nursery sickness and backup childcare

[Purplelemon7]

Hi

Just returning to work after Mat leave. My kids (2 and 1) are going to nursery for 2 days and will have a nanny for 2 days. I keep hearing about how kids are ‘constantly’ sick for the first 6months/year at nursery. My parents live a ten minute drive away so are able to help with sickness cover for now (if the kids can’t go to nursery or if the nanny is off sick), however we are looking at moving out off the area for better schools and more space. We would be 35 mins away (45 mins in traffic) from my parents. Both DH and I are in high pressure client facing work environments. My employer isn’t very family friendly so in the long run I need to look for another job but it may take me some time to figure out something. DH has a more understanding boss but I can’t leave it all to him. I don’t like the idea of using emergency childcare and leaving them with someone they don’t know. I keep hearing about how kids get sick so often (in fact my son started nursery last week and already has sniffles and now my daughter seems to as well!) I keep having second thoughts about moving but then I think maybe I’m over thinking it - they won’t be sick constantly, we will manage between us with days off, my parents will be able to help out if it’s once in a while etc. I would be interested to hear about your experiences of sickness at nursery, how frequent is it (?!), how you managed it, thoughts on the value is having family close by when kids are young, managing employers/colleagues who aren’t family friendly etc. Thank you.

We don't have family to help and wouldn't ask them anyway as I wouldn't want to inflict sick children on them! Mine are in year 2 and R now and have very rarely needed any time out of childcare/school. 3 or 4 days each total, so it's not inevitable. I am lucky I can work from home even in normal times so tend to work with them around in this situation, and my husband does his share too if I need to go in (he gets paid for his dependency leave!).

Mine have rarely needed to be off. And when they were they wanted a parent, so we juggled between us

As others have said it's rare that they would actually need time out of childcare.

Nurseries are used to sniffles and generally the children are well enough to attend so do. The only things I can think of that would prevent them from being able to go are chicken pox, hand, foot and mouth, Gastro bugs and (now) covid. But these are rare occurrences. The sniffles that you hear about are normal and as long as the child isn't running a temperature or seriously ill they'll be fine to attend.

There’s a lot of luck involved. My 3.5 year old DD has been at nursery since 10 months and has missed 3 days in that time. I’ve got friends whose DC seem to catch every cold and bug going and are off every month.

Hi OP. My little one started nursery full time at 14 months. She was constantly sick with one thing and another! On top of that she brought the bugs home to us so we were all constantly sick. She was able to go in with a slight temp and medication which obviously you can't do at the moment, so those absences from nursery didn't include those! We have no family help at all. It was really tough, and we both have fairly understanding employers, with nursery very close to my work and home. If you have the choice I would not move for at least another year. I got my little girl vaccinated against chicken pox too as I stupidly thought that would be the main thing she would be off for, but at least we've not had that. Best wishes

My grandsons been at nursery for the last 18 months and has never had a day off sick - I wouldn't worry about it.

I think one of mine had a tummy bug once (not sure if in nursery, might have been in reception), but apart from that neither of them has needed time off. They didn't even catch chicken pox. Sniffles are normal. We didn't have any family around but we could have worked from home.

However my friend's child caught everything - tummy bugs, chicken pox, hand, foot and mouth, conjunctivitis, bad colds, it was one thing after another. She was lucky that both her and her husband were allowed to work from home but she was getting desperate.

My GP said 7 viruses a year are normal, and it’s just how they build up their immune system. Our nurseries were quite good and didn’t call us for silly things. Obviously at the minute you have to get a test if they have a temperature. We just had to take time off/annual leave, work from home. I never had family around when mine were little either we just had to juggle it. I wouldn’t inflict an ill child on grandparents anyway. They’ve had them when it’s been the last day of their time off, say when they needed 48 hours off due to diarrhoea but were ‘well’.

When they go to school it all starts again, new germs!

It really depends. One of my children is quite robust and never ill, the other catches every virus doing rounds (and then he is immediately burning with fever and his typical reaction to high temperature is vomiting - which earns another 48 hours exclusion).

I could not cope with the nursery, I gave up and paid for a nanny even though it was unaffordable (had to go into debt). Otherwise we had week in, week out at about that age (1 to 2).

Can you not have the nanny 4 days a week?

Totally depends on the child, mine seemed to catch everything going at nursery but now they are at school have immune systems of steel. My mum always used to say the first ‘social winter’ was always the worst.
There were plenty of occasions where me and DH had to decide who’s work was more important that day.

Pre covid both my children had quite regular sickness from nursery, bugs, heavy cold, temperatures, nursery even closed down by environmental health due to norovirus etc.

Maybe 5-6 days each a year, which adds up with two children. My parents are elderly so can't help, and PIL 3 hours drive away.

Since Covid it's really calmed down, presumably better hygiene, cleaning in settings and parents being more cautious sending in their kids with slight bugs (several times I've seem kids clearly unwell being shoved in and whilst I understand the pressure some people face to attend work at all costs, it's really selfish for both the kids and other families attending) and stricter nursery policies on accepting children. So we've only experienced 2 days off due to non covid issues.

