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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask: do you have an inner-monologue?

529 replies

allthatgrace · 03/05/2021 21:32

I don't have an inner-monologue and never realised that some people do. My thoughts are rapid, abstract and conceptual rather than verbal.

For example, if I am thinking that I'm hungry and want to start making dinner it takes the form of something like: concept of hunger+concept of dinner+concept of it being the evening/dinner time. After speaking to my family members they would have an inner-voice that actually says "I'm hungry, I think I'll go start dinner".

I have also always been confused about the idea of having an inner-critic that berates you. I've never heard an inner-voice say, for example, "nobody cares what you have to say, don't bother speaking, everything you say is stupid", instead I would just feel the sensation of shyness and wanting to stay quiet.

I can make myself have an inner-voice and I will use it occasionally, for example if I'm trying to remember a particular phrase or something but my default thinking is not an inner-monologue.

Which kind of thoughts do you have?

OP posts:
TheSandman · 05/05/2021 15:28

I also do what a PP mentioned in that i will often read a book to my child and be thinking about something totally different for the entire time. Then get to end of book and have taken none of it in. Possibly this is common for parents though.

If you have read the book often then yes I think that must be quite common. It's like driving a familiar route day after day You don't have to think about where you're going you just do it.. I realised at some point that I wasn't reading my kids' favourite Dr Suess books to them, I was reciting them while thinking of other things.

fistasledge · 05/05/2021 15:30

@Trillio you are my people!!

Your description is almost exactly the same for me.

I read this thread last night and thought to myself 'of course, I have an inner monologue'. Then I spent the evening the morning really working out if I did or not. And the truth is somewhere in the middle

If I'm doing that common thing of replaying an argument in my head and thinking of all the things I should have said, then I have a clear monologue. But otherwise I don't really. But I'm not really conceptual either

Like you @Trillio my verbal reasoning is great but spatial awareness rubbish (wonder if it's correlated)

And I can also read without hearing the words as such and therefore read quite fast. I was also noticing last night when reading a book to my son that I was reading whilst thinking about what to have for dinner-but think this is quite normal?

And it's not that I have nothing in my head. They are just thoughts in a sort of 'knowing way'. So if look at a messy bed, I don't think to myself 'oh that looks untidy, I'll make it quickly now...oh why didn't DH make it before he left etc etc'. I'll just 'know' the bed needs making and 'know that I'm a bit cross with DH for not doing it'

I can't really describe it other than instinct and a feeling of 'knowing' something

I had honestly never thought of it until now. But i also can create an inner monologue and do often do so, but it's a very conscious thing that is mostly switched off

AryaStarkWolf · 05/05/2021 15:47

@HalcyonSea

It's not "voices in your head though" it's your own voice thinking instead of talking.

But that's what those of us do who don't have the monologue: we think which is ideas, abstracts, concepts. What people have been describing is thinking "in words" which is really odd; so limiting in terms of the concepts accessible, bound by your own language and expressible concepts in it. And very slow and imprecise, like language, due to its nature. To think "in words" seems to be what people mean by a monologue and I'm so surprised and fascinated to discover this is how many people think, I had no idea. Rather than thinking then "translating" their thoughts into words as best they can when needed, within the limitations of the shared language of the person they are conversing with.

E.g. a 3 year old can have emotions and thoughts that they wouldn't be able to put into words even in one language until maybe 10 years old. If they limited their thoughts to just what they could find words for, they would not develop how they do. Language is for communicating as best we can but it isn't and can't express the sum of human experience, thought and understanding. I think that similarly, as an adult, limiting your own thoughts to only what can be said in words you know to use as a shared approximate reference point with others would inevitably keep your thought forever at a lower level of complexity and nuance and depth and limit conceptual connectivity between ideas.

