Do second time Dads make better fathers ? Opinions please

[Kindasup1]

I've been reading about second time dad's who had a first family young then divorced their wife and go onto another relationship and start over and compare and say they are better fathers the second time, having learnt from mistakes and in a better place financially and emotionally. I wondered if anyone has a partner/ husband who has expressed this same opinion?? Is this sentiment common ? Do second time dads make better Dads ?

Sounds to me like "I've found yet another person to do all the grunt work but she's younger and slimmer so it feels easier"

I read those interviews too. I always think “if you were a better father you’d be spending lots of time and effort trying to repair your relationship with your original children, but I bet you’re not”

Also “I’m older and better paid so can buy in more help”

Not in my case. The father of my daughters was even crapper with them than he ever was with his 'first family'.

In my experience, I'd say that if they were a good dad first time around they'll be a good dad again. And ditto if they weren't. People do learn from experience, but basically if someone is lazy or uninterested they probably won't change.

Second time Dad’s? So not a second child but a second family makes them a ‘second time Dad’. No, I don’t think someone who abandons their family to create a new one can ever be classed as a good Dad (or person).

I think it's unusual for people to realise that they were crap first time round. If the parent knows and wants to change then they can be better.

It also depends on wife 1 vs wife 2's expectations of a good dad. If both are pretty similar then chances are dad will behave similar ime.

No experience with dad's who start a new family with another woman. My husband will be a second time dad as of next week but it'll be the 4 of us. He's absolutely amazing, caring, supportive, loving. He didn't need to create a family with someone else first to learn from his mistakes.

If someone isn't a great dad to his children, I doubt they'd be a good dad to the children with the new family. He's still the same person.

A friend of mine her husband has just left her with 2 kids which is exactly the same as he did with his first family...

My dad went on to have a second family when I was in my 20s. Financially they wanted for nothing. Three holidays a year. Still funds the youngests lifestyle since they graduated uni and moved back home. He is still an absolute arsehole to them and now less tolerant and more racist. I’m not sure they got the better man. I had a young father who was fit and fun albeit a womaniser and a Scrooge. They got the comfortable money but he was absent most of the time growing up due to work and women and just shouted and grumped constantly. We left him before my teens so I didn’t have the misery of growing up with him or the constant put downs from him. I don’t envy my siblings that.

God no. Absolutely not 😆 Laughable idea.

My uncle is a better dad now he's older and more settled in his career, I know my cousins are a bit jealous - but he's still a crappy husband, and also has two sets of demands on his time and finances. I really don't think his (much younger, very nice) second wife and young DD are faring better.

2nd time dads are usually skint because of 1st families.

In my experience, I'd say that if they were a good dad first time around they'll be a good dad again

This.

However the perception may be that this person is a “better” dad with the second family as there is more opportunity to be hands on if you are RP.

A NRP who only sees his children at weekends cannot be as involved as a RP seeing them every day. Especially if there’s a stepdad who does the day to day stuff, the comparison doesn’t hold.

That and from the POV of the “first” family who see money being spent on the second- they may perceive that as money they should have.

As for pp comment that all dads who have a second family have “abandoned” the first- that isn’t always the case.

But he's not starting over, second time around. He's still the father in his first family, even if he's not involved.

Whilst in theory I might marry a man who already had kids, I absolutely would not if he thought he could start afresh and make up for his mistakes with his next child. Fuck no. If he's not meeting all his obligations to his older children, he's a waste of space.

I always think “if you were a better father you’d be spending lots of time and effort trying to repair your relationship with your original children, but I bet you’re not”

This.

Who would ever trust a man who appears to have the capability to be a good dad, but choses to be this to only one set of his dc?

But it’s not like looking after a house plant in that is doesn’t matter if the first plant is a looking a bit rubbish so you can bin it. Being a parent is about how you treat all your children not just how you treat the more convent ones.

They may make more informed fathers, and care about their second lot of children, but how does it make their first family feel if they're dismissed as simply practice?

If the previous children are included as an important part of the ongoing family setup then maybe the father becomes someone who's learning how to rear children who have faith in themselves. But I think that fathers leaving behind a family for another one, and believing this makes them a better parent, are deluded.

Ime no, my exh was a second time dad, but an all time knobhead

My ex and I had a child really young. We managed to stay together for 10 years in total. We have both gone on to have 2nd 'familes' and are both better parents 2nd time round.

I always hope that the younger women of the 2nd wives club who are a lot more starry eyed than their predecessors know exactly what they've let themselves in for and are prepared to deal with it. God knows I couldn't but to each their own.

In my experience, I'd say that if they were a good dad first time around they'll be a good dad again

Who says he dumped his kids?

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

Second time Dad’s? So not a second child but a second family makes them a ‘second time Dad’. No, I don’t think someone who abandons their family to create a new one can ever be classed as a good Dad (or person).

Abandons? Sorry what?