Do you think being born and raised in your country of origin can be considered a privilege ?

[maggiecian]

Just that really.

Do you never just feel 'lesser than'? Like you don't quite fit ? Like people always mention your background and you feel separate and different because of it ?

I don't feel less then but I do feel different. My parents settled in a very diverse part of London & I didn't actually become friends with someone who's parents were not immigrants until uni. Having said that my closest friends & DH who I met at uni are all 2nd gen immigrants & my closest colleagues the same. I seem to have more in common with them.

Immigrant= their life back home is hard and they're most likely poor. Coming here to improve economic outcomes or safety

I feel the same, my mum first left her home country at 17 because she needed to work - which seems crazy to me.

(Am up with the baby)

@maggiecian honestly no. I found the first 6 months hard (moved at 5, couldn't speak English and went from Italian nursery to English school, where the other DC could read and write) but I caught up.

As an adult the only I felt like I was an immigrant was 2016-2020 (Brexit). Luckily I'm from a vote Remain area but the stress and uncertainty of who was moving away and who was getting settled status was horrible - mums 2 best friends both emigrated back to their original countries - the rest of us eventually managed to get settled status (it was simple for me, harder for long term SAHMs/disabled friends).

I honestly was so angry about the whole Brexit thing though I wanted to gone back -but I have two British DC. They are lucky though because they are entitled to EU passports.

I think there are privileges and disadvantages with both experiences. Those who are born and raised in their country of origin have the privilege of stronger roots and a more developed sense of belonging. However, their life experience is usually narrower. Children of expats and immigrants live with TCK syndrome—that uncomfortable sense of rootlessness that comes from never fully belonging anywhere—but these kids often develop some really great traits as a result, including being more adaptive, resilient, and open minded. Bilingualism and/or multilingualism also come with benefits in terms of overall cognitive performance.

I was born and raised in my country of origin (a rich western country), but have spent almost my entire adult life outside of that country, both as an expat and as an immigrant. My children have parents from two different countries and thus dual citizenship. We now live in a third country—a rich European one—where we hope to nationalize as a family, because we feel it offers the best life chances for our children. They are growing up multilingual in a hugely international environment, and their worldview is very much shaped by their reality that our culture and language at home are not “THE” culture and language, but rather one of many. I think there is a lot of privilege in that breadth of experience, despite the challenges of rootlessness they will experience as third culture kids.

Yes, it is a privilege from my perspective. I often think about that regarding my own children - they have one native and one foreign (me) parent, but my ex in-laws do not really accept my DC as one of the family, so in a way they are not allowed roots here either.

I think viewing this through the lens of 'privilege' is a mistake. It's a bit of a glass half full / half empty type question. One of my parents is from another country so my upbringing spanned two cultures. It wasn't a happy family at all (abuse from that parent) and unfortunately I didn't even learn my other language or have a positive experience of that culture growing up. But I always liked having two different cultural references and heritages. I was glad not to be 'full English' purely because I got two perspectives on life, so realised from a young age that there isn't one main 'correct' worldview. I think spanning cultures can lead to a cultural richness that is positive, even if aspects of it are negative.

The concept of privilege in many contexts just creates a 'them and us' feeling and experience, with no nuance, and is an unhelpful way of viewing life, in my opinion.

Every time there's a census, I get pissed off that I'm treated differently.

As an adult, you make certain choices to reaffirm (or change) your nationality and country of residence. You have no control over where you were born, and in some cases, you mother didn't even choose it.

It winds me up that I'm always a foreigner in Government statistics because of it.

Not for me. I was born in the UK but my parents moved our family to Ireland, in my experience, quality of life is much better here. Also lived in Australia for 4 years, never felt at any disadvantage for not being Australian. If you're coming from a different ethic background then it might be different.

Hear hear Charley50.

I’m a 2nd gen immigrant who’s not white, and I definitely have a sense of not fitting in anywhere. In my country of ethnic origin people just have to take one look and they seem to know you aren’t from there, same in the UK. It’s a weird sense of being on the outside. I’d like more of a sense of belonging if I’m going to be honest, to be able to go anywhere in the UK and not worry about how I’ll be received.

