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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About comments from colleague about me using Facebook

147 replies

CathyTurnbull · 03/05/2021 22:00

I feel a little upset. A colleague of mine (let’s call her Kate) is looking for a new job and I casually asked why as she had always seemed so happy. She was a bit vague saying she’d had a few issues within the department and wanted a change etc.

I was then chatting to another colleague (let’s call her Sam) who said that Kate felt there was a lot of favouritism within the department and it seemed that people are rewarded not by how hard they work or how good they are at their job but how popular they seem to be on Facebook especially with our head of department (let’s call her Anne). I feel this general remark was definitely aimed at me.

At the beginning of the pandemic I felt people in certain sectors had been completely mistreated and did heavily use social media as a platform to get my voice heard to try and represent people.

My colleagues went very quiet as I assumed they didn’t want to get involved which is fine, but Sam has seemed a bit dismissive for a long time. Anne is really nice and supportive but I feel there is some animosity with other colleagues.

Nothing has been said directly to me but now things are starting to resume a bit of normality there seems to be a coldness and distancing. I sometimes hear things said like ‘I’d never post x, y or z as it’s completely unprofessional and lacking in integrity’. Anne posts loads of stuff all the time on SM

I’m not sure if I’m over thinking this? How would you feel if you were me?

OP posts:

MynahBird · 04/05/2021 07:59

Are you in an MLM? Is Anne your upline?

Moondust001 · 04/05/2021 07:59

@CathyTurnbull

I’m upset because I feel others within my department think I am unprofessional without directly saying it to me.

I do have a good relationship with Anne, and I think Sam and Kate feel pushed out or jealous because of that.

I also feel a bit uncomfortable because I think Kate and Sam feel I am favoured because Anne and I have a strong presence on SM and they don’t. I’m sure they think all SM is rather silly which makes me feel belittled.

I think all SM is rather silly. I am not belittling you because I don't know you.

FFS you are incredibly self-centred. Everything is about you. If they don't like you, don't like SM, don't like your opinions, or anything else, then provided they are professional in the workplace - which is sounds like they are - then it is their right to dislike you and what you do. It's work, not couples therapy. They don't have to like you. And they certainly don't have to tell you they don't.

And stop trying to gossip about other people at work. It's poisonous. Why someone is wanting to leave is none of your business. You asked her, she told you, then you decided you didn't accept that and start talking about her behind her back to another colleague.

Honestly, you sound like a nightmare colleague from what you say about yourself - I wonder what Kate and Sam's version of it is, because I bet it will be illuminating.

Weeedonkey · 04/05/2021 08:02

I don’t understand OP, it sounds like you’re employed so why are you championing the self employed and why is that an issue for your colleagues? How is that relevant to any of you?

Meowchickameowmeow · 04/05/2021 08:03

What the hell is a 'strong presence' on social media? Do you mean you update your FB status 10 times a day because that's bloody annoying no matter who does it.

Bagamoyo1 · 04/05/2021 08:07

I don’t think social media is the issue here really. I think, for whatever reason (partly social media enthusiasm) , OP and Anne are good mates. Other employees feel marginalised as a result, and some decide they want to work elsewhere. I would hate to work somewhere where one other employee was particularly close to the boss. It would never feel fair.

Meowchickameowmeow · 04/05/2021 08:07

Did you put one of those frames around your profile pic saying 'protect the NHS' then sit smugly back thinking you were the voice for change?

grapewine · 04/05/2021 08:09

Does "strong presence" on social really mean "I post attention-seeking rants", I wonder.

This is good advice, OP. Take it.

Don’t post attention seeking rants on Facebook, you are not the voice of the people. Don’t have colleagues on FB. Don’t gossip about colleagues. Sorted.

ThatIsMyPotato · 04/05/2021 08:14

It sounds like you all use Facebook too much and should spend more time focusing on your work. Just ignore their comments but maybe tone down the Facebook posts.

GreenClock · 04/05/2021 08:16

Do they feel that you’re updating Facebook during work time and that the grunt-work of the actual job falls to them whilst you’re mucking about on SM? And the boss Anne is complicit? If so I’d be irritated too.

