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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS leaves school on Friday and I only realised today.

100 replies

Yellowbowlbanana · 28/04/2021 23:24

My DS is in Year 11. His GCSE years have been a washout, not helped by the fact that his school have been a bit shit. The school have opted to do a formal assessment in the style of GCSEs but modified. These begin in ten days after a week of study leave and last for three weeks. He will be finished by May 23rd. I'm assuming that is then it. This hasn't been communicated by the school. We have had nothing to indicate that this Friday will be his last day at school except for a note in the weekly calendar saying there is a Leaver's assembly on that day. This is way earlier than GCSEs would normally finish and they would also usually do work experience which has been cancelled.
My DS is leaving the school to go elsewhere and I feel so sad that there has been literally nothing said or done to acknowledge this is the end of his, and many others, school journey. I didn't even realise it would be his last day until he mentioned that he'd had his last ever lesson of French.
AIBU to have expected more by way of communication?

OP posts:

dancinfeet · 29/04/2021 06:37

It's sad yes, but same thing happened last year to the year 11s as well. Finished school in march with the lockdown, and that was it, no chance to say goodbye to their classmates and teachers. My DD's school allowed them to go back in very small groups in july, simply to collect their leavers hoodies and empty their lockers but there was hardly anyone on site at that time. Her prom dress lies in it's box unworn, with the rescheduled prom that was promised never materialising as it has not been possible, we bought the dress about 10 days before the lockdown but I didn't have the heart to make her send it back for a refund, even though I realised that she was unlikely to ever wear it.
On a positive note, she has still settled in well at college, back into the routine of learning and homework despite no school work to do for almost 6 months (march-sept) , has kept in touch with the genuine friends from school, and made new friends on her course. It has been hard for all of the students who haven't had proper exams and the usual fanfare about leaving school, wishing your son all of the best for the next stage, (college/ work/ apprenticeship).

FizzyApricot · 29/04/2021 06:41

They've told you there's a leavers assembly though. What else can they do?

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 29/04/2021 07:00

It's shit, OP. I'm so sorry for your DS. These leavers' events bring a sense of closure and celebration to help children move onto the next stage. It's not surprising if your DS (and you) feel a bit adrift.

SunIsComing · 29/04/2021 07:13

The thing that pisses me off is the inequality of grading this year . Some schools doing exams, some assessments, some none, some doing exams of sorts from home so open to abuse..... just shit.

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 29/04/2021 07:19

YANBU I have a year 11 DS and it really has been a shit year for them. I also have a year 12 DD and I thought they had it bad but this year has been much worse. Ds has not been given any indication of when they are leaving, its piss poor really after all they have been through - just give them some clarity FFS!

He has a fab English teacher who told him she would not blame him if her left as soon as assessments are finished on his own accord. We are relocating in the summer so he is not doing 6th form there but he doesnt want to miss his last day after all of these years.

Springsnake · 29/04/2021 07:25

The whole prom thing is recent
I left school ,on the last day after the last exam ,with no fanfare ,no assembly,no disco ,nothing but a wonderful sense of freedom,and excitement for what was next,those feelings are priceless,no one needs a prom ,after the last year some families are struggling to pay bills ,and extra expenses by schools would be seen in very poor taste

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 29/04/2021 07:41

Dd still doesn't know whan she's finished, they are still doing the exam/assesments in all her classes. She added up how many are left and another 12 to go. They are doing an ROA too, her dress is ordered, it's an indoor/outdoor setting, at the end of June.

Original poster

Yellowbowlbanana · 29/04/2021 07:43

I couldn't care less about a prom and I'm sure he couldn't. It's more that we literally haven't been told that Friday is the end of his school career. The assessments are being conducted similar to GCSE but not the same so there wasn't the same expectation of the process being the same. The only reference to them leaving is the assembly in the school calendar but that doesn't specify that they leave on that date.

OP posts:

00100001 · 29/04/2021 07:44

@SunIsComing

The thing that pisses me off is the inequality of grading this year . Some schools doing exams, some assessments, some none, some doing exams of sorts from home so open to abuse..... just shit.

But the grades aren't solely based on these exams.

The makes will be moderated.

Everything will be taken into consideration for the next stage of their education anyway....

MrsMop1964 · 29/04/2021 07:46

My daughter last year went to school on a Thursday, got an email that evening to say Friday's school was cancelled becasue they didn't have enough staff due to people self isolating, so that was it basically. No leavers assembly, everything cancelled. Prom had never even been arranged( thankfully because I'm not keen on it and hadn't yet bought 'the dress') Leavers hoodies hadn't even been ordered, but they did at least arrange that afterwards. I felt sad for her, but it was just so surreal at the time.
It's a shame for all the kids but at least there's a Leavers Assembly. Not sure they can do much more really.

