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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit disappointed when friends ignore messages

32 replies

Sweetaddiction88 · 01/05/2021 10:34

I have a group of friends and we're all turning a milestone age this year.
We also haven't seen each other for a while due to lockdowns etc. But with restrictions easing we have planned to do something joint to celebrate our birthdays which are all within a few months of each others'.

One or two suggested a weekend away somewhere at the start of June. My friends are all much higher earners than me (which is my own doing) . Their hens and weddings all costed a few Hundred pounds and they generally have more exotic holidays etc.

I work weekends as do a couple of others in the group. I am trying to save for a house deposit too, and suggested in a nice way what about if we went for a meal and night out (doesn't have to be anything wild) In our nearest big city? It would be easier than us having to book weekends off work and would be much less expensive.

Not one person has replied, they've all read it and it's been days. Also haven't put a specific date out, it was just a suggestion.

Does it sound like I was being a killjoy? Just can't believe nobody out of 7 people has replied

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 01/05/2021 10:35

I meant their weddings cost a few hundred pounds for the guests each, not the whole wedding! Lol

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WellLarDeDar · 01/05/2021 10:47

It's a bit sucky that they haven't replied. Maybe they feel a bit deflated because they all wanted a weekend away but now they feel guilty because you don't want to do that and they don't know what to say? Maybe suggest that it's totally cool if they go away but you can't afford it so could you all pretty please do something with you so you still get to see them? No hard feelings or anything.

redcarbluecar · 01/05/2021 10:49

Yeah that’s a bit annoying. I think people in WhatsApp groups sometimes wait to see what others will say. Then it slips down the page and gets forgotten. Could you mention it to any of them individually, test the water that way?

stackemhigh · 01/05/2021 10:57

YANBU, but it’s not your fault you earn less, it’s just reality. Good friends don’t take care who earns mote.

JemimaJoy · 01/05/2021 10:58

It sounds like they all want to do the weekend away and don't know what to say as you don't? They probably feel awkward and aren't sure how to deal with the situation.

Sunny1112 · 01/05/2021 10:59

Yeah pretty shitty they haven’t replied.
Yeah I’d maybe explain saving atm is priority so couldn’t afford weekend away but you want to see them so if they could a meal with you before/after you would love that to see them.
Just be honest about it they might not realise.

JemimaJoy · 01/05/2021 10:59

I mean, what's your ideal solution? Would you be happy if they went on the weekend abroad without you, if they did your idea as well another night?

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 01/05/2021 11:00

Guessing they wanted the weekend away and you’ve tried to shut it down. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve created a separate group chat without you to arrange a weekend away...

SnarkyBag · 01/05/2021 11:01

I suppose it’s a bit awkward as some might really want a weekend affair but now feel they can’t so no one wants to be the first to speak up.
Perhaps if you’d said “I won’t be able to join the weekend do but perhaps we can arrange a meal
out as well”
You’ve effectively told them it has to be one or the other and preferably not the weekend do

Auntycorruption · 01/05/2021 11:02

If this were me I would be trying to work out a way of still doing the weekend away that I really wanted, without upsetting the members of the group that can't join in.

I think the only option really is to do both.

Maybe there is already another WhatsApp group where they're planning the weekend away

Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 01/05/2021 11:26

Sorry should have mentioned I didn't mention anything about finances when I made the suggestion, just about it being easier than booking weekends off.

Indeed if they want to do a separate weekend it's totally up to them, doing both could be an option?

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Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 01/05/2021 11:28

It was just 2 of them who suggested the weekend away as opposed to all of them but yeah, maybe I just said it wrong

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Talkwhilstyouwalk · 01/05/2021 11:40

I wouldn't over think it, whatsapp does go a bit quiet. Maybe send another message asking what there thoughts are. Just say that you can't go on a weekend away due to work, but would love to get a night out in the diary if anyone else is up for it.....

CoRhona · 01/05/2021 11:58

You've got another thread running about someone not meeting up with you. Is it your communication, do you think?

Allwokedup · 01/05/2021 12:06

Sounds like they want to do a weekend away and feel a bit awkward about it

Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 01/05/2021 17:28

I don't understand how all seven of them collectively would want to do the weekend away and all feel awkward about it. I literally just said, would anyone be up for doing X? I didn't mention anything about finances to them either.
Just can't believe not one person has replied.
I also messaged them saying funnily I bumped into a really cool teacher we used to have in town. Again, not one replied.
They wouldn't do that if it was others and it just makes me feel like a loser and want to quit the group. Should I?

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Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 01/05/2021 17:36

This has happened on quite a few occasions where none or the vast majority won't reply and it's getting me down now, I don't think they're real friends tbh and if I quit they would probably just laugh and call me a drama queen or something, but I'm literally getting nothing out of this?

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rookiemere · 01/05/2021 17:49

So I'd be a bit annoyed if I wanted to plan a weekend away with interested folks and was told instead that a meal out would suffice.

It sounds like you've read the mood wrong . It would have been much better to have said something like " So sorry but due to working weekends and saving for a house weekends away are out for me. I'd love to see you though how does x date work for a meal out and then you guys have your weekend away in June"

Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 01/05/2021 17:54

Yeah maybe, but I literally just threw it out there as a suggestion , said what about doing X ?

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Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 01/05/2021 17:59

I'm not the decider of things and wouldn't kill them to say they'd prefer a weekend , really don't get this childish oh I can't reply until anyone else does, I have to wait and see what all the others answer first.

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sonjadog · 01/05/2021 18:01

I think they wanted the weekend way and now it is awkward and so they are avoiding answering.

rookiemere · 01/05/2021 18:03

I'm the one who usually organises things in my groups of friends. I have no problem with this and enjoy doing it. But I do get annoyed with half arsed attempts to organise things.
So if you'd said how about a few drinks/food out here on X date, I can book it, I'd be delighted. But neither agreeing to what is being proposed nor being prepared to own the alternative is not so endearing.

Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 01/05/2021 18:03

Yeah maybe but it was literally 2 out of 7 who suggested and mentioned the weekend so not even sure the others wanted to. Just find it so immature this omg it's soo awkward I can't possibly reply anything, I've literally put a casual suggestion out there not decided anything.

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Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 01/05/2021 18:05

I did say a few weeks back that I was trying to arrange a BBQ for X date and time, 2 said they would make it and the rest didn't.
For this I would have preferred to see if they wanted to and then suggest a date after. It really doesn't kill people to take 2 seconds to reply.

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sonjadog · 01/05/2021 18:39

Ah, you are the BBQ person! I remember that post. I would give it up with these people. They aren't that bothered, sorry.