To consider ending it due to his family?

[breakingupslowly]

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and it’s been very up and down - mostly down. But I’m thinking about the long term and what I want from life. His family is quite erm... (without wanting to sound disrespectful) a bit rough around the edges. His mum especially. She makes comments about how she hasn’t had sex in ages, and in general acts very vulgar and childish, talking about dildos etc at the dinner table.

I’ve been a single parent for a long time and this is my first boyfriend since my dc’s dad. I’m not ruling out another baby in the future, but if I did have one, I wouldn’t want her to be looking after it. Am I being a bit of a snob?

You don’t get married in a vacuum. If you married him, his family would become your family. It is unfair to get serious with him KNOWING that in future you will be putting him in a difficult position because you don’t like his family. How would you feel if someone did that to you. I’d end it now and find someone whose family you can see being a significant part of your life.

Run for the hills. You're worth more than a few months of mostly down.

[quote breakingupslowly]@Whatisthisfuckery not at all! In fact before I met him, I was dead against more kids. He’s keen to have one though so I started questioning whether or not I did too. I’m currently retraining so it would be bad timing really. And also there’s a massive gap in my salary and his so I’d be paying for most things 🤔. It’s not sounding good is it[/quote]
Dear God -end it.

That mum would be your kid’s grandmother. If you broke up - (probably inevitable, by the sound of it) She would have access to your kid without you supervising. What’s more, the relationship with you would NOT be amicable. He would probably be fucking useless.

Great decision. If you want to laugh, have a look on Netflix. You'd be crying with this guy after not too long.

Right decision, OP.

@breakingupslowly

We got off to a rocky start, as he couldn’t decide whether he wanted his ex back or whether he wanted me. Eventually he decided it was me he wanted but it still hurts. It’s good to have someone after being alone for so long but is this a good enough reason to keep it going. He makes me laugh and we have good times together, but I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️

Can't read anymore. You need some self respect and confidence. Why are you allowing these people around your kid too?!

Run

Glad you've decided to walk away, but to be honest if it's been "mostly down" all the time you've been seeing him I would have thought that was a no-brainer.

Rough guy with rough family, mindfuck about his ex, keen to have a baby 3 months into seeing someone, you'd be 'paying for most things' - honestly, your boundaries are so low you need to take a big break from dating again because you're a sitting duck for this type of loser.

If it doesn't feel right, it isn't right. Might be ok for a bit of fun but if you are thinking long term you know the answer. When it's right you know

Your first mistake was waiting around for him to choose you.
I can't see any good coming out of staying with him.

How old are you both?

You’re completely entitled to end a relationship over whatever reason.
Usually things that give you the ick in the beginning only become bigger of an issue later on so I completely understand your concern.

Yanbu
It is always an excellent idea to see what kind of family he comes from and how much he is like them. These people will be a huge part of your kids life so you want to make sure about that.

We’re both early thirties, and yes I definitely need to raise my standards. I wish I’d gone with my gut instinct in the beginning and got out 😩. Now I feel attached even though I know it’s not right.

His sister and her partner seem nice and “normal” but yeah the rest of the family set up seem rough.

Attachment is what is causing withdrawal symptoms after a break up. It fades after a while and probably in a few weeks/months/years you’ll be grateful to your precious self that you ended the relationship. That’s how I have always felt after every break up. Your gut feeling is there to help you.

Throw this one back, you can do better.

Perhaps see a counselor instead and the next fish you meet won't be one of those parasitic male angler fish who burrows into the female and feeds off her to survive...as this is exactly what it sounds like he intends on doing.