Notavegan · 29/04/2021 07:46

Given how much they missed, I'd of hoped they can teach them until the end of term.

FelicityPike · 29/04/2021 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aliceandthemarchhare · 29/04/2021 07:54

It was extremely bitchy and unless you speak that way to people in real life of course you could hold it in

YANBU op and proms aren’t particularly recent, to be fair, they’ve certainly been around since 2005.

PenguinIce · 29/04/2021 07:55

I don’t understand why they don’t keep them to the end of term so they can teach some of the content they missed. I get it would be too late for assessments on that work but surely the pupils still need to know it?

My yr 11 dc is still at school until June but the only assessments they are doing is one small test question a week for each subject. Whilst I worry about the grades, my biggest concern is how they will cope next year at college after missing so much content from GCSEs.

SatsumasOrClementines · 29/04/2021 07:56

It's more that we literally haven't been told that Friday is the end of his school career.

Do you mean a letter?

They likely are talking about in class because your DS mentioned about it being his last French class. (But you’re not in class to see this.) The teachers will be saying “we wish you well, etc etc”.

Notavegan · 29/04/2021 07:56

@felicityPike wow, you know nothing about me and you start your morning slagging off a stranger's grammar. I hope your day improves and you can learn to keep it in.

m0therofdragons · 29/04/2021 07:58

I had a prom and left school 20 years ago - we called it our leavers ball.

It’s really sad and the risk is months of 16 year olds feeling a bit lost. Our primary has organised a leavers service so no idea why secondary can’t? There are many mnetters who are totally fine with shit schools because it’s been so hard this year but I still think we need standards and not to get kids out of school as soon as possible.

Comefromaway · 29/04/2021 07:59

@MrsMop1964

My daughter last year went to school on a Thursday, got an email that evening to say Friday's school was cancelled becasue they didn't have enough staff due to people self isolating, so that was it basically. No leavers assembly, everything cancelled. Prom had never even been arranged( thankfully because I'm not keen on it and hadn't yet bought 'the dress') Leavers hoodies hadn't even been ordered, but they did at least arrange that afterwards. I felt sad for her, but it was just so surreal at the time. It's a shame for all the kids but at least there's a Leavers Assembly. Not sure they can do much more really.

I'm so grateful to my son's school for the way they handled things. They too didn't have enough staff so they sent an email to all the other year groups on the Wednesday to say that only Year 11 & Year 13 were to come into school the next day.

There was no timetable, they gathered them all in the dining room, took photos and had a day of goodbyes. The kids studying music went to the music room and had a sing through of the songs they were rehearsing for the concert that never happened. Ds was leaving to go to college and I was glad he had some closure.

Hopdathelf · 29/04/2021 08:03

Nothing to acknowledge it...except a Leavers’ Assembly?

Teachers have enough on their plates trying to ensure students leave school with grades that accurately reflect their ability despite everything that’s going on. What hoopla would you like them to be planning on top given they’re already going above and beyond at the moment?

jimmyhill · 29/04/2021 08:04

The whole prom thing is recent

Not that recent, we had one at my bog standard comp in 2001. If it helps, think of it as a Leavers Disco

FizzyApricot · 29/04/2021 08:05

I think I just had an assembly and a form to get all the teachers to sign to say I'd returned my text books.

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 29/04/2021 08:06

My dd finished year 11 last year in lockdown and it was sad to end like that. At least this year they can see their friends outside school and do more activities together so that is an improvement and it seems like the marking of GCSEs will be a lot more organised and consistent and hopefully no rogue algorithm involved.

Nith · 29/04/2021 08:08

[quote Notavegan]@felicityPike wow, you know nothing about me and you start your morning slagging off a stranger's grammar. I hope your day improves and you can learn to keep it in.[/quote]
Amazing how on MN it's absolutely fine to slag off someone's parenting, housework and cleaning standards, driving, eating habits, taste in house decorations, dress sense, etc etc, but mildly suggesting that "would have" is preferable to "would of" is a criminal offence

ineedaholidaynow · 29/04/2021 08:10

@PenguinIce had your DC done mocks previously. One small test a week sounds so little. DS has just completed 10 days of mocks. Now doing tests pretty much every day and a further set of more substantial tests before half term. Pretty relentless (although he seems to be coping)

So strange how schools are being allowed to approach it so differently.

But I suppose technically they will have finished lessons as such, as will either be doing tests or revision

Handsnotwands · 29/04/2021 08:13

Poor sods. It’s been tough for everyone I know, but those gcse / a level / first year uni students have really paid the price. I think it’s really sad remembering what a fun time that age was, full of anticipation and change and excitement and new found independence :(

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