To think people that write things such as I’m so obese

[Beatinghearts]

I’m gross are being unkind to people that actually are overweight.

When they are a healthy weight. I’m a healthy weight and while when I gain weight I do feel a bit disappointed I would never write something like that

Eh?

Why do people post on here when they are drunk?

?

I know what you're talking about OP. I am a size 20 and I've had size 8 people say to me things like "look at how fat I am, it's disgusting"

Erm, how do you think that makes me feel

So someone who isn't overweight at all posts a status moaning that they are overweight.

Yes, very annoying and attention seeking.

I don’t mean it in a bad way I just think people are a bit insensitive.

Especially when this particular person used to word disgusting.

They are attention seeking arseholes.

They want people to say "OMG hun you're sooooo not! You look amaaaaazing."

Vomit

Yanbu.

No one “makes” you feel anything. You feel things based on how you react to situations.

I've not seen it although there's millions of threads it may well have happened.

And they are stating how they feel? The judgement on women's bodies and society is huge and starts young. Girls and women are essentially encouraged to feel shit about how they look. Even if they look fine/ good.

Eating disorders are rife.

If that's how someone feels it's how they feel and it's not (I imagine) done to upset anyone. But to express their own unhappiness.

So try and take it in that spirit?

Just thought of an example. I have big scars (not on face but visible). At school a girl hurt herself and I walked in and she was showing a tiny scar to people in a less obvious place and described it as disfiguring and said she would obviously get plastic surgery.

At least she looked a bit sheepish when she saw me.

On the telly all the time there are things about 'imperfections' - blemishes scarring whatever. Tiny trivial things and how to disguise them as OBVIOUSLY (unspoken) they are unsightly.

After that first school thing I just let it wash over me. They aren't making a judgement on me, it's not personal. It's their own insecurity, how they feel about themselves. And given how trivial it often is I feel a bit sad for them iyswim.

I think I see what you mean - I was obese until a few weeks ago (yo-yo dieter) and I'm still about 2 stone overweight. You're talking about someone who is, for example, still within a medically healthy BMI but has put on 7lb complaining that they are 'so fat' etc.

Yes, in some contexts that would be tactless. However, I know from experience that if you don't do something about unwanted weight gain fairly early on, it's very easy for the weight to creep up, so I can understand someone who is relatively slim but above their ideal weight feeling worried about it.

I think it's best to stick to facts - 'I've put on half a stone' etc. rather than use emotive descriptions such as 'fat' although having said that I will describe myself as 'fat' when I am clinically overweight/obese as a way of kicking myself into doing something about it. But I would be mindful of what I said if talking to someone who was significantly larger than me.

But generally, you need to let go of guilt about being overweight - our natural weight 'set points' are genetic although unhealthy habits can exacerbate a problem, and good habits can alleviate it.

@BonnieDundee

Oh do fuck off. Of course people can make you feel something

Only if you let them.

It’s called emotional resilience / emotional intelligence.

Look it up. You clearly need to learn some. 😂😂

Is this about one post op?

Hide the thread and stop dwelling on it.

I hear you op. I share an office with a woman who constantly moans about how fat she is. She's a size 12 at the most and I'm an 18. Can't quite work out if she's completely clueless or deliberately trying to make me feel like shit.

Apart from how it make feel overweight people feel, I also hate slim people going 'I'm so fat/such a pig/put on so much weight' because young girls hear women saying this stuff around them and absorb that this is what being a woman is all about - hating your body even when it's totally fine and healthy.

I could put two stone on and still be in the healthy bmi range. I would feel horrible though. There’s a case of “know your audience” but don’t minimise people feeling unhappy with their bodies when they’re not technically overweight.

I get what you’re saying. When people who are a healthy weight describe themselves as fat or disgusting it’s insensitive to people who are fat? Disgusting isn’t ever a helpful word. Someone saying they feel disgusting doesn’t mean they think someone bigger is disgusting but it could make a bigger person feel that.

Maybe post what’s happened, this isn’t terribly clear.

Only if you let them.

It’s called emotional resilience / emotional intelligence.

Look it up. You clearly need to learn some

What a load of patronising tosh

Tired she is horribly insecure / or doing it in purpose in which case a total bastard.

In either case the best thing to do is ignore her/ feel a bit sorry for her.

Have you tried saying oh dear. Have you consider X diet? It's supposed to be very good. How much exercise do you do? Waking is good if you are fairly inactive etc.

In case A she will engage and discuss your advice.
In case B she will not take it well at all which could be fun.

If she said what about you what do you do etc and tried to turn it around. I'd say this is about you, I want you to feel happier. What I do is irrelevant. It's all about you.

And she might look baffled confused and angry which would be gratifying!