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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you sibling relationships are like

62 replies

Beatinghearts · 03/05/2021 12:16

Do you feel parenting had an impact on them

OP posts:
londongram · 03/05/2021 12:26

My sibling relationships are pretty awful. My mum has narcissistic tendencies- so yes I think her behaviour did have an impact. I plan to cut contact when parents die - actually minimum contact at the minute - all conversations are about parents care needs.

Holly60 · 03/05/2021 12:28

Fab. I love my sibling to bits and we are close. Yes parenting definitely had an impact. My parents were close to their siblings and were able to foster a good relationship between us too.

Bonkerz · 03/05/2021 12:31

Non existent. 4 siblings were cut off when my mum died 16 years ago and the last sibling cut me off 6 years ago for reasons only known to them.

Basically I have no blood family now apart from my children.

Cabinfever10 · 03/05/2021 12:32

Yes I have been nc with my sister for 7 years she is a narcissistic (diagnosed) bully exactly like our mother.
Our mum always plays favourites I was the useless awkward 1(autistic) who could do no right whilst my sister could never do wrong. Even after 7 years of completely nc I am still apparently to blame for everything that is wrong in the family Confused
When parents pick favourites or choose a golden child they are setting the the scene for a toxic sibling relationship that will either last for life and/or end up in atleast 1 going nc

Blueskythinking123 · 03/05/2021 13:14

I would agree if in a sibling relationship there is the feeling one has been favoured, then it is difficult to have positive adult relationships.

To be fair I am probably seen as the favoured one. My brother has held it against me our whole adult life. If you ask why he doesn't speak to me, he wouldn't be able to give you a reason. He just seems to hold onto this intense jealousy from the past.

He is in a far better place than me financially and in theory looks to have the better life. He is just so bitter about perceived differences in our relationship with our parents.

I don't try to build bridges anymore. His negativity about me is draining and we both now keep a distance from each other.

lioncitygirl · 03/05/2021 13:20

We we not close before - we are very close now.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/05/2021 13:23

Love my siblings. They are my best friends. It's an easy, comfortable relationship I don't have to think about.

PumpkinPie2016 · 03/05/2021 13:25

I get on well with my older brother but my relationship with my younger sister isn't great.

I do think maybe our parents did contribute to that.

Me and my brother always helped out on holidays/round the house e.g. with washing up. Both got part time jobs at around 14 and pretty much paid for our own leisure activities. My brother didn't want to go to college but got a job straight from school and joined the military one year later -he has had a very good career. I went to 6th form/uni, funded myself and also have a good job.

Our sister was never expected to help, seemed to be allowed to do whatever she wanted, including being really quite nasty. Was always paid for so never worked as a teen. She did get a job on leaving school but was sacked after 6 months because she rarely turned up. Parents continued to fund her after.

It's still the same now. She has two children and still depends on my parents for a lot - money, food, kids uniforms etc. Whereas me and my brother sort ourselves. If it was a case of her being unable it might be different but it isn't.

I only have one DS and tbh, part of my reasons for not having another are based on my experience of siblingsSad

seepingweeping · 03/05/2021 13:31

Non existent. My siblings are horrible vile people.

My parents let them get away with everything and it was always my fault for being a "grass" and I always deserved what I got.

ghostyslovesheets · 03/05/2021 13:36

not close really - we meet up a few times a year for dinner but rarely talk in between - just 'like' FB posts etc - she never ever bothers to make contact it's always me/mum

Parenting - or rather our childhood has impacted on that - she was always the let off any mistakes and fuck ups - it's very much seen as 'oh that how she is' (drug taking, missing episodes, fucking up education etc) while I was always the sensible one - as a result she only had to turn up to something for mum to be ecstatic while I could never quiet to enough to please her - I guess I resent that - and that now we are in our 50's it STILL happens and she plays on it.

AlwaysMyProblem · 03/05/2021 13:38

Always been very close and still are, I've just organised a summer party for him which he'll love.

Yes I do think my parents influenced us, they encouraged us to be friends and separated us when we argued which helped. Always did things as a family as children so we spent time together but also apart.

