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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you saw a woman with a black eye

124 replies

bruffin · 30/04/2021 11:58

What is your automatic thought on how she got it?

OP posts:

miliie55 · 30/04/2021 15:11

Depends how bad it is. If it's a bruise near the eye at one end I'd think they've banged in to something it if it's all the way around and quite a nasty one then I'd think someone must have hit them.

anon1968 · 30/04/2021 15:25

I recently had my first ever black eye, sustained when hitting my face when i fainted, my husband said that everyone will think i’d been hit, the thought never entered my head as tbh i’ve never thought that before when i’ve seen people with bruises, sad to say, thats what the majority of people thought even with no reason to think so.

BadLad · 30/04/2021 15:28

@StamfordHill

Following is an offensive joke by Jimmy Carr. Don't read if you might get offended:

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

That's just the incredibly unfunny Jimmy Carr repeating a "joke" as old as the hills. I heard that at least a decade before he crawled into the scene.

He also tells the "turn the light on after sex by opening the car door" joke, which was a 90s Essex girl joke.

Hasn't got an original thought in him.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 30/04/2021 15:30

Began applying makeup with a dreadful hangover and then just gave up?

Skyliner001 · 30/04/2021 18:24

Shuttlecock to the eye. It's how I got mine. 😳

Creamcakeandrhinos · 30/04/2021 18:33

Years ago I had a black eye due to eye surgery. I was in the queue for the Post Office and the lady server kept looking at me sympathetically.. also same day in House of Fraser in a queue and the manager came and took me out of the queue to pay for my goods where there was no queue. I said nothing as I was in a hurry to catch a bus.

Original poster

bruffin · 30/04/2021 18:38

@Skyliner001

Shuttlecock to the eye. It's how I got mine. 😳

My dd got double black eyes from doing her first somersault off i think it was the 10m , she managed to knee herself in the eyes

OP posts:

the80sweregreat · 30/04/2021 19:39

I fell over and damaged my chin and hand once.
I wished mask wearing was a thing then as both dh and I got some funny looks out food shopping the following day as the bruise on my chin was huge! It was horrible.
I guess I'm sure what I would think though ; I suppose people thought I had been hit but I mostly definitely wasn't.

crosstalk · 30/04/2021 20:05

I would ask. My DCs have often come back with split cheeks, black eyes and serious bruising ... after sport.

Woman looking bad - still ask if she's okay.

serin · 30/04/2021 20:14

I work in a hospital, I would absolutely ask. Not out of nosiness, but to give her a chance to talk, if it was DV and she wanted to.

Looubylou · 30/04/2021 22:05

I got mine by running into a flying bee

Headyhurty · 01/05/2021 04:23

I'd ask if it was someone I knew. It would be weird to pretend not to notice. Just like I'd ask what happened if they turned up with an ankle in plaster. Not necessarily because I think something sinister has happened but because I'd be interested in how they'd hurt themselves. I'd be very concerned for them if it happened more than once.

stayathomer · 01/05/2021 04:33

Have ha a black eye twice, once where my eldest suddenly threw his head backwards, the second ever I whacked my face with the car door. Both times dh was saying he couldn't wait for it to get better, because he was getting looks. Saying that I think if a friend had one I'd always casually ask

Saltyslug · 01/05/2021 04:40

Abusive partner

HerRoyalNotness · 01/05/2021 05:02

I’d assume DV rightly or wrongly. I once managed to give myself one when pulling the lever on a seat in a people mover to let the kids in the back. It was a rental and I was bent into the car, it was too tight and sprang forward whacking me in the face. I walked around for 2 weeks assuming everyone else would think DV too.

youshallnotpass9 · 01/05/2021 05:05

I am not saying it is always the case, but based on the 2 DV cases I know about, neither of them sported bruises where you could see them. So a black eye I might not think anything about, bruises on the arms and necks might make me think more.

Having said that, the other day I walked into a wall, its always been there. I also have a habbit of walking into door frames

OwlBeThere · 01/05/2021 05:24

I once had a black eye from a kitten standing on my face when I was asleep. A couple of times from dropping my phone on my face.
I used to box when I was younger and shiners were an occupational hazard then too. My boyfriend at the time was always a bit paranoid that people would think he was beating me up.

Longdistance · 01/05/2021 05:49

A colleague had two black eyes. She was walking her dog and it pulled her over. She really did look like she’d injured herself or had a car accident.

PerveenMistry · 01/05/2021 05:49

Cosmetic surgery

AmandaHugenkiss · 01/05/2021 06:12

I had a black eye from rugby once. I had a stranger on the train ask me if I was ok, and my optician asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about. Several people in shops and restaurants gave me side eye but didn’t say anything. A male colleague took me to one side and outright asked me if there was a problem at home, and he has socialised with and really likes my DP (who is the kindest gentlest man I’ve ever known).

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago, and on the only occasion he left a bruise on my face (with visible finger marks) people stared and then looked away. And that was knowing I was in a “difficult “ relationship (stood me up when meant to pick me up from work, often said he’d come to official work socials for partners and then just didn’t arrive leaving me next to an empty chair, left me exhausted at work by coming home at 3am drunk several days running, called and got angry if I was out socialising with work colleagues without him keeping an eye on me). Back then I don’t think it was discussed openly as much.

It’s annoying that people make the assumption, and I felt bad for current DP when I had my black eye as he was worried people would think it was him, but it’s good it’s more acceptable to check.

I went for my contraceptive appointment last month and they ask me every time if there are any issues with domestic violence or abusive behaviour I want to talk to them about. It’s a good thing people wonder about facial bruises and ask.

So yeah, I’d wonder if it was DV. Long post short answer 😂

ragged · 01/05/2021 08:00

My first thought was face plant on concrete... which I think is what OP is describing.

Original poster

bruffin · 01/05/2021 09:31

@ragged

My first thought was face plant on concrete... which I think is what OP is describing.

Thats exactly what it was. I can tell poor DH is worried what people will think. We have a day today doing our "hobby" and on holiday next weel

OP posts:

ThetaSigma · 01/05/2021 09:39

My mother had a huge black eye a couple of weeks ago - tripped over the decking and hit her face on the fence.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 01/05/2021 09:47

First thought would be that she had kids tbh, each of my children have given m a blackeye by headbutting me on the nose.

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