...to not want to go on holiday to South of France to celebrate MIL 60th with newborn and 2 year old?

[JolieGirl]

I am currently 13 weeks pg with my second child and already have an 18 mo DS. Some months ago all of DH's family started planning a family holiday to celebrate MIL's 60th birthday. The plans were to rent a shared house somewhere in the south of france for a week. Provisionally everyone agreed to go 1st week of July next year, however since then I am pg and the baby will be born end of May.

I am really struggling to muster any sort of enthusiasm at all for this holiday. I have weakly raised a couple of potential red flags but even though DH is very supportive, I don't think my concerns are being factored in at all. I am mainly worried about having the baby late, or having a c-section and in either scenario not having time to recover before getting on a plane. The logistics of it all fills with me horror as well - the amount of kit we will need for a toddler etc, and DH's family are not used to children (DS only grandchild) and I can expect very little practical help. The heat, lack of sleep and lack of privacy (trying to get going with BF for eg) with a newborn are also playing on my mind.

Quite frankly when I look back to when DS was born and the subsequent weeks after his birth I think all I mainly wanted to be was at home, but he was a difficult baby who wanted to feed all the time and did not sleep much.

So am I being unreasonable? Should I just go along with the plans and grin and bear it, in the belief that second babies are easier? Or do I try to negotiate going later in the year? Or not at all? SIL even asked DH if he would go on his own!!! (no way would he and told her so). Just need to find a solution that doesn't p*ss them all off (I know they all think we don't see them enough as it is) and that I am 100% happy with as well...probably impossible! Any ideas?

Well my DD was born mid May and we went on hols late June - but to Cornwall on our own with the car and roof box packed to the ginnels - so totally different scenario IMO.

Plane tickets for the baby is no prob so don't use that excuse. They don't have a seat so you just add them on when they are born and have a name and DOB.
Deffo only 48hrs before flying with newborn. There is no problem there. Feed on take off and landing and their ears will be fine. Can't see any other issue with the flying tbh. The toddler will be the problem, not the newborn.

YANBU - there is no way I would travel in this situation!

Passport excuse is a good one. ALso most airlines def require a name to book a seat and as you don't know the babies sex (well you don't have to tell them if you find out!) then you can't do this. My sis lives in NZ and is expecting her first in April and is trying to book tickets to come back for Christmas next year - no airlines she has tried will allow this without a name for her lo.

As if you should need these sort of excuses anyway - it should be perfectly obvious even to people who don't have children that it would be unreasonable for you to go!!!! Good luck!

I took my dd away at 8 weeks and on holiday at 10 weeks (me driving on both occasions!) but they were to a hotel and a self-catering chalet in the UK. No flying involved and I had dozens of hands ready to help me wash bottles, change nappies, peg out laundry etc. If your ILs with the best will in the world aren't able or willing to help out then it could be more of a mission than a holiday . I take it driving to the villa isn't an option - you might feel happier in your own transport iyswim?

yanbu at all, its utter utter utter madness. i had mine 20 months apart and no way would i have taken them on holiday at that age. madness. dont do it

Madness?
I took DSs away at 10 weeks and 2 years and it was fine.

As for the passport, we got DS2's when he was 8 weeks.
Don't listen to all these people telling you what a nightmare it will be. I've done it and it was great. Just take as much baby stuff with you as you can carry and invest in a good sling and plenty of sunblock.

You should ask a doctors advise. I have been travelling with my two since they were very little. My doctor advised me to wait till baby was at least six weeks to take him on the plane as his eardrums were not yet properly formed, and could just "pop".

Young babies are easily transportable but if you can't afford it then you should say so. If it was me and I could afford it I'd go. We took 5 week old ds away last year and it was fine.

You have to want to go. If you don't want to, don;t go.

We knew that before DS1 was born in May that we would be going to Australia at Christmas time, so we were able to book his "seat" before he was even born, and we didn't know his sex. We were able to organise the skycot before he was born as well, we just had to ring up with his actual name and date of birth after his arrival.

We forgot to do it though. Even that was OK - we just had to buy the ticket at the airport the day of the flight.

I honestly don't think the "seat" (the baby will of course be on your lap anyay) is a valid excuse TBH.

Reading all these responses makes me think maybe it could be lovely for you all to be together for your MIL's 60th and a new baby to throw into the mix - but time of course will tell as there are so many variables. Who knows the baby could even come early .

I agree with pointydog here, If you want to go - go. If not cancel. Please do not go for the sake of others.

I went on holiday with DP his parents, his brother and SIL (who was pgt at time). It didn't work at all and 4 yrs on the family remains divided

I agree that you have to want to go, but it would be a shame if you missed it because you assumed it would be hell when it probably wouldn't be. Just be organised and make sure everyone chips in and helps.

YANBU at all! I would not even consider it personally. You will be sleep-deprived and only just physically back in shape. Also, my paediatrician advised not travelling before our dd had had her first set of jabs which was around 6 wks (if my memory serves me correctly) so could be problematic if your baby is late. But I live abroad so innoculation regimen might be different to that of UK.

Yr op struck a chord because in a similar situation (also S.France), owing to guilt, I gave out "perhaps will"-"perhaps won't" signals with disastrous consequences all around. So I think you are right to get it sorted out now as every impending birth comes with its own set of worries and stresses without having to worry about this trip too! As long as you have made it clear that you will NOT be attending, by the time July comes around and the new baby is here, it won't be such a difficult issue.

I find this really difficult to do, but someone advised me to use the assertive "I do not want to" statements in these sorts of circumstances (in this case ... "travel with such a young baby") as no reasonable person can object to that, as long as its done politely.

I also agree with those who think it might be nice to try and celebrate at another time or in a different way (perhaps send a video message with your new baby as star of the show or organise a SKYPE conference call on the day!!)

Good luck.

It is not 'utter madness' to consider it at all. But it is reasonable to assume some effort will have to be made, so yes it does depend on whether you want to go or not, and if you don't you will have a crap time and it will be hard. If you do want to go it will work and be lovely I think. However I enjoyed my family holiday (incl a 5 hr flight) with dd1 2.4 yrs and dd2 3 weeks because it was with my family, not my in laws so maybe this is the issue.
Incidentally I would love to see the research on babies ears 'popping' before 6 weeks of age . I guess you have to go on the medical advice you are given and thankfully no-one caring for me batted an eyelid. The docs appt I made before we travelled was entirely my idea and deemed unnecessary by the actual doc at the time (though he did do a very thorough check for me).
With regards to the travelling from NZ I agree you can't book the 'ticket' as such until the baby is born but I am surprised that they are having such issues with it as the baby can just be added on and paid for later as it is not actually going to take up a physical seat. That must be very frustrating.

YANBU if you don't feel comfortable with going.

I went on holiday with dh, ds, and MIL to the South of France when ds was 4 months old, and it was an utter disaster. Being sleep deprived and having to endure travelling with little ones, sleeping (or not) in unfamiliar surroundings, worrying about waking other people, etc, do not make for a relaxing holiday in my book.

Might depend on your relationship with your dh's family. If you get on well, and they would help you with the dcs, it could be good. But if there are any tensions they will be magnified 1000 times by the stress of it all.

On our 'holiday' dh and MIL bickered constantly. MIL expected to be waited on, and she spent most of the time telling me what I was doing wrong and complaining about things (and she managed to flood her bedroom and expected us to clear it up).

In fact, relations between us and her have never been the same since, and we'd never even contemplate going away with her again.

YANBU - I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old, and we're off on holiday this weekend - and I am making a mental note to myself should we ever have more children that I am not suited to holidaying before they are 4 months old! For me it just wouldn't be a holiday - too much to do with bf and dealing with general newborn stuff. When they are a few months old they are at a much better age (imo) for going out and about with and for you to be actually enjoying rather than enduring things if that makes sense! My Mum suggested we all fly to greece to celebrate her 60th (ds would have been 5 months old). We still felt with heat/travel time etc it wouldn't be for us, so said we'd sit it out and do something another time to celebrate. In the even they all decided to rent out a cottage in the UK for a week - which suits us much better! Honesty is the best policy I think. Good luck!

YANBU - DH's auntie tried to suggest some sort of cruise for his nana's 80th but luckily the whole family told her she was nuts before it even got properly proposed to us.

Not only could no one else afford it, want to use their holiday allowance up on it etc...but the idea of shlepping kids under 5 ANYWHERE other than somewhere you have specifically selected to make it as bearable as possible is quite a lot to ask.

Good luck negotiating this...

This thread is from 2007..

PMSL Prammy Mammy!

Thanks for pointing that out.

How do these threads get resurrected?

No not NAIBU at all. We took DS1 6 and DS2 16 months to SIL wedding it Italy last year. It was HORRIFIC from start to end, little one hideous on the plane, screamed all the way to Milan; then he got a runny bum, spent three days in the hotel room on and off whilst he slept; room service was a fortune and there was nowhere to get any food, so DH went to the supermarket and got bread and cheese and that is what we lived on; it was boiling and I hate humidity; it was on Lake Como, where you could no walk anywhere due to narrow roads and crazy drivers; everywhere seemed to have a sheer drop to it.

DH was giving his sister away so it was we had to go and my sones were page boys, DS1 7 LOVED IT. I felt fat, white and knackered and of course the wedding was full of 20 something tanned skinny lovlies! And DS2 pooped all over me during the best mens speech, thankfully I was outside! I ended up sitting on the hotel balcony in tears on the phone to my brother one night as it was all too much. The only saving grace was that I touched the wall of George Clooneys house which was a few down from the wedding.

Oh and I forgot muslin squares, DS2's comfort blankets, I left them in a neat pile on top of the tumble drier, which meant a 2 hour frantic dash in Milan trying to explain to Italians what muslins squares were. And I also forgot to pack DS1's navy sandals as part of his page boy outfit, again another shopping trip and we got some from a supermarket!

I am NEVER going abroad until they are older and somewhere child friendly!

Thought this would make you laugh!

On a more serious note, it does seem a bit much to shlep off to the South of France one month after giving birth as you have no idea how you will be feeling. Giving birth and having a newborn is enough for anyone. Talk to your DH again. Good Luck.

LOL that'll explain why I was confused by someone being 13 weeks pregnant in June and due the end of May!!!