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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother offering to pay for Weight Watchers for me

65 replies

Wejustliveinayellowsubmarine · 27/04/2021 20:03

First time I’ve seen my parents in months because of the lockdowns we’ve had and one of the first things they did was prod my tummy and say “what’s this?” Bearing in mind I’ve been extremely stressed with a 2 year old at home for the best part of a year. I’ve been trying to eat lower carb, but my hormones make me bloated too and I do struggle with exercise on my own, I lack motivation and I just dislike it generally.
They’ve always gone on about my weight, especially since I moved out and can make my own meals etc. They constantly compare me now to when I was a pre teen and teenager and very slim.

Anyway, my mum has offered to pay for weight watchers for me. Am I right to be really offended?

I actually thought both of them looked fatter than when I last saw them too, but I didn’t say anything because I felt it was impolite and unnecessary.

OP posts:

Barksmum12 · 27/04/2021 20:42

I think it depends on your weight: overweight- rude
Obese- reasonable to stage a health intervention. (Without a jab at the belly)

DrManhattan · 27/04/2021 20:46

Ask if you can just have the cash and spend it on cake

Redjumper1 · 27/04/2021 20:51

I also think it depends on your weight. My DM gave me a big lecture about my weight when I was a healthy BMI just not slim. It's not coming from a place of concern. If you are obese or very overweight then it could be coming from a place of love. It was tactless no netheless.

tuliplily · 27/04/2021 20:59

Tell them to fuck right off

thesugarbumfairy · 27/04/2021 21:04

Well, its hard to say, but given the way you described it, I'd be offended yes.

However

my step-mum did this 4 weeks ago. I haven't seen her for ages (distance, Covid) but she's seen me (on the telly - not exciting stuff - but you can obviously see my size)
She is 77 and obsessed with her weight (she is literally half my size) . She tells me how much she weighs every phone call. It obviously isn't going to change now. She has never been overweight in her life so she really doesn't know what its like. I on the other hand, have been dieting since I was 11, and had an eating disorder for 25 years.

She never normally mentions my weight, but on our last but one phonecall, she ended it with 'please don't be offended, but I know that your weignt can't help your and I'd be happy to pay for Jane Plan. Let me know what you think'

I was a bit offended at first. But I thought about it. A lot. It came from a good place and she was trying to help. She's probably been discussing it with my step sister (they do that!) and how they could bring it up sensitively. I haven't raised it again and I don't think she will - she just put the offer on the table.

I won't take her up on it - firstly because she can't afford it, but secondly because I'm not doing a faddy plan ever again (I don't actually think WW is faddy - I just can't be arsed - I'm calorie counting - Jane plan however, is faddy)

How do you feel about it. I know you said you struggle, but are you actually overweight? Does it bother you, really? Can you afford to do WW - if yes would you want to anyway? Its actually quite hard work following a plan when you have a toddler. Well its hard work at any time. Will she just nag and nag you if you don't lose weight on the plan. If you think you might benefit, give it a go. Take her up on it.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 27/04/2021 21:07

Horrible

CarmelBeach · 27/04/2021 21:08

@NeverFlyCoach

Take the money, spend it on chips.

Yes!

OP my parents did this to me years ago. I told them where to shove it.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 27/04/2021 21:11

Jesus, you all know that weight isn't the only indicator of health? All banging on about 'they just care about your health!!' As if all slim people are healthy.

Stop attaching value to weight. Stop pretending that issues with fat people is really just an issue with 'health'.

How your body looks and how you choose to deal with it is no one else's business. Just because you are trying to lose weight goes not give anyone else the right to comment and give you unsolicited advice.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/04/2021 21:11

Is DM a fixer usually? Does she often try help? It was a bit cheeky but more than likely from a place of concern.
Most people excluding the ones who made a conscious effort put on weight this year, my friends DS put on 20lb he is 8, I hid my shocked face.

MyFloorIsLava · 27/04/2021 21:15

@MolyHolyGuacamole

Jesus, you all know that weight isn't the only indicator of health? All banging on about 'they just care about your health!!' As if all slim people are healthy.

Stop attaching value to weight. Stop pretending that issues with fat people is really just an issue with 'health'.

Thank goodness you've posted this. Mumsnet is so painfully fat-phobic its unreal. My mum spent years nagging me about my weight and it never made me slim, just self conscious. The OP's mum and previous posters need to admit they're not concerned about the OPs health, they're judgy and fat-shaming and need to mind their own fucking business when it comes to other people's bodies.

