, I'd rather that than have a 7 year old screaming at me every night to stay with them as is the case with some of my friends who never left them. It isn't cruel and it doesn't have to be cry it out. Try rewards. Try speaking to them over the monitor if they won't settle. You don't have to be there.

Totally agree with this. I've got a friend with a now 5 yr old who still has to lay in bed for the child to fall asleep. They had the most gorgeous room for the baby and the crib / cot was never ever used!! The baby and now 5yr old has slept with the parents for their entire life. I cannot imagine the problems they're going to have trying to transition her into her own room when they have their second.

Have you looked at controlled crying. It was a game changer for us.

Gets sleep consultant and do sleep training. We sleep trained our eldest when shw

Sorry hadn't finished. We sleep trained our eldest at around 20 months for the same reason and it worked brilliantly very quickly. Now we say good night and she goes to sleep, before we'd be in there for hours.

I've just been through this with my toddler, the same age. My husband works evenings & I work until 6 - so sitting in the dark by his bed until 10 wasn't sustainable for me either.

I've now referred to a sleep consultant - my little boy can climb out of a cot, so is in a bed. We made his room safe with a baby gate, and now we start his bedtime routine at 7 with a bath, straight to his room, where he has a lamp with a red bulb (so as not to inhibit melatonin), he has a foot rub(!) and 3 stories. The routine lasts min 30 mins but no longer than an hour. At the end I say breezily 'sleepy time now' turn off the lamp & leave. If he really cries, I give him 5 mins, go back in & repeat 'sleepy time now' - then leave again for 7.5 mins & repeat incrementally increasing the time. The first 2 nights were very, very hard (although he only cried 25 mins total) - but by the the third night he cried for a minute & settled & a week in there's no crying at all.

I appreciate it's not for everyone - but both he and I are so much happier and I get a couple of hours to myself & can eat dinner now.

Have just read a lot of the responses & now realise what a cruel a mother I am

I wouldn't criticise anyone who doesn't use CIO, but the judgement on here is unfair.

Up until we did it, I was at the end of my rope - no time to myself - no time to get our house in order, eat a sit down meal etc. I lost myself for months, and felt desperate. My toddler was also waking nightly between 1-5, and was miserable during the day. Sleep issues don't just affect the night time - it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say it was ruining our life.

What I learnt from our sleep consultant is that I was inhibiting my toddler's ability to get to sleep by being there - even my phone would disrupt him.

It's only been a week, but he's now getting consistently 11 hours and even his nursery have commented on the dramatic improvement in him, he is so much happier. I can't believe the amount of guilt being peddled here.

Try a yoto player. I got one before my daughter turned 2 and she listens to it every night before she goes to sleep. You can choose what they listen to, the volume and turn it off remotely via the app in the early days. Now at 2.5 I let her choose her stories and leave her to it. She will also read books and use the potty and I rarely need to go in and see her.

Your child needs to learn a way to self settle without you being there. It’s not sustainable long term so perhaps time to try something different?

resolisprimaryschool.files.wordpress.com/2018/03/five-magic-kisses.pdf

Try this! Great success with my 2.5 year old. Only done it a few nights and it’s not consistently working but she’s going to sleep I’d say 70% on her own and a lot quicker if she needs me to stay.

I would never do cio. Ever.

My nearly 2 year old is the same. I have recently moved his cot back into my room so at least I can lie on the bed for an hour rather than sit on the floor in his room. So if he wakes in the night it is easier just to pat him back to sleep through the bars, rather than get out of bed.

It's just shit, but won't be forever (I hope)

For that age I’d suggest gradual retreat; it’ll give him the reassurance you’re there at first while gradually getting used to falling to sleep by himself. I’m surprised at how many people say stay to sit in with him, once the baby is here that will make it very tricky

Hi @wingingit987 didn't want to read and run as I am in exactly the same position, 2.5 year old, pregnant (not hugely but 1st trimester and very poorly!) and DH works late so lots of solo bedtimes.

DD has always been a good sleeper, the not going to sleep started in Jan and we thought it was another quick sleep regression that might last a couple of weeks. Is it May now?! Haha

Anyway we started off going in a soothing her reminding it was bedtime but didn't work. Then we tried leaving her to cry but we always broke and it therefore didn't work. I read a book and some stuff online and thought we'd made it worse by leaving her so I went to sitting in her room next to the cot with the story tape on until she went to sleep. I think the record was 3 hours but it started to get better. Then last week we went right backwards and she was messing around, asking for everything under the sun, wailing about different problems (like hand hurts, hair in eyes... nothing major...!) basically buying time and I'm sitting there holding her hand for hours on end reminding her it's bedtime.

This also coincided the last couple of weeks with a general surge in tantrums and wanting to get her own way. I've had to really toughen up as I felt like her flipping slave. Anyway I've took this attitude with bedtime too... I felt like I have no choice, I've been ill, I'm tired, I need to look after myself and the pregnancy and I'm spending hours sitting on the floor whilst she basically takes the mickey... I think it is fuelling other dictatorial behaviour from her.

4th night in of leaving her to cry and it's worked so far. 1st night was about an hour, and I cried a bit too outside the door. But she wasn't constantly screaming she was messing and babbling too. When she cried or shouted me I put my head in the door and said 'go to bed' so I wasn't ignoring her, but I didn't go in. I did this every time she properly cried or shouted mummy. 2nd night was half an hour much less crying. 3rd night was 10mins and last night was 5mins and only 3 shouts for mummy no actual crying.