I live in a different country now and oddly find it more comfortable than either the UK or my parents country, so many of us here are foreigners that no-one cares.

Having said that I do consider being born British a privilege in itself as I don’t think i would have enjoyed being a woman in the country of my ethnic origin (not saying its easy in the UK either) . It’s complicated, but I do think it’s a privilege to not feel the fear of having someone point out that you don’t “belong”.

Not necessarily. I am very glad to have been born, and grown up, in England and I accept that we who live here have better circumstances than people in other countries. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I suppose that is 'privilege' in a way but I am here by an accident of birth, I could just as easily have been born somewhere else.

Want some ketchup for that massive chip on your shoulder OP? Ffs, what next

@grantoderek

Want some ketchup for that massive chip on your shoulder OP? Ffs, what next

I dont think OP has a chip on her shoulder - it is an interesting discussion to have. Besides, you are showing your privilege. In my country it would be mayonnaise!!!!

@grantoderek

Want some ketchup for that massive chip on your shoulder OP? Ffs, what next

Someone needs deporting back to the Cuntrepublic 🤨

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Hahahah brilliant

I wouldn’t call it privilege - because to some people it is an advantage and to some a disadvantage.

Eg some people who grow up abroad then immigrate may not have the same accent as their sibling who just grew up in the place they now live. Also, the initial adjustment may have been difficult (eg bullying at school).

However - maybe the sibling that grew up abroad may know more of the language and customs of growing up abroad. Pros and cons, different experiences. Overall - I feel like it has been an advantage to me to grow up abroad. I do feel a bit rootless, but that’s ok - I think I benefit more from having more international, inter-cultural experiences.

Ps - not saying that having a non ‘English’ accent is bad - I don’t have a typical English one. But it can bring about some prejudice for some people.

Because our family is traceable with names, addresses for about 500 years I feel a confidence in being British. No one grants me any privileges nor do we look for any. The law is the same, conventions and etiquette apply to us all.
For a time I worked in Middle East, as an expat, my only commitment to those countries was via the project I was on. No way I could register to vote or take part in affairs.
Not allowed to stay in country after contract even if I wanted to.
BTW we are not royalty. Ancestors are merely recorded on rent rolls and such.

OH is white but his parents are immigrants, he doesn't feel any different to anyone else and has lots of benefits - bilingual, dual nationality so also has an EU passport as well as UK, holiday home in the country he's from that he inherited tax free due to his parents being from there.

People spend far too much time looking for ways in which they are less privileged IMO rather than looking at how lucky they are and finding the positives.

@Tal45

OH is white but his parents are immigrants, he doesn't feel any different to anyone else and has lots of benefits - bilingual, dual nationality so also has an EU passport as well as UK, holiday home in the country he's from that he inherited tax free due to his parents being from there.

People spend far too much time looking for ways in which they are less privileged IMO rather than looking at how lucky they are and finding the positives.

You could say that about anything though. It's like saying that we can't complain about anything, compared to starving children in Africa.

It definitely has its benefits, I don't disagree. But if that's not your reality, you can't really understand it.

@Tal45

He’s white, rich and a man . So win/win/win for him, can’t compare to others experiences

This is an interesting question - DH and I are both immigrants to the UK, and we definitely feel that we don't truly "belong" either here or in our (different) home countries. Both of us have lived in the UK almost our entire adult lives, having moved here in our early twenties, so we do consider it our home. However, there are plenty of things that are still quite foreign to us (it took work to get to grips with the school system, for example).

There are definitely some advantages to not-quite-belonging, however. While it is sometimes a bit sad to feel disconnected from the nicer parts of UK culture, there are other elements in which we feel privileged to be "free" of it - in particular, the class system, which neither of us really fit into and therefore do not feel constrained by.

No.

The world is a big place ,it does wonder for your mental health to realise it and having done some travel.

It's a privileged to be in one of the "rich" and safe countries, but that's it.

I'm foreign born, white and have lived here a long time and have an English accent and most everyone thinks I'm English

Partner is born in England, brown, identifies as English but isn't as widely accepted as English as I am