To love my dog more than my baby?

[happydays2021]

To be fair he is a very amazing dog. He is always there for me and knows when I am feeling down. My 5 week old just eats, cries, screams and poops and I don't feel like I know him at all.

Nope you’re not BU. Found baby quite dull but I promise they get more interesting as time goes on. Nine years later dog still does what he’s told first time 99% of the time which is more than I can say for 9 year old, don’t worry about people saying YABU. It can take a while to bond with baby but I promise you, you will and in time baby and dog will be very cute together. Make sure you are looking after yourself though.

YADNBU. I felt exactly the same, my dog was my best friend. I had to have him put down when my baby was about 6 weeks old and it nearly killed me. I think if someone had offered to swap them I’d have taken them up on it. It did get better though, when the baby started interacting more.

@B1rthis

This is a big read flag. Not normal to not love your baby. Very normal to adore a dog!! Reach out to a post natal doula and get some support/trauma therapy. I'm so sorry for the horrific time you endured with birth.

Bollocks

Oh OP yanbu and I'd be reaching out for some help

I didn’t love my cats more than my son, but there was a point where I was so so grateful for them. He was ill, so my days were non-stop crying with months of such little sleep I started to go a bit mad and I was lonely, living away from family with only one friend left living nearby and no real chance to go and join baby groups as he was usually too ill (we went when we could, but it wasn’t enough). I remember feeling like I was utterly useless because I couldn’t fix what was wrong (and at that point we had no diagnosis). He was older than your son by that point, OP and we were well bonded, but it doesn’t stop me remembering that at one point I stepped out of the room to sit on the stairs a moment and cried. My lovely cat came and sat with me, then after I was calm when and sat by the door of the room as if she was saying “come on, let’s go back and try again, we can do this”. So, I absolutely understand the support of a lovely pet, but equally your love for your baby will grow. It just takes time for some people - and sometimes situations do push you to your limits, but you work through it. It’s early days yet, don’t pressure yourself, in time that bond and attachment will grow.

I love my dogs so much. The problem is that I know their lifespan is limited, I'm almost certain to outlive them.

My children. They should live well beyond my years.

Love for a dog is different but I can't imagine life without mine.

This is why I absolutely hate it when people say “just wait until he/she is placed in your arms, you’ll never know love like it”. It’s dangerous to say things like this because many mins (me included) don’t have that rush of love and all it does is make us feel like somethings wrong. It isn’t. Love takes time to grow.

I also remember bringing my son home from hospital to my dog who was wondering where the hell I’d been and going into the bathroom crying. Crying because I felt guilty changing my dogs life. I laugh now thinking of it but at the time it was awful.

My sons almost 3 now and I can’t put into words what he means to me. Even typing this out my heart has a rush of love. Real love!

Good luck OP but you’ll be fine. Congratulations x

Sorry for your trauma OP.

I know how that feels and the resulting difficulty with a newborn.

It took me far too long to admit to myself things weren’t right because it just felt like such a massive failure. I wish I’d talked to a health professional sooner.

Please talk to one. Might be the difference btwn a downward spiral vs a quick recovery.

YADNBU ! I loved my dog so much. Kids are hard work.

Ignore all the crazies on here tonight

Do you think you have bonded with your baby? Thing is, your baby cant compete right now with being there for you etc. Ince baby develops personality, you may feel differently

Have you contacted social services?

Yabu- but I can see why your feeling like that if your child is only 5 weeks old and you had a traumatic birth. It will come with time, if your feeling worried about it it may be worth reaching out to your gp/health visitor etc

I actively disliked my newborn until he was about 6 weeks old then little by little I loved him as much as the dog. Now he is huge and spotty and I love every stinky inch of him. The first few weeks are the hardest. Be gentle on yourself
and talk to people about it in RL. It's very very common.

I don't think this is about the dog, really.
I'm sorry you had a traumatic birth
Please have a look at www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/
And please do talk to your HV and GP about how you're feeling (you should have a 6-8 week check soon?)

Lol I hear you OP xx

YANBU.

Dogs give so much and expect very little in return. What they do want in return is at least fairly predictable. Babies on the other hand........

One of my best 'Mummy friends' I made when we were sat on the floor at the Children's Centre and confessed to each other "This mummy lark is all a bit shit, isn't it?" We were both bored stupid by these demanding little beings that didn't really give much back. Also them being the only topic of conversation anyone ever spoke to us about now, having previously had fulfilling lives.

For some people, it gets better as they get older. For some people it is PND and a chat with the doctor can help. For others, it just takes a while to adjust to our 'new normal.'

Give yourself time. 5 weeks is very early. Enjoy your dog, dogs are great.

I never liked newborns everyone said I would be crazy about my own and be happy just looking at them, nope boring as fuck. I endured the newborn bit it was hard work and the reward of snuggling people talk about did not do it for me. Once they got older started to love them more and more. Now my oldest is 9 and spends lots of time playing out with his friends I want to ask him to just stay with me... but I don't because that would be weird.

Bloody love my cats very little input for lots of love back. Newborns are such hard work but honestly stick with it it gets so much better once they get funny.

@Horehound
Only on MN Reach out to a post natal doula
Jesus wept, I took this as a light hearted post and here we have the poor woman analysed and diagnosed.

Well your dog probably showers you with unconditional love- it's what they are all about.

Your baby on the other hand is a tiny newborn and not capable of that yet! You just have to love your baby unconditionally while he cries and poos and drinks and eventually he will love you even more than your dog does and you'll love him more too!

Your dog might give you the attention and love you need right now, your baby takes alot of time energy and sleep from you but will give you so.much back, take it day by day... seriously your baby will out- love your dog.

I also second speaking to people in real life second time round when people asked I was honest I think maybe that's why it was better I didn't feel bad because so many people said similar things. One mum ended up telling me after 8 months in she still didn't enjoy being a mum then cried I was a bit shocked but I seen her years later and she said me being honest helped her so much. Always stayed with me.

Your dog gives love and makes you feel good. Your baby takes, takes, takes. Give it time the bond will grow, you have been through a traumatic time.

Think of your dog as your beloved and innocent pet, while your baby is an drudgery centred alien with a completely different language. Luckily a clever alien and when your DC is older you can laugh together about how dull and alien like babies are.

I do this with my DC and still remember it took ages to know them but it is so worth it!

I was thinking this the other day but kids grow up and can help around the house. The dogs create all the kitchen mess and just sit and watch me as I clean up around them. I have thought about putting cloths on their paws but I don't think it'll work.

I remember this feeling so well. I used to sit feeding ds for hours on end sobbing and wishing it was just me and the dogs again. It did pass at about 12/16 weeks. There are still days when I feel like that now that they are stroppy teenagers (but with a different dog now).

Dogs adore you unquestioningly. Babies don’t give a whole lot back. It will change though. Don’t beat yourself up.