Would you report family?

[Pasqual]

An older member of DHs family has been diagnosed with vascular dementia.
They are having real problems with recalling any information from the present but will happily talk about things that happened 30 years ago as if it's current.

I'm concerned that they are still driving, my DH and his immediate family agrees, however the wider family are happy to let them continue as usually there is a passenger in the car who can direct them.

We've just been told that they took the car out themselves at the weekend, was gone for 2 hours but has no recollection of where they were. They left the house unlocked and took no phone with them.

I'm really starting to get concerned for not only their safety but for others too.
No one else is doing anything about it as they don't want to be the 'bad guy'. I have no idea if they have reported their diagnoses to the DVLA

So my question is, would you anonymously report a family member that you don't believe is safe to be driving?

Yabu - don't report family
Yanbu- report them

You may need to get his doctor to file a report with the Dvla to actually get his license revoked.

Fil had several crashes over the space of about 5 years, the last two were after he was diagnosed with firstly dementia then Alzheimer’s. He was told not to drive and despite family trying to stop him, he carried on.

Looking back we think the Alzheimer’s had started long before diagnosis.

The last crash he had, he had 10 year old nephew in car. He totally misjudged the situation and pulled out into the path of a car coming from his right. The other driver was drunk and driving at speed. Fils car was written off and both he and nephew were lucky not to have sustained any serious injury.

We refused to replace the car, but got him assessed again and the doctor wrote a report to the the Dvla to say he wasn’t fit to drive. The Dvla revoked the license.

We realised that we should have got rid of the car when we were first told that he shouldn’t really drive. But because the car was there he continued.

I did this with FIL a few years back - not dementia but a physical issue that meant his reactions were much slower. He’d had some minor scrapes but neither DP or BIL were willing to do the right thing. As long as you have name and address details it can be done.

Of course it may not stop them from driving if they have access to the keys, still.

Absolutely. Years ago when my father turned 70 the DVLA sent a questionnaire thing to check he was still fit to drive. He was honest and declared his health problems, including a stroke. He is not fit to drive so doesn’t, but the DVLA still pulled his licence. I suspect so many people lie on these forms and can’t bear to think how many people who are unsafe to drive do so because they are too selfish to find alternatives.

Sorry I just realised I wrongly assumed your family member was male and also missed that you are some distance away from family member.

That makes it more difficult for you to do anything constructive, especially if you need the license number to make a report. My only advise it to reach out to the wider family to take action.

I know it feels hard to do it but yes you absolutely should.

Last week I was driving round a big roundabout and an elderly lady came round it the wrong way going fairly fast. Had the timing been slightly off she would have crashed into my car (which had me and my children in it). I managed to get her license plate and called the non emergency police number when I got home - she could really hurt herself or someone else driving like that and it is was ethically the right thing to do to report her.

I've contacted the DVLA and the non emergency police line this morning and gave them all the details I have.

I'm hoping that someone in authority getting in touch will hit reality for the immediate family and make them realise that they need to step in.

@Pasqual

I've contacted the DVLA and the non emergency police line this morning and gave them all the details I have.

I'm hoping that someone in authority getting in touch will hit reality for the immediate family and make them realise that they need to step in.

I know it feels horrible but you've definitely done the right thing.

A few years ago we had concerns about my Dad, no diagnosis at that point just our own suspicions/worry and he popped to the local shop (minutes away) in his car and just got totally disorientated - the poor fella drove around his small town for hours with no idea of how to get home.

Eventually something must have just 'clicked' again in his head and he knew the way home but the whole thing was awful.

Mum was freaking out that he wasn't back and we had no idea what was happening/where to look/what to do.

My parents had lived in that small town for about 20 years so he knew it very well but that day his memory just went blank.

It was one of the hardest things we've ever done and he was devastated but there was no way he could keep on driving after that, it's a miracle that nothing tragic happened.

@1stmonkey

When my father was diagnosed, he (and my mum) were told he should no longer be driving. And told very clearly. I had assumed that was normal practice. If that isn't the case i would have a conversation with them, rather than report straight away. Explaining that their insurance is likely no longer valid may be enough.

A diagnosis of dementia in and of itself is not indicative that someone is unsafe to drive. I'm a Geriatrician and lots of people with dementia are safe to drive, it is dependent on where their deficits are. They (or their family member) should however notify the DVLA of their diagnosis (this is required by law) and they will then be subject to a driving health check annually and whenever there is a change to their condition. Unfortunately, the DVLA sends the annual health check to the GP and whilst the GP is supposed to call the person in to assess them this doesn't always happen.

At the point at which I feel someone is unsafe to drive I advise the person, their family and the DVLA. I expect the family to act with regard to removing access to a vehicle if someone cannot retain that they are not allowed to drive.

It might be worth you knowing that when people surrender their driving licence there’s nothing to stop them applying for a new one if they change their minds. I know that’s unlikely with someone with dementia but I don’t think many people are aware of this.

Been in this circumstance with my Dad. He suffered vascular detention and we put in so many controls to support him to continue driving. But eventually we had to stop him.

Final straw came when he drove to a hairdressing appointment, but then forgot where he parked the car and tried to walk home by following the road he would usually drive. After two hours missing, he was finally located walking up the side of a motorway and trying to climb over roadworks to continue in his way. Thankfully a contractor spotted him, stopped him put him in a car and drove him home. He could still give clear directions as to where he lived.

I think you need to speak him, your family and his doctor regarding his abilities and the available supports. My Dad was given the option of resitting his test if he wanted to continue to drive - he declined, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to pass and that was recognition for him he wasn’t able anymore.

The loss of his licence was quite significant for him, he lost his independence, confidence and the cognitive ability that supported him when he was driving, resulting in a further deterioration of his condition.

We put lots of additional supports in place to allow him to have as normal a life as possible. We used a local taxi firm to pick up and drop him off at activities (they were fab, as when his condition was quite advanced, they would physically escort him to where he went and pick him up - giving me and Mum such comfort and relief, and him continued illusion of independence).

Speak to your family. Simply informing the DVLA, without exhausting this route, could result in a lot of upset, which could be avoided if you do this in a planned and considered manner.

It's simple really if they kill someone because they don't remember how to stop or drive on the wrong side of the road could you live with yourself knowing you could have prevented it? If not then you report them.

Needs to be reported. If you don't feel comfortable doing it contact the GP. See if they will report for you.