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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crush on Work Colleague!

26 replies

WorkColleagueCrush · 30/04/2021 19:09

Not an AIBU really as I know I am! But I've developed a massive crush on a work colleague.

I'm married. They are married too judging by the ring. I've only worked there a month but as soon as I saw them it was just instantaneous.

I saw them again today and the way they smiled at me was so lovely. It was just friendly but all the same. I'm allowed to look right? It's just a crush. Nothing more.

OP posts:
MinnieKat · 30/04/2021 19:12

Are you happy in your marriage OP?

Arbadacarba · 30/04/2021 19:12

No harm done so far, but don't encourage it because at best, it will be a waste of your emotional energy. Stick to professional interaction and try not to spend ages thinking about this person.

You don't say whether your marriage is happy, but you could look at whether there's something missing that makes you feel like this about another person - could it be a lockdown rut you've got into?

thebestnamehere · 30/04/2021 19:43

Don't crap on your own doorstep. It can only go wrong
HTH

Lockheart · 30/04/2021 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
WorkColleagueCrush · 02/05/2021 20:18

@MinnieKat

Are you happy in your marriage OP?
Yes
OP posts:
Original poster
WorkColleagueCrush · 02/05/2021 20:18

@Lockheart

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
No idea what this said as it's been deleted!
OP posts:
Purpoole · 02/05/2021 20:21

Op I’m in a similar situation so I know how you feel.
Try not to give it too much thought otherwise you’ll start obsessing over every word and detail.
Also try not to work too closely with the person (I wish I could... my crush is my boss!)
Nothing wrong with a little crush but don’t entertain it as you can soon find yourself in a very awkward and tricky situation!

Original poster
WorkColleagueCrush · 02/05/2021 20:29

@Purpoole

Op I’m in a similar situation so I know how you feel. Try not to give it too much thought otherwise you’ll start obsessing over every word and detail. Also try not to work too closely with the person (I wish I could... my crush is my boss!) Nothing wrong with a little crush but don’t entertain it as you can soon find yourself in a very awkward and tricky situation!
I've only been with the company for a month and in that time I've only had two interactions with said individual so that helps! It would definitely be more difficult if it was the boss! You have my sympathies there. But I find myself checking the roster every week and hoping our days in will coincide and that perhaps we'll get a chance to speak. It's awful, isn't it.
OP posts:
Royalbloo · 02/05/2021 20:30

Of course you're allowed to look.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/05/2021 20:33

Cool story.
Yes of course you're both allowed flirt, stare maybe share secrets ignore the ring as long as you don't fuck him it's okay. Hmm
Isn't it?

Original poster
WorkColleagueCrush · 02/05/2021 20:35

@EmeraldShamrock

Cool story. Yes of course you're both allowed flirt, stare maybe share secrets ignore the ring as long as you don't fuck him it's okay. Hmm Isn't it?
Who said anything about flirting?? There's no flirting. No sharing secrets. No ignoring rings. Your post is full of assumptions. And they are all wrong.
OP posts:
KizzyMoo · 02/05/2021 20:39

Enjoy the feeling op. Doesn't mean you are going to act on it.

Cameleongirl · 02/05/2021 20:44

It’s very common to have crushes on work colleagues. You often see them at their best, performing well in a certain role and putting forward their best public persona. You don’t see them slobbing around at home avoiding doing chores.😂

Just get on with your job and by all means be friendly towards your colleague, but that’s where it ends. You’re both married and unless you decide to end your marriages first, you’re both out of bounds.

Original poster
WorkColleagueCrush · 02/05/2021 20:45

@EmeraldShamrock

Cool story. Yes of course you're both allowed flirt, stare maybe share secrets ignore the ring as long as you don't fuck him it's okay. Hmm Isn't it?
And where did I say it was man? Another assumption.
OP posts:
ChristmasAlone · 02/05/2021 20:48

Feel this is more thinking that someone is attractive than having a crush on someone, as you don't know anything about them. I don't see the harm. You're allowed to find other people attractive, it's natural.

Lurcherloves · 02/05/2021 21:22

I wouldn’t indulge it. Speaking from experience here I’ve just got over a year long crush and it’s caused me nothing but stress. I felt guilty and got too emotionally involved and then went through loss because it couldn’t happen (i made a rational decision not to take it further but had emotionally indulged). Save yourself the heartache.
Nothing good can come out of it. Even if you both left your partners it would be difficult for a relationship to thrive when it’s created a lot of hurt for others

spicysechuan · 02/05/2021 21:43

Enjoy the butterflies but don't take it any further.

If it is a new territory same sex relationship there are threads on the sex board.

Original poster
WorkColleagueCrush · 02/05/2021 21:45

@spicysechuan

Enjoy the butterflies but don't take it any further.

If it is a new territory same sex relationship there are threads on the sex board.

Yeah, I'm not straying anywhere near the sex board, thanks.
OP posts:
Happy791 · 02/05/2021 21:55

I have recently found out my husband had a crush on a girl at work, this spilled into texting/calling eachother.

I got suspicious due to amount of time he was spending on his phone.

I am left devastated, lost all trust, no proof it wasnt an affair, only his word.

My advice would be to stay clear as it has blown up our whole life, all because he enjoyed a bit of attention at work.

X x x

Useruseruserusee · 02/05/2021 21:58

This happened to me at work only I was his line manager. It was really uncomfortable and I tried not to think about it. There was definitely not any flirting / staring / sharing secrets as I was mortified!

It was a relief when he left for another job. I was happily married before, throughout and after this crush, I mainly felt guilty because me being his line manager made it icky.

Original poster
WorkColleagueCrush · 02/05/2021 22:26

@Happy791

I have recently found out my husband had a crush on a girl at work, this spilled into texting/calling eachother.

I got suspicious due to amount of time he was spending on his phone.

I am left devastated, lost all trust, no proof it wasnt an affair, only his word.

My advice would be to stay clear as it has blown up our whole life, all because he enjoyed a bit of attention at work.

X x x

I'm so sorry this happened, thank you for sharing, I hope things get better for you, whatever the outcome xxx
OP posts:
Weeedonkey · 02/05/2021 23:35

There’s thinking another man is attractive and there’s having a crush.

How would you feel if your husband said he had a crush on a female colleague OP? How would it make you feel?

Chouetted · 03/05/2021 01:17

@Weeedonkey

There’s thinking another man is attractive and there’s having a crush.

How would you feel if your husband said he had a crush on a female colleague OP? How would it make you feel?

Is it actually possible to control having a crush? Didn't think it was!
Dontwanttobeatwat · 03/05/2021 06:50

Same Blush
It just makes me feel like a twat though (hence the name change as my sister knows my normal username), particularly as I dream about him an awful lot
He's married and so I am. And I'm 5/10 on a good day so extremely unlikely anyway

It's tricky because it's exactly what is missing in my marriage - the excitement, the butterflies but it's lock down and we've been together 9 years so not exactly a fair comparison!

Also my husband has had two emotional affairs throughout our relationship, both of which were a complete nightmare so I have absolutely no interest in starting anything like that (except sometimes as 'ha how do you like it' which is horrendous) and we have small children together and I do still love him

My friend (and mutual colleague) says to just enjoy the tiny thrill and stop overthinking which is probably the advice I would give

Jackieweaverishere · 03/05/2021 09:27

Same here! I have a very happy marriage, small children, no complaints in life. I don't know what I'm missing to have sparked this crush.

I don't know what it is about my work colleague, we have a shared interest but he wouldn't be my usual type. I have been meaning to name change and post as I think about him all the time Blush. I need to get a grip on it really so I'm watching all these replies with interest....

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