To expect to have a hobby by now?

[DifferentHair]

I've named changed because I want to be quite specific.

I have three children under 4. Last year I had zero childcare for 8 months, not a single f&@king day due to the pandemic and moving house. DH worked more than full time and I was stuck inside without a minute to myself. We had a long and severe lockdown where I live, for months we could only leave the house for one hour a day.

I ended up on antidepressants because i was just white knuckling my way through life.

One of my children has a disability, she is doing really well but it requires a lot of intervention and is time consuming at night.

That said my children are relatively well behaved and bring us a lot of joy. I enjoy being with them 90% of time.

My in laws have diagnosed personality disorders among other mental illnesses and they regularly show up at our house screaming and banging windows etc and we have to call the police. My husband can't cope with them so I manage all of that.

I am so burnt out. I really think a hobby would help me. I started drinking every night last year (just one or two glasses a day but still not great) not because I particularly like alcohol but it was Something. For. Me. That was it, that glass of wine was the one damn thing that was a nice thing, for me, that I could look forward to.

I've now stopped drinking because it terrified me how much i felt I needed that wine.

Sorry this is so meandering, I'll get to the point.

I want a hobby! But what can people do with small children around?

I can't read books, they go bonkers. At night I collapse into bed exhausted.

I love gardening but I find myself getting so frustrated and resentful of my children who want to 'help' and ruin everything I've worked on.

I love writing but again, no time.

What do other people do?!

I run- it's a short bit of child free time out of the house!
Park run would give you an hours walk at a set time every week. Company or on your own.

I hear you, hard to do something as a parent and don't really get time to yourself! (Putting aside the fact your inlaws come and scream and bang on your windows, that sounds beyond stressful ) Hobby wise I like colouring! Get yourself some colouring books and pens, strangely relaxing and focuses your mind from wandering. Cross stitch too but not done that for years

Also forgot to add if you're keeping your hands busy with colouring or cross stitch keeps you from reaching for the wine as much lol

Learn to crochet or knit! Once you get the basics you can make anything you like and the initial investment is small - yarn and hooks or needles. You can do it while watching tv on the couch and small projects don’t take much time so you get the satisfaction of completing something quickly.

Running is great too if you need a break from the house more than anything.

Knit?

Knitting's an idea, I'd be able to watch the children while I do it.

Would love to run but don't have enough childcare to make it a regular thing.

I think to a large extent, you find hobbies based on what you are interested in or what you want to learn to do, rather than just for the sake of a hobby. But if you’re open to anything and mainly just want a distraction, I would go for crochet. It’s great as all you need is a hook and yarn, so it’s cheap to get started and easy to tidy away. Start by learning squares and go from there. Lots of tutorials online.

I hear you ! I felt like this when my children were small.

For you I think - choose things you like to do - but are children friendly. Perhaps make bread - the oldest should be able to 'help' you measure things. And even the youngest can be given some dough to 'help'. You can each make rolls to put in the oven - comparing shapes etc. If this is successful then progress to other things - and different types of baking. My most successful one was pizza making - kept everyone amused, we enjoyed it and a meal was made - win.

Perhaps purchase a butterfly garden - it's for the kids but you can enjoy it too.

In the evenings when they are asleep have a soak in the bath before you get into bed. You can think about this all day - planning what products you're going to use, what music you can listen too.

It's true that the 'days are long but the years are short'. This time will pass and everyone will be older and easier in not many years.

Fun things you can do with DC is a good idea, if that makes you feel better. Just looking for bees and butterflies on bushes and plants is relaxing and fascinating if you watch them for a while.

Has your DH stopped working 'more than full time' now? Does he actually have to work the hours he does or is he hiding at work from family life?

Why does he get to 'not cope' with his parents and leave it all to you? He really should look after his children enough for you to be able to go for a walk/run or a coffee two or three times a week at the very least.

Where are you and have lockdown restrictions eased now?

I would advocate for making time to run, and your dh should step up and facilitate this. Running is time away from all other demands, it’s headspace for you, and it’s obviously good exercise too

I have upgraded everyday things so that I get pockets of joy for example I bought Neals yard shower gel so that my showers (though short) feel like a treat. I have beautiful Darlington drinking glasses so that every glass of squash/ juice feels a little more luxurious than the cheapo supermarket ones.

I appreciate this does not address the hobby bit, I am not a hobby person, but it may make you feel better in the drudge of daily life.

I also think crafts, I do knitting, crochet, felt-making and a little sewing, sometimes did weaving and have recently started needle felting. Once you start with one the learning new things is really exciting and some people get very skilled at one, others dabble in lots.

Felt-making (wet felting) is very simple and therapeutic in the actions. I taught my children this too and that made for a really good activity.

Knitting and crochet are both great as can pick up and put down.

A lap loom is good too, can be really creative (I was not good at this, found it hard to get neat, but a friend made really beautiful things).

The only downside is storing all the stuff!

Can you give the children there own part of garden? They can do there gardening while you enjoy doing yours. You can fence it off with those lawn border things. I find peas and beans are great for children to plant because they grow so quick. (Also lettuce and radishes) Strawberry plants are also brilliant and it's exciting picking your own. A couple of trays of cheap bedding plants for the children to plant. Bird boxes they can paint or bird feeders they can make and insect hotels for there mini gardens to add interest. