Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider ending it due to his family?

66 replies

breakingupslowly · 28/04/2021 09:02

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and it’s been very up and down - mostly down. But I’m thinking about the long term and what I want from life. His family is quite erm... (without wanting to sound disrespectful) a bit rough around the edges. His mum especially. She makes comments about how she hasn’t had sex in ages, and in general acts very vulgar and childish, talking about dildos etc at the dinner table.

I’ve been a single parent for a long time and this is my first boyfriend since my dc’s dad. I’m not ruling out another baby in the future, but if I did have one, I wouldn’t want her to be looking after it. Am I being a bit of a snob?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 28/04/2021 09:38

He and his mum sound awful and it's no surprise that you'd end up funding him. For heavens's sake, OP! You deserve so much more than this.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 28/04/2021 09:40

Why are you wasting time with someone you've dated for a few months and had mostly downs??

Whatisthisfuckery · 28/04/2021 09:41

Being miserable alone is a really bad reason to be in a relationship OP. The kind of loneliness that comes with being stuck with someone you can’t stand is far worse than anything you’ll experience as a single person, I can fully assure you of that.

Just bin him off, he doesn’t even look good on paper. Do look at your standards though, because if you’re seriously considering this man as a prospect they need some work.

Original poster
breakingupslowly · 28/04/2021 09:41

Thank you everyone. I really needed to hear/read this today. There are SO many red flags but the thought of dealing with his mum in the long term makes me shudder. It’s time to walk away.

OP posts:
littleredberries · 28/04/2021 09:42

Run for the hills

littleredberries · 28/04/2021 09:43

@breakingupslowly

Thank you everyone. I really needed to hear/read this today. There are SO many red flags but the thought of dealing with his mum in the long term makes me shudder. It’s time to walk away.
Great decision op x
toocold54 · 28/04/2021 09:55

We got off to a rocky start, as he couldn’t decide whether he wanted his ex back or whether he wanted me.

I’d end it for this reason alone.
I wouldn’t end it for the family reasons as we can’t choose our families and someone else you meet could have a worse family.

Chickychickydodah · 28/04/2021 09:56

I was alone for 7 years and hoped for a nice relationship, I met a couple of people who I wanted to build a relationship/ family with but I was looking through rose tinted specs and they weren’t right. Then I met the man I married and we’re coming upto 20 years now.
Don’t give up on being with someone nice.

Hadjab · 28/04/2021 10:00

You are being snobby, but that’s neither here nor there. You’re not satisfied in this (very short) relationship, so end it before you get deeper, then find yourself regretting it further down the line.

MaskingForIt · 28/04/2021 10:00

Gosh, if anyone couldn’t decide between me and their ex is make that decision for them! Don’t allow yourself to be second-best, OP

Dashel · 28/04/2021 10:03

It sounds like you want to meet Mr Right and whilst you are with Mr Wrong you are wasting time that you could be with him.

That’s not to say you have to have a man and there are certainly times where Mr Wrong can be Mr Fun for Now, but if you do want to settle down then this sounds like a waste of your time that isn’t even a good distraction or fun and not worth the head ache.

CargoShortsAndSlippers · 28/04/2021 10:04

I'd rather be alone than be around people like that.

Alfiemoon1 · 28/04/2021 10:05

End it. It really shouldn’t be this hard so early on

NeedNewKnees · 28/04/2021 10:06

He had you doing the Pick Me Dance from the off. You and your child deserve better. Walk away with your head held high.

CruCru · 28/04/2021 10:06

Honestly? In the early days it really should be really good. Up and down during the first few months is too much work for a new relationship. Move on.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 28/04/2021 10:08

Please, please, UP YOUR BAR! Get rid of him and honestly raise your standards. You don't need to justify ending a new relationship at all. If it doesn't work for you for WHATEVER reason, then you are perfectly reasonable to leave it. Don't feel guilt, either.

Kangaroobill · 28/04/2021 10:11

There should be hardly any down bits in the first few months of a relationship. It’s the easiest but. That alone should make you end it. You sound lonely, don’t settle for this just to be with someone. Me and DH aren’t amazingly happy but we only argue once or twice a year after 17 years together, it really shouldn’t be so difficult in the early stages.

FuckyouCovid21 · 28/04/2021 10:12

@Whatisthisfuckery

Being miserable alone is a really bad reason to be in a relationship OP. The kind of loneliness that comes with being stuck with someone you can’t stand is far worse than anything you’ll experience as a single person, I can fully assure you of that.

Just bin him off, he doesn’t even look good on paper. Do look at your standards though, because if you’re seriously considering this man as a prospect they need some work.

Both @Whatisthisfuckery posts have been a little harsh but absolutely spot on.

Far too much drama for 3 months in

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/04/2021 10:13

Run. This is not the kind of relationship you should bring a baby into

notalwaysalondoner · 28/04/2021 10:20

If you're not sure after only a few months, it's DEFINITELY not the right relationship - I always give this advice to my friends. You don't need to know he's the one or anything, but the first 6-12 months should be true honeymoon period of finding them the most fun ever, thinking they're wonderful, wanting to spend all your time with them. If that's not how you feel, his family is irrelevant - you should get rid so you can find someone who actually makes you feel like that as quickly as possible. Don't just settle for the first person who came along.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 28/04/2021 10:24

I’d have ended it when he made you play a pick me dance in the beginning tbh. If any man told me he couldn’t choose between me and an ex, I’d honestly tell him to fuck off. Forget the Mother, that’s the biggest issue. Get rid.

starfishmummy · 28/04/2021 10:26

I’m not ruling out another baby in the future, but if I did have one, I wouldn’t want her to be looking after it. Am I being a bit of a snob

Probably as she has clearly managed to raise the son who you are dating. Although reading on you clearly have other issues with him, so probably best to move on.

bettybyebye · 28/04/2021 10:34

Oh god. Run!

Xmassprout · 28/04/2021 10:37

If you're having doubts this early on you should end it, regardless where the doubts have come from

Joinedjustforthispost · 28/04/2021 10:55

Op follow your gut instinct I certainly wish I had when I met dp mother I thought similar etc and to be honest after all the trouble she’s caused I wish I’d ran a mile . I felt like a snob for having my thoughts about her and was also judged a snob of dp mother, I was proven that not only was my snobbery correct she was also indeed batshit @breakingupslowly