To struggle so, so much with keeping this house clean.

[user1488481370]

Me and OH, 4 DC’s ranging from 5 months to 11 years.
OH doesn’t do much around the house. He will wash up the odd night and take rubbish out when promoted. He does work long hours but should definitely do more. Eldest DD’s will do things when nagged (which a lot of the time is more exhausting to me than just doing the job myself)

We have an insane amount of laundry and I am sick to death of washing plates, cups, bottles, pans several times a day. We’re in a small 2 bed which doesn’t help matters at all but I just can’t seem to keep on top of anything. I never stop, even now I’m feeding the baby and dictating this to my phone!

There’s clutter everywhere, toys every where. I start one job and the baby cries of the toddler flings herself off something. I then put her in her playpen and she screeches so loudly that she wakes the baby. I just never seem to get anything done ever.

I’ve never felt so unsupported, anxious, pushed aside, judged and shat on as I have being a SAHM.

My friends seem to be able to keep on top of this stuff, I just feel like a failure and feel like I spend all of my time cleaning/doing chores. I wish we could go for a walk or do some painting, play board games without having to worry about the fact that the house is a tot shit hole. I’m currently doing the TOMM but it doesn’t seem to help really. It’s undone as soon as I’ve done it. I get so anxious and mad about things getting undone and I’m so angry and resentful that no one else puts the effort in that I do. I’m sat looking around at my living room and there’s the half washed down high chair from dinner time that I had to abandon because the baby pooped up her back. There’s food on the floor, baby bath still out, shitty clothes at the bottom of the stairs.

Is this normal?? I just feel like I’m failing at life.

Sorry, I have to ask. Why have 4 children in such a small set up?

No, it’s not normal. It’s impossible to stay on top of all that in such an overcrowded house. You need 5 bedrooms not 2 and you’d have a lot less mess. It’s not sustainable. What can you do to get a bigger place? More hours at work? Move to cheaper area? Rent instead of buy? These are the tips you need not how to manage to keep it clean.

You are not alone at all, I have one baby and I find it really tough to get everything done sometimes. I’m heavily pregnant with my second so that slows me down something fierce, and by the time I finish work I am fit for sleep half the time. It can be very overwhelming. There is so much clutter in my place at the moment. We are in a two bed aswell and are finding it tight for space so it must be very hard to keep on top of all the belongings for you. I’m following with interest to see if any good tips come up that will help me too!!!

Sounds like my house and I've got 1 toddler. You're sounding like super mum to me. Be kind to yourself OP.

Thanks all! Yes, we have LOADS of clutter. Partly because we have such an age range of children.
But we certainly have more than our fair share of useless objects. The problem is setting the time aside to go through it all and get rid.

Our living situation is ridiculous to be Frank. Our house is actually a one bed house with a stud wall to turn it into a two bed. 11, 7 & 1 year old are in a tiny bedroom whereas myself, OH and 5 month old are in our bedroom. This means all toys etc are in the living room (which is actually a decent size).

It’s very complicated, i may have discussed it in past threads so please have a browse if you wish to fill in the blanks, but, in a nutshell, we live on a farm (OH is the farmer, MIL owned it, it now forms her estate). We were meant to be knocking through into the main farmhouse for 2 extra bedrooms. MIL died and we’re currently dealing with the absolute shit show which was her will and having a really, really difficult time with OH’s brother and wife who live on site. They’re refusing to let us knock through into the main farmhouse. They’re trying to drive us out to put it simply. It’s a while other thread and I have gone into more detail on the legal board.

OH is a complete and utter bone idle arsehole when it comes to DC’s and the house. I’ve tried laminated chore charts for the eldest 2 DDs. I’ve started earlier with the 1 YO and she’s great so far (minus food throwing and pulling everything out of everywhere) She puts things in the bin, plates go straight into the sink, shoes are taken off and lined up etc.

I could certainly do with learning some decent habits too! I do try but I often don’t finish a lot of jobs because something more urgent crops up and I’m forever chasing my tail.

I’ve actually had bloods taken recently and have been diagnosed with an under active thyroid and anaemia which probably doesn’t help matters (and also explains why I’m exhausted and feeling like utter crap)

Ah. Thanks for explaining. I have friends whose parents leave such a mess behind with poorly worded wills, or no wills at all.

Why do people do this?

@Moonstone1234 it’s really awful. It’s dreadful what it does to families too. OH and his brother never got on but there’s no coming back from this for them.
This was poorly worded, poorly and unfairly split up. What a mess!

YANBU - 4 DC ranging from 5 months to 11 years in a small house, it's no wonder you are struggling. You OH needs to step up more and help you. Could you afford to move to a bigger place? could you afford some cleaning help? Would a declutter help do you think? I'm sorry I have no advice that is going to help you massively - actually I went to work full time and DH was the SAHP so I never cracked it myself! But we had a cleaner twice a week as I am out of the house for long hours and I only really expected him to keep the kids happy (twins) and do what he could.