Vickles20 · 04/05/2021 08:19

Let’s call you.... Karen

BrightYellowDaffodil · 04/05/2021 08:23

Honestly, it sounds like your posts on social media have been viewed as unprofessional by your colleagues and it’s made one of them uncomfortable enough to leave. Maybe they see your manager as unfairly protecting you.

It certainly doesn’t sound like they are jealous of your “SM presence” or “popularity”, rather that what Anne posts is acceptable and what you post isn’t. It does also sound like you don’t understand the boundaries of professional behaviour, so maybe you’re not seeing the difference between what others post and what you post?

BrightYellowDaffodil · 04/05/2021 08:23

Let’s call you.... Karen

Let’s not, eh? Let’s not use a phrase that’s derogatory to women.

LolaSmiles · 04/05/2021 08:26

During the pandemic lots of people I know have shared things about their sector, furlough, thoughts on government support for self employed and only someone looking to find offence would take offence.

I would imagine there's a lot more to the situation, especially if people are leaving due to the manager selectively valuing staff.

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 04/05/2021 08:27

Were you updating FB during work hours?
Do you work at a union or other place where you represent workers?
Strong presence meaning massive number of followers or regular updates where lots of people engage with your posts? Are your followers just a handful of colleagues or do you have other managers? Were you always updating FB regularly or did it start in this job? Is your feed personal or only work related content?

Based on your post it does sound unprofessional but only Anne knows if this affects her management style.

Maggiesfarm · 04/05/2021 08:27

I don't believe Facebook should be used for work issues but solely for social or other interests. It seems very unprofessional to me to have a work Facebook account, if I worked anywhere that had one, I would not join. What has happened in the op's organisation has a sort of inevitability about it.

"I think Kate and Sam feel I am favoured because Anne and I have a strong presence on SM and they don’t. I’m sure they think all SM is rather silly which makes me feel belittled."

I agree with them 100%!
It's banal and divisive.

InkMaster · 04/05/2021 08:28

I’m not sure if I’m over thinking this? How would you feel if you were me?
If one of my colleagues resigned from their job I would assume that it was because they had found a better job.

I wouldn't think it was because I was "heavily using social media as a platform to get my voice heard to try and represent people."

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2021 08:28

Gosh, how many friends do you have on face book that you were able to represent three million people? You must have a really senior and publicly known role so this petty thread is a surprise in comparison?

HowToBringABlushToTheSnow · 04/05/2021 08:29

@Vickles20

Let’s call you.... Karen

No one uses that term anymore

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 04/05/2021 08:31

"I think Kate and Sam feel I am favoured because Anne and I have a strong presence on SM and they don’t. I’m sure they think all SM is rather silly which makes me feel belittled."

I don't follow your logic. Most people accept that SM as a massive time waster for individuals but enjoy it nonetheless . Unless SM is a marketing tool uses in your career then have you considered unfriendliness or restricting what these people see instead?

Royalbloo · 04/05/2021 08:31

Are you Marcus Rashford?

AbsolutelyPatsy · 04/05/2021 08:37

it is probably not about you op,
she just wants another job, mind your business

DaisyFeather · 04/05/2021 08:37

This isn’t about Facebook. This is about your colleagues noticing that your line manager gives you preferential treatment. That they’ve equated that with social media is neither here nor there.

I’m almost inclined to tell you not to take it personally but just to be aware of that treatment moving forward when you have new team members.

Besom · 04/05/2021 08:37

The FB stuff is not relevant. It is the relationship with the boss, facilitated by SM use, that the others perceive affords the OP favouritism.

OP you just have to ignore as petty and immature and hope Kate moves on. Maybe she is just shit and in denial about it.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 04/05/2021 08:38

I felt compelled to speak out and try and support the excluded. I don’t know why my colleagues would have a problem with that.

Perhaps not what you said but the way you said it.

I have a friend who says (/rants) all the ‘right’ things on fb, but in such a high-handed, smug, condescending way that she comes across as a sanctimonious tit.

You’ve clearly decided that your SM postings have considerable power, influence, and import. Other people may have decided otherwise.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 04/05/2021 08:39

are you self employed?

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