The more I read this thread the more I think a lot of people actually do the same as each other but think they don't. I would say I have an inner monologue but that doesn't mean I don't think in other ways besides words as well. I don't narrate my life but I spend a lot of time saying stuff in my head I guess? Replying conversations, maybe saying "asshole" in my head while trying to civil to said asshole etc etc. I don't speak to myself about how to drive my car or tie my shoe laces Grin The last time I had this discussion (not on MN) it was with a person who said they don't think in words but also they couldn't think in pictures either or picture someone in their head either which must be weird for memories and I really could not get my head around that
OlympicProcrastinator · 05/05/2021 16:18

Trillo “I never realised until a few years ago that the phrase 'voice in your head' was a literal voice! i thought it was just a saying”

Me too! I can only ‘hear’ a voice if I actively choose to replay or practice a conversation. Otherwise it’s busy, but silent (unless I’m thinking of music).

lazylinguist · 05/05/2021 16:23

But that's what those of us do who don't have the monologue: we think which is ideas, abstracts, concepts. What people have been describing is thinking "in words" which is really odd; so limiting in terms of the concepts accessible, bound by your own language and expressible concepts in it. And very slow and imprecise, like language, due to its nature. To think "in words" seems to be what people mean by a monologue and I'm so surprised and fascinated to discover this is how many people think, I had no idea. Rather than thinking then "translating" their thoughts into words as best they can when needed, within the limitations of the shared language of the person they are conversing with.

Language is incredibly varied and subtle, and can be vague or precise. There is evidence that the way people think and the way they see and interpret the world is at least partly shaped by the language they speak (presumably whether they have an inner monologue or not).

Thinking in words can't be that odd, since most people seem to do it. It is a bit odd for you to declare as 'limited' something that you apparently haven't experienced and didn't even know was a thing. As for your belief that language is merely for 'communicating as best we can', as though it's some blunt tool... think of the things expressed in literature. I think language gives experience and feelings more meaning and complexity, rather than being a poor interpretation of them.

If I have non-word-based thoughts, they tend to be immediate, primitive-type feelings, like if I stub my toe or feel hungry or tired. More complex emotions and thoughts come with language for me.

Orangeinmybluelightcup · 05/05/2021 16:24

I'm really confused about whether I do have an inner monologue or not :S
I'm constantly replaying and rewriting conversations and planning / imaging future ones and thinking about things. Is that it? Genuinely confused!
Also a bit of a maladaptive daydreamer, it's how I go to sleep.

lazylinguist · 05/05/2021 16:28

@Orangeinmybluelightcup - the replaying and planning isn't really it, although lots of people do that. The monologue is more just your normal constant stream of thoughts and observatas you go about your day, but in words (whereas other people's thought stream is in abstract images, concepts, feelings etc).

Allthegranola · 05/05/2021 16:30

The only time my inner monologue shuts up is if it's playing music in my brain instead!

It's just never quiet in my head.

Ohcrapbags · 05/05/2021 16:34

It's just never quiet in my head.

This is why I don't like music. Dh loves music and always wants it on. It just winds me up as it's more noise.

I'm constantly taking in my head, thinking about things. I can't take the outside noise.

Ohcrapbags · 05/05/2021 16:35

And I am a maladaptive daydreamer.
I prefer what's in my head to real life if I'm honest, I always have done.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/05/2021 16:36

@Orangeinmybluelightcup

I'm really confused about whether I do have an inner monologue or not :S I'm constantly replaying and rewriting conversations and planning / imaging future ones and thinking about things. Is that it? Genuinely confused! Also a bit of a maladaptive daydreamer, it's how I go to sleep.
haha me too, I was sure I did until I read some of these posts, I do most of the things people have mentioned on the thread at different times
YukoandHiro · 05/05/2021 16:37

Yes lots of internal chatter here too. I often wonder what the peace of no monologue would be like.

ofwarren · 05/05/2021 16:38

Me too, I also do both. If you have a conversation in your head then you have a monologue. I expect most people do a mixture of both to be honest.

meow1989 · 05/05/2021 16:50

I don't think so? I daydream constantly and will practice conversations in my mind sometimes but I think I think the same as op, so for example alarm goes off, I'll hit snooze, repeat until eventually I know I should get up, but I don't think there's a narrative to it, just action. I do sometimes think "for goodnesss sake" etc when something annoys me.

