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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour has built their wall half in our garden.

226 replies

Poppingmad123 · 25/04/2021 18:38

Thus the wall that is theirs is now a shared wall as its half on our house and half on theirs. Trouble is this now means if we want to make our driveway bigger, we have their wall in the way and can’t just build in our own grounds. Not sure if we can move their wall back to their side. Just don’t understand why they did this (other than greed for more space on their side) but they had plenty anyway.

I am so upset and angry about this. It doesn’t even match our other walls! It’s actually stressed me out so much that I can’t sleep and I’m thinking about this all the flipping time. I see it every time I step out my house so can’t just ignore it. I feel they have ruined the look of my house. I feel really resentful towards them now which I hate but just can’t help it! They never applied for a shared wall (party wall) or went through the process. They just acted as though they didn’t know what they were doing , didn’t seem to understand boundaries etc despite having professional builders. I can’t believe they wouldn’t have advised them. Also what kind of builders build walls not knowing where the boundary between houses is?

I just need some perspective as this is making me somewhat ill. Am I unreasonable for being so upset, is this normal that I’m letting it get to me this much or should I let it go? I know it’s just bricks and mortar but it’s my house! What would you do in my shoes?

By the way, we want to sell our house in the future so don’t want to be in dispute as that would put potential buyers off.

OP posts:
BRB2021 · 26/04/2021 04:16

I don’t really understand why you didn’t tell them to stop when it began going up

If the OP returns, they'll probably use the old "we don't have a backbone like conflict" line, as though the rest of us just love conflict Hmm

Your fault OP, say something when builders are traipsing all over your property, or say nothing and moan after. Strange choice you made

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/04/2021 04:16

I don’t get how a pic will out you

I don’t understand how they can build into your garden /driveway

And you didn’t query it ?

wheniwas17 · 26/04/2021 05:34

If they moved into your house would you just let them? How can you be this wet?!

SympathyFatigue · 26/04/2021 05:55

How did they build it without you knowing?
In the middle of the night?

How is it half in your garden?

GlassBoxSpectacular · 26/04/2021 06:47

@Housebuyingdilemma

May be I am being really thick but I would do this:
  1. Wait till they got on holidays or something.
  2. Take a sledgehammer to the part that on your land.
  3. When they get back and confront, you call police on them harassing you for demolishing your wall on your land.
As possible methods of remedying the issue go, that is a pretty stupid one.
Bluntness100 · 26/04/2021 07:00

It reads to me like it’s half a brick into the ops land, and her and her husband gave permission for it and saw it being built.

The whole things a bit odd. Breaking the ground, doing the footings, building the wall is not a quick activity, and the op fully admits they saw ans agreed. It looks like the op has just changed her mind and doesn’t like it,

YoBeaches · 26/04/2021 07:02

It could well be that the neighbour has done their homework and the physical boundary was less than the official
Boundary and so they have built up to that boundary. As you haven't discussed it with them you don't have any facts.

You don't know they have actually gone over your boundary as you don't have a documented view of your boundary.....

Go to the council and ask for boundary confirmation.

MiniCooperLover · 26/04/2021 07:13

Wow they saw you and your husband coming didn't they. I am genuinely shocked you just stood there and did nothing. I'm not a fan of confrontation but I'm also not a wet blanket. And a diagram won't out you, it's a picture on a piece of paper not an aerial photo 🙄

ContinuousMonotoneBeep · 26/04/2021 07:19

You would assume that it's half a brick - so build like a party wall.

But the way the OP is written and the "greed for more space on their side)" make it sound like there's a significant amount of ground taken.

Maybe it's a life-sized replica of the Wall of China?

Sanchez79 · 26/04/2021 07:45

If you're that rubbish at confrontation that you would knowingly let someone build on your land, I honestly think you would benefit from some kind of therapy or assertiveness training. That is not normal adult behaviour.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 26/04/2021 08:08

I think you're going to have to just suck it up OP. You actually seen them doing it and were to frightened to say anything so I don't think you're going to be able to cope if you start a dispute and they want to talk about it/maybe get angry!

GelfBride · 26/04/2021 08:09

I have not RTFT but get the Building Control Officer from the council. He can put a stop order on.

Roszie · 26/04/2021 08:29

I can't picture this at all, unless it's just a wall down a shared driveway?

rothbury · 26/04/2021 08:29

Sorry OP, but your update indicates you stood there and watched them do it!!

It would be very odd to complain about it now.

Sleepingdogs12 · 26/04/2021 08:35

Does this restrict you being able to walk on your land or path or park in front of your house or make your house darker inside ? If not and you are planning to move then i would just live with it, ask them to render it or paint it and then move as planned. It isn't right or fair what they did but if it is a decent job then try and get it in perspective. If you plan to stay or it causes an actual issue then challenge it legally or get the council involved.

Sleepingdogs12 · 26/04/2021 08:37

If I was them I would be a bit angry if you agreed, watched it happen and then complained when it was finished,I probably wouldn't rectify it without this being enforced. .

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2021 08:38

It isn't right or fair what they did but if it is a decent job then try and get it in perspective

Why’s it not right or fair? The op and her husband agreed to it, it’s half a brick it seems on to their land, and other than that half brick width they are permitted to put a wall up, it’s permitted development, so worst case it should have been half a brick further in, but that’s it, and the op agreed it should go down the middle exactly. It’s very easy for builders to get boundaries wrong when you start messing in an inch either way.

Fernie6491 · 26/04/2021 08:55

Maybe it's a life-sized replica of the Wall of China?

😂😂😂😂😂😂

fruitbrewhaha · 26/04/2021 09:03

I don't get it.

They started building and so you had a word and made sure it wasn't all built on your side, it is straddling the boundary. But you weren't sure what it would look like and you don't like it.

What about it don't you like?

They are allowed to build a wall on their own land, it can't look much different for being a couple of inches on to your side. Your neighbours aren't obliged to match your existing walls.

I think you need to accept it's staying. If it's bright orange bricks you could render your side to look less obtrusive, put a trellis up and grown something up it.

I don't understand why you are so angry and unable to sleep over it but cant just have a chat to them about it.

fruitbrewhaha · 26/04/2021 09:06

I'd also be pretty pissed off if my neighbour employed a surveyor and solicitor and started official proceedings in the manner being suggested without even knocking on the door about it, or doing anything when it was being built.

WhatMattersMost · 26/04/2021 09:11

This is on you in some significant ways, OP.

You aren't approaching them, didn't deal with it as it was happening, you have said you're bad with confrontation.

LillianGish · 26/04/2021 09:14

It's very hard to determine whether YABU when it's not entirely clear what they have done. You say you don't actually know where the boundary lies - so you are not even clear if they have gone over the boundary. You haven't specified how far over the imaginary boundary you believe they have built - are we talking 6 inches, a foot, several feet? Nor have you specified what effect this has had on you (other than that you don't like the look of the wall) - was your driveway extremely narrow to start with or is it a case of a few inches which makes little or no difference. This is why a diagram would be useful. Finally it sounds like you spoke to them at the time and gave tacit agreement to have it built where they were building it. Surely that was the moment to challenge them? No-one likes confrontation I agree, but surely confrontation at that stage would have been a million times easier (and cheaper) than waiting until they had finished building it?

deardia · 26/04/2021 09:49

Op diagram will not be outing! Please share as most of us have no idea how far in to your property it is

Blindstupid · 26/04/2021 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlackCatShadow · 26/04/2021 10:59

I have to admit I do want to know if it’s half on the OP’s land lengthwise or widthwise.

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