Pronouns

[fizzycokezero]

I'm being asked to state my pronouns on my email at work. I don't really want to do this but I don't really have a good enough rationale. Am I wrong not to do this? Can someone just give me a sensible non contentious reason that I can say for not wanting to do it?
Thanks

I just declined and said I am happy to run the risk of being misgendered so don't need to state pronouns.

@fairynick

I don’t see it as a big deal. I work with an Alex and a Sam who are often referred to as “he” or “she” incorrectly in emails. Some people prefer they/them pronouns which I don’t mind respecting either, because it takes zero effort on my part and makes them feel more comfortable. I would personally write my pronouns on if everyone else is because it won’t effect me in any way and helps to normalise trans people doing the same. I know a trans man who is constantly called female pronouns in public which he says is a constant reminder that he will never seem to others how he sees himself. If he puts his pronouns in his email, it’s really helpful to himself and others.

But if he has adopted a “male” name, no one is going to misgender him in an email.

Meanwhile, putting pronouns in his email sign off will do naff all to stop people correctly recognising his sex in public.

It is pointless virtue signalling, and could only possibly be useful (to the recipient) for those with gender neutral names (but even then, it is likely to disadvantage women with such names, so is not “harmless” to them).

I’d tell them that my pronouns are none of their business, that I find their request deeply offensive and that any further requests for the same will be treated as bullying/harassment.

Just don’t do it. They cannot legally compel you.

If they ask why just say you don’t wish to. And end it there.

I think the whole thing is ludicrous. It’s compelled speech and creeping fascism.

Just say you don’t want to

If they insist I would just say my pronoun is xxxxx ( what ever your name is)

I would ask why it matters. Sex and/or gender has no impact on my ability to do my job. Or anyone else’s ability to interact with me.

Also my name, appearance and voice are all clearly female. And I’m too old to be woke.

If I don’t know someone’s gender I refer to them as they (not to be woke. Just grammar). But if I’m talking/emailing directly to them it really doesn’t matter because nobody refers to the person they’re speaking to in the third person regardless of their pronouns!

Do you work in tech?

If a person chooses to do so because their name is unusual, perhaps given their heritage, then this should be respected. If they choose not to, for whatever reason, it should be respected likewise.

Plenty of good suggestions above.

I'm clearly a female, but I have a traditionally male name. Sometimes someone just sees the name and assumes I'm a man. Then they'll sometimes ask if they have my name wrong. Nope, just a weird name, thanks! None of this changes the fact that I'm a woman and am perceived as a woman when I'm out in the world. I just make the correction, when necessary, and move on.

I don’t have a gender. I have a star sign and marital status though.

Mrs Cancer

Say you think it could lead to discrimination against you from people who had assumed you were male.

No, really, I’d just say my gender identity was a private matter.

I had an email today, sent only to my very-obviously-a-woman [email protected] email address, starting with "Dear Sirs". The sender had they/them pronouns.

The hypocrisy of falling back on inherently sexist conventions such as "Dear Sirs" whilst drawing my attention to and asking me to respect their particular gender identity is still annoying me twelve hours later tbh. It really just proves to me it's all absolute bullshit.

Say you have no problem with the wrong pronouns being used so don’t want to be instructive.

Daphne makes a good point about not wanting to be instructive. Most people refer to themselves as I / me (depending on context). How other people refer to you is ultimately up to the person speaking, not the person spoken of, surely?

But it’s probably best to just say you don’t want to do it.

Say that your pronouns are "you/your". First person pronouns are the only ones that really matter and they never specify they want third person pronouns

CraicDealer, that’s very annoying. Were they trying to indicate that you should address them as Dear Sirs back, as “they” implies that there is more than one of them? Probably still easier to use the name though.

It is discriminatory against those of us who went to a comprehensive in the 80s and therefore don't know what a pronoun is

I’ve got the answer: say ‘it’.

Nobody will do that.

For starters, I would ask whoever requested this, the simple, difficult questions:

Why?
What are the pronouns supposed to signify?
What happens if someone uses the “wrong” ones?

I just googled - there’s lots to choose from.
Ve/ver, ze/hier, xe/xem, fae/faer, per/per.
What is the difference between pronouncing xe and ze I don’t know.
So maybe a different one for each day of the week?

I thought the whole point of encouraging everyone to put pronouns into their social media/emails was so that it became normalised.

A lot of trans/non-binary people were putting their preferred pronouns in their SM/emails which was basically signposting the fact that it was a thing of relevance and was making them stand out regardless. People started putting their pronouns in to normalise the process - if everyone puts their pronouns in emails/SM then nobody stands out negatively by highlighting theirs due to necessity.

I have no issues with people knowing my pronouns and am happy to put them in my email/SM if it normalises the practice, and if it was to affect levels of sexism/discrimination then I would rather deal with the sexism rather than the use of pronouns.

I know a trans man who is constantly called female pronouns in public which he says is a constant reminder that he will never seem to others how he sees himself. If he puts his pronouns in his email, it’s really helpful to himself and others

How is it helpful though, really? If he is always called female pronouns, it is because he looks female. Almost none of the people who call him female pronouns will ever see his work email footer. He already knows that others won't see him as male because he doesn't look male, and a handful of people seeing his work email isn't going to change anything, really.
And certainly a bunch of women in his office changing their emails to reflect the obvious fact that they are women isn;t going to help him either.

Yeah, let's just sort out sexism.
That'll only take, what, an afternoon.

It's amazing no one tried before, but I guess that comes from being silly little women.

Some people at work do this but I do not. Pronouns only matter if I'm not part of a conversation. If I am having a conversation, then You and I or my first name is adequate address. I think some people like to label themselves, but I find that limiting.