To love my dog more than my baby?

[happydays2021]

To be fair he is a very amazing dog. He is always there for me and knows when I am feeling down. My 5 week old just eats, cries, screams and poops and I don't feel like I know him at all.

Sounds like PND.

Give it time, not everyone bonds straight away. Agree with talking to your hv.

Totally normal to love your dog more than your partner or other family members, a bit more concerning with your baby.

I felt very similar in the first few weeks of motherhood. (Cat not dog though.) I wasn't one of those people who gets a rush of overwhelming love for my baby. I remember crying because I missed cuddling my cat and the realisation that I would rather cuddle my cat than my baby made me feel like a terrible mother.

In those early days your baby is a stranger to you, and doesn't give anything back. He/she just takes takes takes, and often causes you pain. Your pet is responsive to you and you already have an established relationship. Plus, it's a link to your pre-baby life and I think it's normal for part of you to want to go back there, at least in the early days.

So don't feel bad. It does get easier with time, especially once the baby starts giving more back. Five weeks is still so early. Give your baby to your partner if your have one, cuddle your dog, have a good cry if you like, and trust that your love for your baby will grow with time.

Sorry but yabu... This reads a bit wierd. Did you not know a newborn would be like that? Did you expect conversations on the baby's faveroute soap opera or book?

I didn't bond with my DD straight away. Felt protective of this tiny thing and met her needs but didn't feel that burst of love people talk about. I love her more than anything now. It will come OP. But open up to your health visitor if you can. Sometimes a traumatic birth can make this feeling worse

(And I adored and still adore my dog throughout!)

Sounds pretty normal this early on to me. I have 5 children and was never particularly taken with them until around 4 to 6 months. Newborns are hard work and boring at the same time. So long as you feel like protecting the baby and not hurting it you are all good.

Continue to love your dog too. Once that baby gets so adorable and fun it steals your heart❤

@Eviethyme

Sorry but yabu... This reads a bit wierd. Did you not know a newborn would be like that? Did you expect conversations on the baby's faveroute soap opera or book?

Bit of a shitty post, why don't you RTFT and have some compassion.

Come back to us in 6 months to a year.

My dog’s still right up there... but it’s incomparable.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I didn't really love DS until he was about 3 months old. I still found him very cute and did everything he needed, but just didn't have the instant rush of love some people get. If you asked me who I loved more at 5 week, the honest answer probably would have been the cat (though I'd not admit it in real life).

When it did come, I the love was stronger than I would have thought possible. Give it time, the first weeks are hard because you have to put so much in and get nothing back, but in time the bond will form.

That said, in retrospect I can see I was probably suffering with PND and things might have got better sooner if I'd got help. If you are struggling then talk to you gp or health visitor.

Right now YANBU. I never had that rush of love feeling, when I got to know them, then I loved them. It'll come

@Eviethyme

Sorry but yabu... This reads a bit wierd. Did you not know a newborn would be like that? Did you expect conversations on the baby's faveroute soap opera or book?

Stupid post. Anyway knowing and experiencing are two very different things.

It’s ok OP when everything else is a bit upside down we tend to be drawn to something that is steady and constant. Your loyal companion is giving you the comfort you need right now. Do speak to your HV though if you’re feeling low.

Now I don’t like dogs particularly but I see your point. You love something familiar and comforting more than someone strange and new (and demanding). Not everyone gets that mad rush of love. Me and DD had to get to know each other. There’s nothing wrong with that (but speak to a professional if you’re worried).

YANBU and you are doing a great job! Baby’s is eating, pooping, screaming etc. Means you’re doing exactly what you should be and amazingly have managed to keep your sense of humour. Keep it up and sleep as much as you can - everything else will follow in time so don’t push.

The first 6 weeks are so hard op. You'll get to know your baby soon.
I'd ask for this thread to be removed, the replies aren't doing to make you feel any better

I completely agree with other posters; I too, did not get that rush of love. I remember thinking that my cats were so much easier to look after and weren’t demanding of my time constantly in the way a newborn is. I quite happily let other people hold my baby (I’m ashamed to say I was relieved when they did). I remember saying to my husband that I had never fallen head over heels in love with anyone else instantly, so why should I have had those feelings with my baby? I felt awful thinking like that, but I believe it makes sense!

