Surname

[kleew1]

We have a 3 year old who has my partners surname.

It's transpired he doesn't want to get married. I would like my 3yo to have my name also or to share a name at least.

Would it be wrong to now double barrel their name or include my surname in their name just now?

They know my name is 'mummy law' and their dad and their name is 'daddy surname'.

Yabu - don't change it
Yanbu - change it

[stillcrazyafterall]

@sunflowersandbuttercups

You can't change your childs' surname without permission from the father.

This is not the case. My DS had his surname changed by a solicitor by deed poll with no contact from his waste of space father.

[conywarp]

@MrsFin

I disagree. It's important for children to know their parents names, phone numbers and addresses as soon as possible, in case they ever get separated from their parents accidentally.

Again, I was talking about context, not content.

[Naunet]

Just give your child YOUR name. Start the process of changing things now. Double-barrelling can get in the sea. If he doesn't want to get married, then he's clearly not as 'traditional' as all that (though he'll probably try to make out he/it is when he attempts to justify giving/keeping his name)

Tradition is that the children have the same name as the mother, it just happens that most mothers would be married and have taken their husbands name. I don’t know where this idea has come from that children get their fathers surname as tradition.

[InpatientGardener]

Haven't RTFT but I gave DD my partners surname then our wedding was cancelled due to covid, then we stopped getting on for a while and I'm currently changing her surname to my surname by deed poll which DP agreed to, if we get married then we will re register her anyway and we will all have the same name. The breakdown of relationship showed me how uncomfortable I would be as a single mum with DD having the same name as her dad and all his family so even though we're doing well now I want to safeguard myself for future. I would absolutely change to your surname only.

[NavigatingAdolescence]

@InpatientGardener

Haven't RTFT but I gave DD my partners surname then our wedding was cancelled due to covid, then we stopped getting on for a while and I'm currently changing her surname to my surname by deed poll which DP agreed to, if we get married then we will re register her anyway and we will all have the same name. The breakdown of relationship showed me how uncomfortable I would be as a single mum with DD having the same name as her dad and all his family so even though we're doing well now I want to safeguard myself for future. I would absolutely change to your surname only.

Let him change his name to yours? Is he afraid his dick will fall off? Why should you and DD change to his after all that?

[SoupDragon]

I think it is a good idea for a child to have the names of both their parents be that double barrelled of just as two names.

[SoupDragon]

or just as two names.

[InpatientGardener]

@navigatingadolescence or that, hadn't really thought too much into it yet.

[TownTalkJewels]

I don’t know why people think double barrelled names are so complicated. It’s just a hyphen. It’s no ‘clunkier’ than a long surname. Sometimes I think people just use that as an excuse to discard the mum’s name.

I have exactly this- my mum & my dad’s name, DB (although they are married, my mum just didn’t want to change her name). I love it, it feels very unique.

Spanish people have been doing this for generations. No one in Spain seems mystified. Go for it!

[TownTalkJewels]

@PlanDeRaccordement

I would have the DCs name be your surname since the father won’t be marrying you. If you like, can use his surname as an extra middle name.

I agree don’t double-barrel it because it can be problematic travelling internationally when your DCs surname doesn’t match either parent. You’d have to carry a certified copy of the new birth certificate and show it with passport at every border crossing.

I think most border security can work out than if parents are Smith and Jones, and the baby is Smith-Jones, this isn’t a random Smith-Jones baby stolen from elsewhere.

We never had this problem when I was a child.