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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Need some perspective: my brother's and my baby

67 replies

Sunland · 03/05/2021 10:29

Hi guys, I am getting increasingly pissed off And need some perspective. I have a 7 month old baby. He has two uncles, my brothers who according to my parents are very excited to be uncles and ask them about him a lot. Everytime I speak to my mother she says how excited they are and that they have been asking about my son. This really upsets me as I don't understand why they aren't asking me about him. They have never really been close to me, rarely take an interest in me and barely talk to me (especially the oldest brother). I just feel royally pissed that they just aren't bothering to even text me to ask how he's doing, but instead asking my parents. I feel upset that having never put any effort into having any kind of positive interactions with me or barely speaking to me they feel they are now ready to be fantastic uncles to my son. At the same time I feel guilty that I don't want to cut my son off from a chance to have connections to relatives as we don't live near my in-laws. Anyway I would be interested in hearing advice even if it's telling me I am being silly about this.

Thanks

OP posts:

Freddiefox · 03/05/2021 10:31

Do you want text them? Invite them round? Do they really ask about your baby or does your mum just say that because she wants to keep the family together.

OverByYer · 03/05/2021 10:32

I have two younger brothers and when I had my children they weren’t that interested in them, I’m far more interested in their children. As for communication we mostly do so through my mum rather than directly, she keeps us updated with what’s going on in each other’s lives

nimbuscloud · 03/05/2021 10:32

Is your mother telling the truth?

Berthatydfil · 03/05/2021 10:36

Is your mother talking to (at) them about your dc and they are just nodding along which she is taking as them being as interested in your dc as she is?

squashyhat · 03/05/2021 10:36

I think the key phrase here is 'according to my parents'. I bet they are trying to cover for your brothers' lack of interest and they aren't asking after your baby at all.

To be frank if they aren't bothered about you why should they be bothered about your child? You could challenge your parents or you could just accept your brothers aren't interested and move on.

Horehound · 03/05/2021 10:37

Tbh they probably aren't asking your mum about your son, I think she's trying to be nice but is well aware they aren't interested.

If she mentions it again just says it's weird they never message you about him.
But they don't sound like they're Gona be good uncles so I'd just be leaving them to it. Ignore

WallaceinAnderland · 03/05/2021 10:37

I expect the truth is when she talks to them she is proud grandmother telling them excitedly all about your ds and they just politely make agreeable noises but may not, in reality, be that interested in a 7 month old. Don't take it personally.

HollowTalk · 03/05/2021 10:40

my brother's and my baby

Arrrgh if ever there was a misplaced apostrophe!

I think your mum is just being kind to you, OP.

Hoppinggreen · 03/05/2021 10:40

They probably aren’t very interested to be honest and there’s no obligation for them to be, especially if they aren’t close to you.
Your Mum is probably talking about how exciting it is TO them and they are going “yeah ok mum” and that’s it
Sorry but you are being a bit silly

Zealois · 03/05/2021 10:40

She might just be trying to be nice and make you feel like they're interested.

My siblings and I rarely communicate directly though... Our mum tends to keep us all updated on each other's lives. I'm fine with this.

Floralnomad · 03/05/2021 10:42

I don’t know why you are getting worked up about it , you say you are not close to your brothers so it’s no big deal really whether they are interested in your baby or not . I reckon your mum is wanting them to be interested and that’s why she says they are .

Howshouldibehave · 03/05/2021 10:42

How often do you text your brothers and ask them what’s happening in their lives? How old are they?

steff13 · 03/05/2021 10:44

Arrrgh if ever there was a misplaced apostrophe!

Right?! I thought this was going to be a very different thread.

RaspberryCoulis · 03/05/2021 10:44

for most people, a 7 month old baby isn't that interesting.

YABU to expect two men who have never really been that close to you anyway to be interested in your baby!

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/05/2021 10:45

YANBU
But what I suspect is really happening is that everytime your mother speaks to your brothers she talks constantly about her new grandchild. And the brothers make appropriate but insincere polite noises about “how lovely” “oh yes of course I’d like to see my nephew”

Then you mother takes this and reports back to you that they are enthusiastic and want to be a fantastic uncle. I think mother is embellishing.

steff13 · 03/05/2021 10:45

If you're not close, maybe they're not comfortable texting you.

SnarkyBag · 03/05/2021 10:47

I’ll be honest and say I think for whatever reason your mum is over stating their interest and they probably aren’t asking her as much as she is stating they are.

Original poster

Sunland · 03/05/2021 10:51

Thanks everyone. It's interesting and you may all be right that this is more about my mum wanting her children to be close than it is about me. It just really gets my back up because they are both so hard to talk to and despite my best efforts they just seem to not care about me very much. So to hear what my mum says it's almost like they are bypassing me to get to my son

OP posts:

sandragreen · 03/05/2021 10:52

@PlanDeRaccordement

YANBU But what I suspect is really happening is that everytime your mother speaks to your brothers she talks constantly about her new grandchild. And the brothers make appropriate but insincere polite noises about “how lovely” “oh yes of course I’d like to see my nephew”

Then you mother takes this and reports back to you that they are enthusiastic and want to be a fantastic uncle. I think mother is embellishing.

Yes this sounds likely to me.

Is it normal in your family for all sibling communication to be facilitated via your mother? I would try to change that and communicate directly with your brothers and take it from there.

MeanyJoany · 03/05/2021 10:52

Your mother lying, they aren't asking at all. She is just saying it, ignore her. If you don't have a relationship there is no reason to think they will want one with your child. Just tell your mam to stop pretending

heartcake · 03/05/2021 10:54

@steff13

Arrrgh if ever there was a misplaced apostrophe!

Right?! I thought this was going to be a very different thread.

Cringe

Horehound · 03/05/2021 10:58

You need to accept they aren't interested. They don't want to talk so why are you investing your emotions to get them to talk and care?

DancesWithTortoises · 03/05/2021 11:00

I'm guessing they aren't asking your DM much. She's just telling them.

AntiSocialDistancer · 03/05/2021 11:00

@nimbuscloud

Is your mother telling the truth?

Oldest trick in the book. She wants you to feel loved and supported. I'm sure she talks about you and your son to them all the time and they feel well updated

torquewench · 03/05/2021 11:02

Thread title is a bit 😲

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