I can’t imagine feeling those things now as I adore my daughter and we have the most beautiful bond, but it took time.

Yanbu.

I wasn’t madly in love with my son at the beginning and I felt guilty. When he was 2 weeks plus he was so colicky and looking back the constant crying took its toll on me but even before them I felt too shellshocked to be madly and comfortably in love. Also in hindsight I think I had postnatal depression. A delay in bonding and pnd can come hand in hand. Could you have pnd?

I love him more than anyone now though, and have done since he was about 6m.

Even if you don’t have pnd I’d say what you’re experiencing is pretty normal. Do tell someone though. It’s definitely the right thing to do and it might help.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

On a positive note, you won't be picking baby's shit up off the floor with a poo bag unlike the pooch?

Oh sending you a big hug. You have this little
Stranger living in your home and your adjusting to motherhood. I was so in a daze the first few weeks I didn’t know if I was comming or going.

Speak to your health visitor.

Bless you OP, are you a FTM? I felt like this with my first (and only so far). Birth didn't go to plan at all and it took me a long time to get over it. Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling? Partner, family, friends? It's so life changing no matter how 'prepared' you think you were! Are you getting out for fresh air? Please reach out to someone if you haven't done already. I hope you are OK x

YANBU. One thing that really stood out to me before I had kids was a friend saying the weirdest thing about having a baby was her son came out and she expected to recognise him but he just look like a complete stranger. Wrinkly, alien and as unfamiliar to her as the baby in the next glass box in the ward. Sometimes it’s totally normal to feel like you don’t know the baby or what it wants. You don’t! It’s new! It’s ridiculous hippy shit to think every woman is miraculously and immediately in tune with her baby like it’s an extension of herself. Sometimes they just scream and poo and scream and poo and you look at them and think, WTF?! You know your dog inside out. People who reply ‘YABU’ without thinking are not considering how you might just be reeling from the surreal feeling of it all. I totally understand! But obviously if the feeling doesn’t go away then don’t be worried about telling a professional who can check you are okay.

Your child loves you and depends on you and his way of communicating this is to scream because it's the only noise he can make.

I'm gonna be frank here - dogs don't 'love' their owners because of their owner's sparkling personality and wit, they are good to them because hats the person that feeds and walks them. If you gave your dog away tomorrow it would 'love' it's new owner and forget about you.

I take it your dog doesn't poo

Being a new mum is really hard, and it's ok not to immediately feel love. But comparing your live to that of a pet is just unnecessary and doesn't sit well with me at all

*love not live

@MissHoney85

I felt very similar in the first few weeks of motherhood. (Cat not dog though.) I wasn't one of those people who gets a rush of overwhelming love for my baby. I remember crying because I missed cuddling my cat and the realisation that I would rather cuddle my cat than my baby made me feel like a terrible mother.

In those early days your baby is a stranger to you, and doesn't give anything back. He/she just takes takes takes, and often causes you pain. Your pet is responsive to you and you already have an established relationship. Plus, it's a link to your pre-baby life and I think it's normal for part of you to want to go back there, at least in the early days.

So don't feel bad. It does get easier with time, especially once the baby starts giving more back. Five weeks is still so early. Give your baby to your partner if your have one, cuddle your dog, have a good cry if you like, and trust that your love for your baby will grow with time.

YANBU ^^ this I cried the first time DH went to work and I couldn’t walk my lab because of the baby (c sec and lab is very strong on the lead) I felt so bad for my dog. The love will come, I promise just give it time.

Oh you are not being unreasonable at all.

I love my son more than anything in this world. But it grew in his first couple of months. At first he felt like a complete stranger. I knew I loved him but I didn't know him if that makes sense.

Give it time OP and speak to you HV of you're concerned.

This is a big read flag.
Not normal to not love your baby.
Very normal to adore a dog!!
Reach out to a post natal doula and get some support/trauma therapy.
I'm so sorry for the horrific time you endured with birth.