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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Yes I’m moaning about my dh! (Coil related!)

44 replies

ladyvimes · 02/05/2021 12:38

I had the coil fitted on Thursday. Since then I’ve had horrible cramps all round my tummy, back and thighs. I don’t work Friday so lazed around the house and did a few jobs in between cramps.

My dh has been absolutely useless. He moaned at me on Friday for doing nothing (I work four days a week) and had a strop this morning because I told him I didn’t want to have sex with him cause I was still in pain. He’s now being short with me because I asked for some sympathy.

I have always taken charge of contraception and was on the pill for years. Then the injection which was horrible. He out right refuses to consider a vasectomy so the coil seemed like a good idea.

He’s usually a good dh but is generally rubbish when I’m ill, etc. He likes practical solutions to things and struggles to just say poor you and give hugs!

AIBU to want a bit of sympathy and spoiling (like being made a cup of tea or buying me a massive bar of chocolate)?
TIA

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/05/2021 12:39

No, he's not a 'good dh'.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/05/2021 12:47

I can understand the wanting practical solutions, some people feel like they've got to solve problems.

But pestering you for sex, punishing you when you say no because you're in pain, by throwing a strop etc doesnt show him in a good light, a good husband doesn't feel entitled to use his wife's body for his own pleasure irrespective of if she wants sex or not. A good husband also doesn't moan at his wife for not doing housework when she is ill. That's not wanting to find a practical solution to a problem, that's being an entitled arse.

SeaTurtles92 · 02/05/2021 12:48

Aww he's having a little sulk because he can't get his Willy wet?

He out right refuses to consider a vasectomy so the coil seemed like a good idea.

Then out right refuse sex. Not sure why it's always placed on the woman to take steps into contraception.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 02/05/2021 12:49

Yanbu. Clearly the big bar of choc is the bare minimum in these circumstances. I would want a glass of wine too.

Poptart4 · 02/05/2021 12:49

Generally a good dh but not when your sick.

So basically anytime you need care and attention and all the attention is not on him. He's not a good dh OP.

DinosaurDiana · 02/05/2021 12:51

Yep, wine, chocolate and flowers are required. Tell him this as he can’t work it out himself.

ssd · 02/05/2021 12:52

I dont know why women put up with arseholes like this.

AntiHop · 02/05/2021 12:53

Any man who has a strop due to lack of sex is an arsehole.

CanofCant · 02/05/2021 12:54

Ffs, he isn't 'good'. His behaviour is fucking outrageous.

ssd · 02/05/2021 12:54

Ant man who cant be kind to a woman feeling bad is an arsehole, forget the sex stuff.

CanofCant · 02/05/2021 12:55

Hope you feel better soon Flowers

RachelRaven · 02/05/2021 12:55

@Poptart4

Generally a good dh but not when your sick.

So basically anytime you need care and attention and all the attention is not on him. He's not a good dh OP.

Absolutely. The difficult times are when you find out if you have a good partner. Not during easy times.

A practical solution would be a vasectomy.

Merryoldgoat · 02/05/2021 12:56

@Poptart4

Generally a good dh but not when your sick.

So basically anytime you need care and attention and all the attention is not on him. He's not a good dh OP.

Yup. A big child basically.
Ginkeepsmesane · 02/05/2021 12:59

Op he is being an twit, may I suggest you get yourself back to bed and rest up instead of engaging? He can use his practical skills to take charge of the house, whilst you take charge of recovering.

If he moans again, tell him he can have his turn of laying around 'doing nothing' after his forthcoming vasectomy operation.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/05/2021 13:06

@ssd

I dont know why women put up with arseholes like this.
Me, neither, or what their definition of a bad dh is when their definition of a good one is an arsehole like this. Practical solutions, my arse.
Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2021 13:08

If you genuinely believe he's a good husband, your standards are very low. What an insufferable prick.

YoniAndGuy · 02/05/2021 13:13

He's a pig.

Scarlettpixie · 02/05/2021 13:21

A 'good DH' does not have a strop when you don't want to have sex because you are feeling ill!!

Time for a rethink OP.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 02/05/2021 13:26

forget the vasectomy - just chop his dick off.
& don't forget to ask why he hasn't done the housework & cooked a gourmet meal

Moomin12345 · 02/05/2021 13:28

I agree 100% with @EveryDayIsADuvetDay.

itsgettingwierd · 02/05/2021 13:28

You're both being dramatic IMO.

He's being a dick for demanding sex and having a strop because you said no and also for moaning you did nothing Friday.

Your being OTT expecting tea and chocolate due to cramps for having a coil fitted. Not denying it causes cramps but I've managed to have 2 fitted and expelled in the space of 8 months whilst dealing with sever gynae issues, working being a LP and raising a disabled child. I'd have felt a right dick thinking I needed to be given gifts of chocolate.

TowandaForever · 02/05/2021 13:36

@itsgettingwierd

Just because you had the coil in and out without issues doesn't mean it's the same for everyone. I also say that as someone with two disabled children and as a single mum.

gamerchick · 02/05/2021 13:41

@itsgettingwierd

You're both being dramatic IMO.

He's being a dick for demanding sex and having a strop because you said no and also for moaning you did nothing Friday.

Your being OTT expecting tea and chocolate due to cramps for having a coil fitted. Not denying it causes cramps but I've managed to have 2 fitted and expelled in the space of 8 months whilst dealing with sever gynae issues, working being a LP and raising a disabled child. I'd have felt a right dick thinking I needed to be given gifts of chocolate.

It's not top trumps.

Speaking as someone who also has a disabled kid if that's what we're doing Hmm

Personally I'd get rid of the coil and make him use condoms. Apparently we're supposed to give shit a good go to get used but it's a foreign body your uterus doesn't like. It's trying to get rid of it as body parts does. Why TF should we put up with it?

Tell him he'd better get used to condoms if you ever find him attractive enough to shag again.

Original poster
ladyvimes · 02/05/2021 13:43

@itsgettingwierd

You're both being dramatic IMO.

He's being a dick for demanding sex and having a strop because you said no and also for moaning you did nothing Friday.

Your being OTT expecting tea and chocolate due to cramps for having a coil fitted. Not denying it causes cramps but I've managed to have 2 fitted and expelled in the space of 8 months whilst dealing with sever gynae issues, working being a LP and raising a disabled child. I'd have felt a right dick thinking I needed to be given gifts of chocolate.

I’m sorry you had such problems with your coil fitting - hopefully mine will be ok.

And I probably am being a bit dramatic but this has kind of been a bit of a wake up call. DH has a lot of good points but also bad points and I’m starting to think the bad outweigh the good.

OP posts:
MayorGoodwaysChicken · 02/05/2021 13:44

@Aquamarine1029

If you genuinely believe he's a good husband, your standards are very low. What an insufferable prick.
This. Any man who sulks because his wife is in too much discomfort to have sex with him....is not a good husband. I worry about anyone who would say he is.
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