DH and I took time off work, usually annual leave, sometimes special leave (we can each claim 3 days per year paid for caring responsibilities). Your employer will just have to accept it happens, but if you perform and are reliable otherwise, it shouldn't be held against you

Lots of different experiences! Hard to know if my kids will be the type that don’t catch anything too bad or catch everything going. I guess I will just have to cross my fingers and hope they don’t need much time off and that we find a nanny who is also healthy. For the most part we would try to manage whatever we can between us using annual leave but for those times where we both have important meetings and can’t cancel last minute, having family nearby would help. If it gets really bad we could switch to having a nanny for 4 days. I just like them having the opportunity to interact with other children so that’s why I’ve chosen the nanny/nursery combination (I know some people think they don’t need it at this age)

First year of nursery one of mine had hand foot and mouth (and gave it to us, we were really unwell), noro (gave it to us), multiple colds and severe conjunctivitis. Also blue lighted to hospital with viral wheeze during one of those colds.

The other in their first year got hand foot and mouth, slap cheek, multiple colds and chicken pox (caught from DC1, who along with most of his class had got it at school).

Second winter onwards they just got the occasional cold, maybe a couple of days off a year. And chicken pox for the eldest, but in your situation I’d vaccinate against that one. I wouldn’t have expected my older parents to expose themselves to HFM or noro or even a bad cold, we just had to look after them ourselves.

I put my daughter in nursery at 1 years old. First 3 to 4 months there were sniffles, colds, upset tummies and of course sticky eyes!! She's now 2.5 years old and in a different nursery and in 1 year of being there I've picked her up twice early from illness.. As they get older it's rarer. I'm dreading when it's things like chicken pox as I'm a single parent with no family at all :(

I personally don’t place much value in being in nursery before age 3. It’s good that it’s there, but honestly if you can afford a nanny, I would use a nanny.

Also, 45 minutes to get to your parents as back up child care is really nothing.

We had no back up childcare and just had to juggle it between us. They get loads of coughs and colds from nursery which for my kids turned into brochiolitis and croup requiring2/4 days off a time roughly every month from sept to March. Had 4 nights in hospital with a chest infection. There’s no way I’d leave them with an emergency nanny who they don’t know if they’re Ill, it just wouldn’t happen.

Neither of mine needed much time off nursery or childminder. Chicken pox (which is about a week) and the odd day which we managed with A/L.

It’s a bit worse with Covid now though as they’re asked to get a test with any cough/snot. We are WFH so can cope but we’ve had both of ours off twice since Jan waiting for negative results.

My first was in nursery and my second is with a childminder (much cheaper where I am) and I was worried about the socialisation thing but honestly, as long as the nanny takes them out to groups etc... then I don’t think nursery is the be all and end all and I’d just stick with the many if it’s easier.

I think its a question of doing what you have to do. The vast majority of people don't have family on hand to help, so you're really lucky in that regard. I wouldn't be moving at this stage if I were you.

We didn't have many days off in nursery but had all 3 with chickenpox at one point which spanned a 3 week period. Where H and I both had to be in, I'd go in say 6am-1pm, and he'd go in say 2pm to 10pm - juggled for meetings etc / take annual leave when we could.

It's quite unusual for a child to be so poorly they can't attend. Toddlers have a runny nose or mild cough a lot and usually arent terribly bothered by it. Often they wake up snotty or are more bothered by coughs/congestion at night but are fine when up and about in the day.

I would get the cp vaccine as that's one of the few things you do often need to keep a child off for a week or so. Public health guidance is that children can attend childcare settings with hand foot mouth, conjunctivitis etc as long as well enough to attend. Nurseries who exclude kids for every sniffle don't last long in business.

Oh and also there's really not much social value to the child from nurseries until about age 2.5 or even 3, developmentally children just don't really play with peers before that, so if the nanny for 4 days is an option I would choose that if its important to you to minimise illness.

It's the first six months or so when they pick up most bugs, so if grandparents are in range at the moment then hopefully that will cover the brunt of it. Chickenpox is a worry - would your parents be able to come and stay if/when that hits?

My parents live the other side of the country from my sister, but if my nephew was ill for more than a day then my mum would get a train and go to stay. Yours would be a lot closer, so if they're able to drive across on some occasions, you might get away with only having to take half a morning off.

Really depends on the children, and luck!

DD was only in nursery for 40% of the time we'd paid for from age 1 to 2. DS was barely ever unwell.

Not sure why your parents being 35 minutes away would be an issue? My work was an hour away from nursery and the nursery just cope until you get there to take the child home.

My 3yo started preschool last September and hasn't had a single day off sick yet. My 6yo is in Y1 and has had 2 days off sick since September (1 day for tummy ache, 1 day for a badly sprained ankle). My friend's DH is shielding so they have been strictly mostly indoors for a year, no nursery etc, and yet their 2yo seems to get ill with high temperatures every month or so.

Stricter hygiene must have played its part because in normal circumstances I'd have expected more sick days. The main worry atm is if either of their bubbles are told to isolate for 10 days but this hasn't happened yet. That being said, although I'm a single parent I'm very lucky to have an understanding employer and I wfh. But my mum also helps and she's 30 mins away - 45 mins isn't that far if family are happy to help.

DS started in august 3 days a week and it was fairly hideous until about January, he was basically one week in, one week off, had to isolate a couple of times as well. since Jan he’s still got ill, but has been dealing with it better, and the nursery are easing off on their covid policy and less likely to send him home if he has a bit of a cough!
It depends on the child really. It was awful but we got through it with a bit of muddling and flexible working!