To be a bit disappointed when friends ignore messages

[Sweetaddiction88]

I have a group of friends and we're all turning a milestone age this year.
We also haven't seen each other for a while due to lockdowns etc. But with restrictions easing we have planned to do something joint to celebrate our birthdays which are all within a few months of each others'.

One or two suggested a weekend away somewhere at the start of June. My friends are all much higher earners than me (which is my own doing) . Their hens and weddings all costed a few Hundred pounds and they generally have more exotic holidays etc.

I work weekends as do a couple of others in the group. I am trying to save for a house deposit too, and suggested in a nice way what about if we went for a meal and night out (doesn't have to be anything wild) In our nearest big city? It would be easier than us having to book weekends off work and would be much less expensive.

Not one person has replied, they've all read it and it's been days. Also haven't put a specific date out, it was just a suggestion.

Does it sound like I was being a killjoy? Just can't believe nobody out of 7 people has replied

This is a difficult one.
When I've organised stuff I've always messaged people individually then confirmed plans in group. I have so many groups and messages I don't respond and neither do they.
OTOH if it's something people REALLY want to do they respond quickly.
You should chat up one or two that you're closer too - see if they like your idea.
even with the hliday one if nobody ends up being organiser it's unlikely to happen as people are busy

It's always going to be difficult with a group of 7 people to get an outing agreed. That's why it's better to throw out specific dates and not take it personally if people don't get back. I didn't read the BBQ thread but personally I'd have gone ahead with a few people rather than trying to get a date that suited everyone.

It was one of their birthdays yesterday so they all messaged for that and had clearly read mine but still couldn't be bothered to reply. I think I'm just scared to leave the group after so long .

With a group thing, I usually get in touch with two or three people that I really want, and get agreement from them on date/time that they can definitely do. Then contact others and say have arranged a meet with X,Y,Z would love you to join if you can make it. Most do. It’s easier than trying to get everyone to agree. I found throwing it open to a group meant someone dominant could ONLY do Thursdays and so you risked the ones you really want not being able to join in. Invariably that person was the one who failed to turn up.

If I was set on a weekend away and someone suggested a meal instead I’d be pretty deflated tbh. Why not suggest doing the meal on another date and just say you’re bowing out of the weekend away because you’re saving. If you’re the poster who organised a bbq and another friend invited all your friends to hers on the same date then I’d be giving this group a wide berth in future. They aren’t worth your time.

Yeah, I wasn't saying it in a way that suggested they shouldn't do the weekend at all and there's really nothing stopping them saying well what about if we do the weekend away on X weekend and a meal on X day? Only one or two of them had thrown a weekend away out there as a suggestion, didn't seem like a thing that people were dead set on or confirmed in any way.
Anyway I'm gonna make one final attempt to message the group suggesting a meal on a specific date and time and saying that I can book it.
Not stopping anyone from booking their weekend away I will just say I can't afford it.
If they don't reply again or the vast majority ignore it then I am pretty much done with this group and will just drop it.

I don't think you should suggest a meal again. If I wanted a weekend away, then that would be the social occasion that I would want at that time. I wouldn't want to feel like I have to have a meal out with the same group of people in the same time frame and it would annoy me that someone was ignoring what was offered and pushing their alternative.

I have a friend who always suggest other stuff. For example, a couple of months ago a couple of us wanted to go out to a restaurant. She agreed and then two days later wrote a message inviting us to her house instead. It was done in a way that we couldn't really say "no, we want to go to the restaurant" without hurting her feelings, so we went to her house. But we actually wanted to go to the restaurant. Last month we were going to go out for a drink, and then she decided again to invite us to do something else instead. It is really tiresome tbh. She's a nice woman, but we have stopped asking her to things so often now.

As a rule, I think that if someone sends out an invitation like that, then stick to what they ask, don't come with a counter-offer, unless it is two of you talking together about finding something to do. Invite them for a meal out, but let them have the weekend away that they want first. Do the meal in the summer or the autumn.

(and for the lockdown police turning up to comment the above, I don't live in the UK)