Its not tour fault. I think that you are over crowded. Any plan to move .. applied to the housing associatio s or anything ? This may impact on you and you cd argue your case ?
Until this can be sorted id see if i could use any space outside to store what you would need and use in a bigger house.store anything at someone you knows house or garage ??
In the meantime id simplify everything. Id also get the kids help to clean with you as a daily routine. Mine did emergecy family cleans with me from a young age as well as usual cleaning. I would also give them hand cream to putt on my feet as a game which they loved and we wd all watch tv whilst doing it .. i wd use the time to power up / rest.. its important to rest too .
Simplify.
Cook when its the less frassled time of rhe day? I always cooked the eve meal after breakfast.. i know it sounds silly but it was the least hectic time in the day ( pre school years) and i felt a little more in control knowing ot was done and in better position to take whatever the day threw at me . I also had a washing pile which defeated me !!

You are almost in an impossible situation. What about giving yourself a timescale and then making your own arrangements. Life really is too short. How long before the will is sorted? You honestly cannot have 3-4 growing children in one bedroom.

What about asking your solicitor for a honest answer and timeline to resolving this and then try and take control back.

Goodness, 4 kids including baby is enough of an answer in itself. There is only so much you can do with 4 kids underfoot in a small space.

I like the Minimalist Mom on YouTube. You don't have to become a minimalist, it's more that she aims for simplifying things to take up less headspace. I find her calming and relatable.

Shovelling snow in a blizzard is the most apt description of this part of life.
4 kids in a small 2 bed.no bloody wonder.

@Cocomarine

6 of you in a 2 bed?! Bloody hell.

I think some things you can’t help, other things you need a habit.

Like baby bath still out. Habit - put it away, every time, immediately after use. Or, it lives in the bath and as soon as someone else finishes their bath/shower - it goes back in.

Shitty clothes at the bottom of the stairs - dirty clothes are either in a basket, or the machine. Never anywhere else.

Baby food on floor... yeah, it’s going to happen.

You need to declutter the toys. One large box for each child, they’re responsible for putting them back in when finished playing. Anything not put back goes into a black bin bag in your room for a week. If they run out, they run out. Habits need to be formed!

No new toys unless space is made in the box.

Obviously their father needs to pull his bloody weight too!

But I think the key is being really strict about who does what and when.

This with bells on.

Some things that helped me.

All kids get one box of toys, small enough to go under/beside/at the foot of their bed. Scoop ALL others into bins bags and store in a shed. Do Not Sort. On a rainy or shitty day it will be fun for them to swop out the toys.

Laundry bag downstairs - all dirty clothes into it immediately then throw 'em all in the wash twice a week.

Huge for me was an alarm at 4.30pm. Everyone into the kitchen, and house clean up started. All together, all at once each one cleans their own mess in every room. Always have a rubish bag and a cloth. When finished off into the kitchen for evening meal. Then upstairs for teeth, pjs, baths and COMMUNAL story. THEN into bed for their own reading time. Took about three hours but then I got time off! They should be in bad by 7pm/8pm. 11 year old can stay up later in exchange for reading the story time while you tidy up upstairs. It REALLY helped me. That mindset of "bedtime starts at 4.30/5pm."

Re OH - he should have a list that he does ALWAYS. Not sometimes this and sometimes that. 5 anoying things that you do not like he should do.

I always made dinner in the morning because by evening I would be exhausted and figuring that out was just too much.

It is not you btw - it is them, the house, the Will, Covid etc. You can only achieve so much so stop at yourself.

Most of all - good luck !

OP I remember your previous threads, sorry things still arent sorted. Anyway, you have 4 young children in an inadequate space and too much stuff for that space so no you arent failing, no one can win in those circumstances. But there are some good tips on this thread for making things a bit easier on yourself.

@user1488481370 I just wanted to add that I’m sorry for you, I feel stressed just reading your threads. And your OH’s brother is a nasty piece of shit. I know sadly, that offers no practical help. You’ve married into an absolute mess (including your poor stepdaughter) and I really hope it works out for you.

Huge hugs. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job. I have found Spatone to be excellent for iron levels. Maybe take a decent multivitamin too. I've spent the last year decluttering and honestly it has been a revelation. Start small, 1 drawer, 1 cupboard and just start making piles to throw out, donate and sell. I made hundreds of pounds selling old books, DVDs, children's clothes, toys etc which were never used and used to stress me out being crammed into every nook and cranny. Try abd par back everything, clothes, toys, books etc one thing at a time. U couldn't beleive how much i had of everything, towels, sheeta, crockery and most of it was never used. Set yourself small targets to start with such as spend 10 minutes a day decluttering or get rid of 3 things a day. You will see the progress in no time. In terms of the chores I would concentrate on your other half rather than the children as he should really be doing more to help out x

Massive de clutter
Get furniture that serves two purposes ie a big wooden blanket box (for toys) doubles as a coffee table in the evening.

However, looking at your other thread, clutter seems the least of your worries.

6 people and 2 bedrooms? That's tough OP. Do the kids all share one room?

You’re ill, you’ve got 4 kids and you’re living somewhere very cramped. If your house was tidy I’d think that was pretty strange.