I was terrified of leaving her to cry have read all the things that talk about why you shouldn't, the mental impact, etc etc. I said I'd never do it. But I had no choice. Last night for the first night since Jan I had my tea at 7.30... then went to bed myself! I have to look after myself too and I do feel being at her mercy at bedtime was making her think she ruled me. Lots of telling mummy what to do at the moment.

Anyway hopefully that story is helpful if you're thinking of things to try. I'm aware we may go backwards again but I feel like we've made some progress this week.

Just as a side note, my 2.5 year old is the worst sleeper ever. I've done it all except CIO, until I've night I couldn't take it anymore, left her for five mins to calm down (me not her, she was already crying), next thing bang. She launched herself out the cot and fell around 4ft. She hurt herself. The next night she did the same thing when she realised I wasn't in the room.

Moral of the story, CIO, if you're going to do which I still believe is wrong at any age, needs to be done much younger as at this age they are more mobile, less fearless and able to climb.

Hi OP. What worked for me was telling my DD it's bedtime and she needs to go to sleep but I'll be right outside in the next room tidying up and will check on her in a bit. Then I'd be in either my bedroom or the bathroom which were close to her room pottering about making noise so she knew I was close by and check on her when she called. I used to put audio books on for her too on YouTube on my phone (with the phone hidden in her room so the light didn't distract her).
Now we've completely got out of that routine and she watches tv in our bed for 20 mins and falls asleep in there and we move her to her bed once she's asleep. Takes ages to create good habits but it's so quickly to break them 😂

I think it's a phase, I wouldn't let a child cry unnecessarily but just phase out being there. At a certain point age 2 we talked a lot about it with DS, and I think having his conscious buy-in was important that he was ready and could say what he needed. He tried but failed night after night, gave up for a bit, started again, then gradually the time got longer before he asked me to come back and he would start falling asleep on his own. Returning every time was important to him, he knew we'd come if there was an issue so no need for us to be there. He experimented with a night light (no), teddies (no) etc. Now we do his bedtime routine and he dismisses us with "night night", then we have to dramatically run back for "extra hug" a few times and done. Occasionally he sleeps clutching a solid truck, but whatever gives sweet dreams is fine. Once or twice he's become extra clingy for a few days or over a week at two points, so he just gets extra cuddles those days, but he always puts himself to sleep afterwards. Your DD is 2.5, my advice would be to talk to her about it, explain she's big and needs to sleep on her own so you'll help her learn how and listen to what she says she needs.

I don't think CIO is a great idea for that age - I'd always give gradual retreat a go first, in any situation, and it seems particularly appropriate here - but I think the judgy 'why not just stay with him?' comments are being massively optimistic about how viable carrying on as OP is currently will be with a baby and a partner who works nights. I find doing toddler bedtime with the baby (11 weeks) pretty challenging when DH is around anyway, and mine (the toddler) goes to sleep by himself. I think OP will indeed find it has to change when the baby arrives if it's regularly just the three of them, and so it seems kinder to do it now than when the baby has come so that the toddler sees it as him being abandoned for the baby.

Thank you for all the messages been some real food for thought. This was never a issue before I did a very much softer version of cry it out when he was around 7 months and I had 2 days of crying for 15 minutes I went in a reassured him every couple of minutes and this worked until he became ill in February and now refuses to sleep on his own. He's in a cot bed with the side down but is moving to his new room big boy room this week. So I may just sit with him until he moves rooms as that's going to be a new transition again.

He no longer naps for me at all however he does nap at nursery when he's there all day on a Tuesday.

To be honest I completely worried how im going to cope when no 2 comes along and if I can get him to self settle then its going to be a bit easier... I hope.

@Hardbackwriter

I don't think CIO is a great idea for that age - I'd always give gradual retreat a go first, in any situation, and it seems particularly appropriate here - but I think the judgy 'why not just stay with him?' comments are being massively optimistic about how viable carrying on as OP is currently will be with a baby and a partner who works nights. I find doing toddler bedtime with the baby (11 weeks) pretty challenging when DH is around anyway, and mine (the toddler) goes to sleep by himself. I think OP will indeed find it has to change when the baby arrives if it's regularly just the three of them, and so it seems kinder to do it now than when the baby has come so that the toddler sees it as him being abandoned for the baby.

This is exactly what I was thinking. The baby is due in around 2 months so if I can get him in this routine now if feels much kinder than having a new baby take all mums attention. I don't want him to feel pushed out by the new baby so I'm trying my best to establish sleep routine, potty training (tho pretty non existent) and good walking he tends to run off and not stop alone now so its not a massive shock when the babys here and I can no longer force him into a pushchair. Xx

We did the CIO worked after 3 days maybe 4. First night was horrendous then less as each day passed. The problem is if you don’t stick it out that first night it all takes longer. It was horrible though but DD did start sleeping and everyone was a lot happier.

CIO isn't recommended. You could do the 'vanishing chair' start on the bed, move to a chair gradually move outside the door. No magic, took me about 3 weeks.

*move the chair further from the bed each night.

I did CIO with my youngest. It took ages and I found it really upsetting but after a few months it did work.

Then number two arrived and we co-slept which was wonderful (7safe sleep guidelines followed). Toddler was quite jealous I think but slept well initially.

They now wake each other up and both need settling back to sleep, want reassurance at night time and I give it.

If I had a bigger bed I'd just put us all in it. Never doing CIO again. I want my children to know that I'll be there for them if upset