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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to take a treat in for former colleagues?

30 replies

HCPinhiding · 27/04/2021 09:19

I've been off sick from work for more than 18months and have officially left now. I'm going in to clear out my things and say goodbye to anyone around (shift work and rotating staff so varies who is about).

Ordinarily if I was leaving I would have taken a tub of chocs or something in on the last day, seems a bit arbitrary when I've already not been there for so long. Of course treats are always nice but I'm wondering whether to bother?

It means going out of my way by a good few miles and the extra time to get something (making my illness worse) and spending a fair bit to get enough for everyone to have them (I work in a place with about 11 different areas of which the teams rotate so to not get something for each area would be leaving people out) so it will cost £50-60 just getting something at £4-5 (smaller things wouldn't give everyone a crack at them).

What do you reckon?

AIBU not to bother?

Yes for take something
No for don't bother please

Thanks!

OP posts:
milinhas · 27/04/2021 09:20

No, don’t bother in your circumstances

FuckyouCovid21 · 27/04/2021 09:20

It's not something I would do

altlife · 27/04/2021 09:23

Have you received anything from work whilst being off sick? Flowers for example

ElderMillennial · 27/04/2021 09:25

Well it depends on your relationship with your colleague. Do you have one? Have they been in touch? Have they sent you a card or flowers as PP asked?

I think if you've been away that long and mot been in touch with anyone then they probably don't care tbh and I think it's something you should only do if you want to.

Original poster
HCPinhiding · 27/04/2021 09:36

A couple of them have been in touch but not much, and not for a long time. (Apart from 1 colleague I keep in touch with and will continue to.)
There wasn't any flowers or anything from them.
(Makes me sound not liked but I was always well thought of and liked, at least that's the feedback that I got in conversations etc. but I've never had any decisions of granduer. My business is definitely everyone is a number and replaceable so only a handful of colleagues will have given much thought to me. But obviously not that much as they haven't been in touch). Makes me sound sorry for myself. I'm not. I'm fine with it. But I am a caring person and didn't want people to think I didn't give a damn I guess.

OP posts:
OneCalamerra · 27/04/2021 09:39

I wouldn’t take in treats in that situation,

ElderMillennial · 27/04/2021 09:43

It sounds like you didn't make any friends at work though OP which is kind of sad but if you don't have relationship with anyone then don't feel you should take treats. If you've been off sick for so long then they could have sent you a card or something to be fair.

paralysedbyinertia · 27/04/2021 09:45

I don't think there is any obligation on you to do this at all, and you definitely shouldn't do anything that will make your illness worse. It sounds like you've been really poorly and you need to look after yourself.

I can't quite imagine the set-up that would require you to go a few miles out of your way to buy a tub of chocs, and I also don't quite understand why you'd need to spend so much - it's just a token, it wouldn't really matter if not everyone got some. Is it possible that you're over thinking it a bit?

All of that is irrelevant, though, because you really don't need to take anything at all. I'm sure that your former colleagues won't be offended and that they'll wish you well anyway.

I hope that it isn't too difficult going back in. Flowers

AryaStarkWolf · 27/04/2021 09:51

I would have thought it would be the other way round that you'd get something because you're leaving? Anyway no I wouldn't

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 27/04/2021 09:52

I wouldn’t in the situation you’ve described, unless they have got you something or had a leaving collection.

Mellonsprite · 27/04/2021 09:56

I don’t think that your obliged to in these circumstances.
In larger places i think it’s more usual to buy stuff only for your immediate colleagues / team rather than the whole building. I wouldn’t spend £50 on sweets for everyone- that’s the unreasonable expectation here.

PhilCornwall1 · 27/04/2021 10:04

I wouldn't do it and never have.

I don't participate in this nonsense that you buy cakes for everybody on your birthday and don't accept any from people who are buying either. Same for leaving presents.

I'm probably different to many and see them as no more than people who I have to be with during working hours. Once I'm gone or they are, they're instantly forgotten.

DingDongDenny · 27/04/2021 10:36

I think its more normal for them to give you a present as you are leaving. That's how it's always worked in places I've worked

notanothertakeaway · 27/04/2021 10:40

Maybe you could send a card to say goodbye / wish your colleagues well?

stackemhigh · 27/04/2021 10:52

Nope, as they haven't really bothered with you, I wouldn't bother.

Is there anyone you would like to keep good relations with?

threeteenstaximum · 27/04/2021 11:46

Meh. They won't expect it. And £50 is ridiculous amount. I never was bothered if someone bright in sweets after holiday or birthday cake.
I'd feel terrible if I found out my colleague has spent a fortune or made them self more ill going to shop to get an unnecessary leaving sweets. Is that even a thing? Usually if leaving gifts are given it's to the person leaving.

Your colleagues will be glad to see your face and say hi before you leave.

newnortherner111 · 27/04/2021 12:19

I wouldn't. Given there were long periods of time where gyms were shut and so many people might be concerned about their weight.

TokyoSushi · 27/04/2021 12:21

If it was just one tub of Celebrations and you could get them from the local Co-Op then I would have said yes. In the situation you describe I wouldn't bother.

FlyingBurrito · 27/04/2021 12:25

Of course you don't need to take anything in, I wouldn't give it a moment's thought.

I've never worked anywhere that the person leaving took in a gift though

idontlikealdi · 27/04/2021 12:39

It wouldn't even have crossed my mind tbh. You're the one leaving, and you have no idea who will be there and you've been gone 18 months.

eatsleepread · 27/04/2021 12:45

I would, if they had to pick up the slack in your absence in any way.

Notaroadrunner · 27/04/2021 12:48

No I wouldn't bring anything in. Go, collect your things, say cheerio to anyone you happen to see while you're there, and leave.

GreyhoundG1rl · 27/04/2021 12:52

Not trying to be nasty, but you've been missing for over 18 months with very little contact?
They'll have moved on.

ThePlantsitter · 27/04/2021 12:57

Honestly if there isn't anything in it for you don't do it. I realise that sounds transactional but it was work after all. I's the kind of thing you'll spend alot of energy (and money) on and get literally nothing in return.

TheLastLotus · 27/04/2021 12:57

OP it’s normally the other way round (they should give you a present). I wouldn’t bother
Also they’ll probably have forgotten you by now (sorry but that’s the truth)

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