Original poster

Wejustliveinayellowsubmarine · 27/04/2021 21:15

She’s always gone on and on about my weight. Even when I wasn’t particularly overweight. I probably am by my own admission, overweight and I would like to do something about it , but in my own time and on my own terms. She’s the sort of person that if I say I’ve started trying to lose weight, will check in with me regularly to see how I’m doing.
Completely ignoring the fact that my dad, her DH is very overweight, doesn’t do much exercise and has a heart condition! She’s also the kind of person who thinks a sandwich on white bread is healthy as long as everything is in small portions. I do remember as kids we weren’t allowed any fast food, which meant when we became adults we felt like we wanted it all the more.

OP posts:

Sunflowers095 · 27/04/2021 21:21

@FloodedFlat

Your mum cares about you and knows that your life will be better if you are healthy and aren't overweight. She is trying to help in a practical way.

Imposing weightloss on someone is not healthy, helpful, or whatever else. Surely that's just common sense?

Sunflowers095 · 27/04/2021 21:22

@Wejustliveinayellowsubmarine

She’s always gone on and on about my weight. Even when I wasn’t particularly overweight. I probably am by my own admission, overweight and I would like to do something about it , but in my own time and on my own terms. She’s the sort of person that if I say I’ve started trying to lose weight, will check in with me regularly to see how I’m doing. Completely ignoring the fact that my dad, her DH is very overweight, doesn’t do much exercise and has a heart condition! She’s also the kind of person who thinks a sandwich on white bread is healthy as long as everything is in small portions. I do remember as kids we weren’t allowed any fast food, which meant when we became adults we felt like we wanted it all the more.

OP that's awful. My own mother was always like this and even once I got an eating disorder and it got really bad she told me I'm "gaining weight and it's probably all the fast food" when I was in recovery.

Not exactly the same but her comments have definitely contributed to the decline in my mental health. I would tell her to piss off

Amdone123 · 27/04/2021 21:24

Agree with pp. Anyone with half a brain knows that for someone, anyone, to lose weight, the motivation has to come from within.

I'd be annoyed.

Diemme · 27/04/2021 21:24

I'm very sensitive about my weight and would be fuming if my mother did that. I can't get my head round people asking how overweight you are to help them decide if it was justified or not. Do you honestly think you've ever met a fat person who'd have nipped it in the bud and lost weight earlier if only someone had told them how to do it!

MolyHolyGuacamole · 27/04/2021 21:26

@FloodedFlat

Your mum cares about you and knows that your life will be better if you are healthy and aren't overweight. She is trying to help in a practical way.

My life would be better if I was rich.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 27/04/2021 21:28

This is the sort of thing my Mum does, it’s her way of showing she cares. Just seems so backhanded to me, basically calling you chubby/fat in an indirect way and it’s totally rude.

partyatthepalace · 27/04/2021 21:44

Maybe you could offer to pay for her to do slimming world, see how she likes that.

She is being a bitch, obvs, but so many people are mad around this topic. I think rather than suffer in silence you have to keep pushing back by telling her your body is your own business, and you don’t need or want her opinion. Usually this shuts people up - don’t allow her to draw you into a conv, just keep repeating it. And if she pats you like like again, give her a sharp mini slap on her hand, and tell her to keep her hands to herself - I am serious, no one has the right to invade your physical space with the intention of making you feel bad.

Jumpers268 · 27/04/2021 21:55

@MolyHolyGuacamole

Jesus, you all know that weight isn't the only indicator of health? All banging on about 'they just care about your health!!' As if all slim people are healthy.

Stop attaching value to weight. Stop pretending that issues with fat people is really just an issue with 'health'.

👏👏👏. Literally that!!! Why people feel the need to comment on anyone's weight, without them even saying anything, is beyond me.

FeelinHappy · 27/04/2021 21:58

Offer to pay for her to attend tact school!

This is one of those things that depends so much on the history and what sort of relationship you have with her. My mum is similar, she was pointedly buying me diet food back when I was a size 12. It's awful and humiliating, and it is counter-productive.

Pinchoftums · 27/04/2021 22:12

My parents bring up my weight it's not hugely helpful however I am overweight and no one else would bring it up. I know my parents are doing it from a place of love (though it is fucking annoying!) As they don't want me to be affected with health problems.

HTH1 · 27/04/2021 22:15

@IWouldntBother

Tell them to fuck off and then eat them

I agree with this. YABU for not mentioning their own weight gain.

PasstheBucket89 · 27/04/2021 23:42

give as good as you get, say what youve said to us, why shouldnt you theyve got no filter, "Thats a bit rude, will you both be joining me as youve become more overweight in the last year aswell?"

see what response you get, im. so sorry they are so rude.

EmeraldShamrock · 28/04/2021 00:28

I think it is very rude to comment on people's appearance in general, in your situation I'd have retaliated, phone her tomorrow tell her how unpleasant she made your visit and you won't tolerate it again.
It's the only way to s

EmeraldShamrock · 28/04/2021 00:29

*shut her up.

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