Twoforthree · 05/05/2021 17:11

When watching telly I have a pretty constant commentary going on.

Not for me. When I watch tv I switch off completely and am just absorbed in what I'm watching. My mind is completely blank of other thoughts. It's my relaxation.

littlepeas · 05/05/2021 17:21

@Ohcrapbags

It's just never quiet in my head.

This is why I don't like music. Dh loves music and always wants it on. It just winds me up as it's more noise.

I'm constantly taking in my head, thinking about things. I can't take the outside noise.

Yes! I am the same. I get overwhelmed very quickly in any noisy environment and hate background music/radio/tv. I find it very distracting and annoying. If I put music on I have to listen to it with full attention, sing along, etc, otherwise it’s just an annoyance.
Jasmin82 · 05/05/2021 17:42

I have one. I'd love to know where the off button is sometimes.

Katyy · 05/05/2021 17:52

Yes I always have had this and noticed it’s got a lot worse as I’ve got older. Now in my 60s I’ve started replying out loud to the thoughts sometimes, the other day I was in the supermarket and I said out loud what’s the point ! I was so pleased I had a mask on !

Blah1881 · 05/05/2021 18:20

Wow OP you sound fascinating! What do you do professionally? Something requiring logical reasoning/ strategising/ coding? My own inner monologue is quite Proustian I suppose, I get distracted by things that spark memories and ideas, setting off trains of thought. There are trains that lead to regrets but I derail those. The exception is my inner driving voice which is that of a boy racer.

AmyandPhilipfan · 05/05/2021 18:59

I definitely think in words and sentences but I wouldn’t say I have a constant monologue going on. And it is my voice I hear, so I wouldn’t ever think in terms of ‘you’re so shit, you’re awful’ or anything like that but I might think ‘oh my God, I cannot believe I’ve let myself get so fat!’ for example.

If I’m going for a walk or something I tend to daydream and make up stories. Some of the stories are ones I’ve been imagining for decades.

I don’t tend to do it so much these days but if I watch a film I quite often imagine new characters in it. I think this is because I like horror films but also like happy endings so I imagine characters who I can be sure won’t die by the end as I always keep them safe in the film!

GenuineViolet · 05/05/2021 19:02

I can't really describe it other than instinct and a feeling of 'knowing' something

Exactly. You just observe something. I walked into the kitchen and the fridge door wasn't properly closed. I observed that. It would have been my dh. I knew that. I felt cross because he's always doing it. None of this was, or needed to be, translated in my head by actual words. I looked out the window and saw three robins together, which I found unusual. All these things I'm using words to communicate on here. I don't need words to communicate it to myself because I know it. It's ideas and concepts and observations. No words necessary in my head. Only if I want to communicate it to someone.

hugocat · 05/05/2021 19:48

OP are you an extrovert or introvert? I'm guessing more introverted people talk to themselves in their head, I know I do Grin

Natsku · 05/05/2021 19:54

Yes, and it doesn't bloody shut up.

Just looked up maladaptive daydreaming - definitely have that

itsfictionstupid · 05/05/2021 19:56

Really interesting thread. I have a constant chatter going on in my head and am awaiting ADHD assessment. It's descriptions of things, explanations of what I'm doing, dialogue featuring real or imaginary people, random words. I talk out loud if nobody is here or if I'm in the car. Occasionally I forget and say something when people are in the house Blush.

I also do maladaptive daydreaming. I don't have aphantasia but I mostly only visualise things I know well e.g. if I think of a park it will be my local park. But I kind of know what things look like in my head without being able to see them if that makes sense.

Natsku · 05/05/2021 20:09

I sometimes get stuck on repeat in my head, like my inner voice will say the same sentence over and over again and its really hard to stop it. Anyone else get this?

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