Iyland · 03/05/2021 13:40

We didn't really get on when we were younger but from early 20's on we've been super close. I was bridesmaid at my brothers wedding and my sil bridemaid at mine. We live quite close by and he's my brother but also my friend.

Pootle40 · 03/05/2021 13:40

Like best friends. Would be lost without my brother even though he lives on the other side of the world. Some of the most memorable laughs I've ever had have been with my brother.

Merryoldgoat · 03/05/2021 13:46

My mum was not good at managing issues between us and consequently our relationship is challenging, but better as adults. I really didn’t like my sister when we style young.

iklboo · 03/05/2021 14:00

Mine are fantastic - I'm an only child. Grin

DH gets on really well with BIL1, only sees BIL2 & 3 & SSIL at family get togethers. No massive fall outs or anything. He's just not that bothered about taking to them / getting in touch.

sbhydrogen · 03/05/2021 14:31

I have three siblings, and we're all close. I'm closest to one, but that's helped by us living within a five minutes' walk of eachother for about 5 years. The other two I see on a slightly less frequent basis but we still talk all the time. I'm very close to their spouses, too.

I can only hope my children have a similar relationship!

takemetomiami · 03/05/2021 14:57

I'm closer to my sister than my brother. I feel like my brother has always had a chip on his shoulder as I was the favoured one growing up (because he was badly behaved, bunked off school, etc). Weirdly as adults I would say he is closer to my parents, but he doesn't like me much. We don't have much in common so I rarely speak to him, but we are civil if we happen to bump into each other. I speak to his wife more than him!

Crankley · 03/05/2021 15:01

From childhood to now we are in our 70s, my sister and I don't have a single thing or interest in common. We may as well be from different planets. We were civil to each other and in contact while our parents were alive but now we speak once a year.

Eyevorbig0ne · 03/05/2021 15:06

Sister. Not close. Rivalry. Last seen 2019.
Brother. Closer ❤️he's amazing.

LaBellina · 03/05/2021 15:06

Awful to pretty much non existent.
Makes me sad often when I see how my closest friends all have a very close relationship with their sister. My mother’s motto for raising children was in classic narcissist style ‘divide and conquer’. This definitely has had its impact.

I have always wanted to have just 1 child (from a young age, I have 4 siblings) and I wonder if I have subconsciously decided from very early on that I wouldn’t let my DC have a sibling because of how I grew up and the impact it has had on me.

Thelnebriati · 03/05/2021 15:08

Awful. My brother is the Golden Child, he was a horrible spoiled brat as a child, hasn't improved as an adult and I am NC with him.

Amdone123 · 03/05/2021 15:10

There are 4 of us and we all get on brilliantly.
I think parenting had an impact because we were left to our own devices, in regards play and entertainment. Us 3 girls all shared rooms right up til we left home to marry. Childhood was spent on a big council estate playing out from morning til evening, til my dad shouted us in. We had a whale of a time ; camping, building dens, team games.
We were also brought up as Catholics and whilst we've all lapsed, it was good for instilling values, morals and a sense of community, of looking out for each other.
A friend commented recently how generous we are with each other ; time, money, encouragement. This is so true.
We've lost our parents now, but were a tower of strength for each other. We dread anything happening to any of us and say if we could all go together, we would !

fuzzyduck1 · 03/05/2021 15:10

I get on well with my sisters but haven’t spoken to my brother in years due to an argument with wives. I’ve left mine now but have no interest in seeing his ever again so will probably never see him again. That makes me a bit sad.

ladygindiva · 03/05/2021 15:15

Pretty good. I really like my dB ( 2 years older than me) as a person and although we squabbled as siblings he was a generally kind and patient big brother which I put down to my dms strict but fair and loving parenting. We share a fairly unique sense of humour which developed throughout childhood and have lots of funny memories. We aren't a perfect family but we all love each other whilst not living in each others pockets. I think I'm lucky.

Allwokedup · 03/05/2021 15:16

They are my two best friends I can rely on them more than anyone in the world. My parents told us how important family was and modelled strong loving respectful relationships with their siblings. Parents treated us fairly and never pitted us against each other.