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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you report family?

62 replies

Pasqual · 26/04/2021 18:40

An older member of DHs family has been diagnosed with vascular dementia.
They are having real problems with recalling any information from the present but will happily talk about things that happened 30 years ago as if it's current.

I'm concerned that they are still driving, my DH and his immediate family agrees, however the wider family are happy to let them continue as usually there is a passenger in the car who can direct them.

We've just been told that they took the car out themselves at the weekend, was gone for 2 hours but has no recollection of where they were. They left the house unlocked and took no phone with them.

I'm really starting to get concerned for not only their safety but for others too.
No one else is doing anything about it as they don't want to be the 'bad guy'. I have no idea if they have reported their diagnoses to the DVLA

So my question is, would you anonymously report a family member that you don't believe is safe to be driving?

Yabu - don't report family
Yanbu- report them

OP posts:
DumplingsAndStew · 26/04/2021 19:19

So glad to see this is anonymous so far (at 87 votes)

DumplingsAndStew · 26/04/2021 19:19

Not anonymous - unanimous. Ugh.

Busybee5000 · 26/04/2021 19:20

DVLA have to be informed legally of this diagnosis anyway, so somebody should be doing so. Also car insurance cover would be debatable as to whether even covered so you are doing everyone a favour by doing what is right. How would the family feel if the family member or somebody else was injured or run over.

Issues around VD are likely going to get worse so believe me if nobody wants to be the bad guy now, wait till they have to make even more difficult decisions in the future. Sorry to be direct but it’s how it is unfortunately.

AMillionMilesAway · 26/04/2021 19:25

Absolutely I would.
He needs to be prevented from harming himself or others.

However: the DVLA can take the license, but if he still has access to the car/keys, it won't be enough. (and not his fault, he's unlikely to remember he is not legally allowed to drive).

MadeForThis · 26/04/2021 19:27

Report to the dvla. But I would speak to the local police too.

Original poster
Pasqual · 26/04/2021 19:40

I am aware that the DVLA should be legally informed and this may already be done, I really don't know. The Alzheimer's Society website doesn't say that a diagnosis automatically means someone is unable to drive, so there must be procedures in place.

It just doesn't sit right with me that I've been told they were out in the car for so long and can't tell anyone where they've been.

I'd rather report and professionals can make any relevant decisions before anyone gets hurt.

Worst case scenario I've over-reacted and there's already monitoring in place.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 26/04/2021 19:42

Usually, the family would have discussions about this issue, and hopefully would intervene, and make a decision to take away the car keys etc., as the 'person suffering with dementia, could end up in very dire circumstances at some point. Not sure who you would report to, But the family hold the key,so to speak, for this situation.

FizzyApricot · 26/04/2021 19:49

You've done the right thing writing to them. It must be very hard when a relative is living with dementia and it may be that it needed someone not as close to think more rationally about the dangers.

AMillionMilesAway · 26/04/2021 20:01

OP you could try to contact dementia UK for help: www.dementiauk.org/get-support/dementia-helpline-alzheimers-helpline/ (phone or email)

They may be able to point you towards the right people to speak to.

bloodywhitecat · 26/04/2021 20:12

I would report them. (I would love to hear from the few voters who think you shouldn't report this, why wouldn't you report it?)

Unsure33 · 26/04/2021 20:31

Yes .

For their own safety plus others .

My aunt was like this and we did not realise .

She ended up driving into a wall on a short trip . She could have killed a child .

Theglassmakerofmurano · 26/04/2021 20:32

The number of old people who cause accidents, fatal and otherwise is shocking.

You need to report to the Police and DVLA.

Haffdonga · 26/04/2021 20:38

You need their driving licence number. I had to report someone once (was told to by the police) but without the licence number DVLA do Jack Shit. (I did have their name, licence plate, address etc to no avail)

DenisetheMenace · 26/04/2021 20:40

Accident waiting to happen. Sorry but you have to report them.

(Can’t believe family members are happy to be driven by them!)

chesteroo · 26/04/2021 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chesteroo · 26/04/2021 20:51

A dementia diagnosis does not automatically mean you’ll have to stop driving immediately. In fact, one in three people with dementia in its earlier stages still drive. But because dementia gets worse over time, there will come a point at which someone can no longer be on the road, for their own or other people’s safety.

This progressive element is why anyone diagnosed with dementia must tell DVLA (or DVA in Northern Ireland) straightway, as well as their car insurance company. (‘Must’ as in that’s the law.)

The decision as to whether someone with dementia can still hold a driving licence is formally made by DVLA. In practice, though, they rely heavily on information from the person’s GP or consultant. This is why when you tell DVLA about your diagnosis they will – with your agreement – often contact your doctor for a more detailed report.

Source:tinyurl.com/dtcxnae9

Bassetlover · 26/04/2021 21:02

Of course report them! If they kill someone you'll never forgive yourself.

McSleepy · 26/04/2021 21:10

I have a family member with dementia. They have to obtain a letter every year from their GP certifying them fit for driving so there are checks, albeit not an annual driving test. I would have no hesitation in reporting someone I thought unfit for driving and/ or speaking to the person to express my worry about their continued driving.

dotdashdashdash · 26/04/2021 22:01

Just to add that if you truly believe they shouldn't be driving, have informed the DVLA and find they are still driving, you can and should call the police who will intervene (usually hide the keys).

Justilou1 · 26/04/2021 22:18

You are doing the right thing. I had to do this with my mum. She had a brain tumour and could barely lift or turn her head, was almost blind and had so many unexplained scratches and significant dings in her car. I hid her keys and she called the manufacturer and had another set made.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 26/04/2021 22:22

You can report but sadly little will be done. A friend has reported her father for dangerous driving etc due to dementia to the police and DVLA on several occasions and nothing has been done.

FrozenVag · 26/04/2021 22:51

@Pasqual

I had to do this for very similar reasons

There is a form in the dvla especially for grassing up

However I reported a year ago and nothing has been done !

1stmonkey · 26/04/2021 23:38

When my father was diagnosed, he (and my mum) were told he should no longer be driving. And told very clearly. I had assumed that was normal practice.
If that isn't the case i would have a conversation with them, rather than report straight away. Explaining that their insurance is likely no longer valid may be enough.

CervixHaver · 27/04/2021 01:53

Absolutely! Report! Problem is, reporting to dvla may not actually stop them. If they're likely to forget that they've had their licence revoked. They do need their ability to get in and start the vehicle - removed. One way or another!

Mandalay246 · 27/04/2021 02:18

Yes report them, anything could happen. I heard of a woman who left a meeting in her home town and instead of going home kept on driving to the nearest city. She was found by cyclists the next day up in the hills, having spent the night in her car. Her family only knew she was in the city because a concerned staff member at a garage she went to felt something wasn't right and called the police, but even so they had no idea where she actually was.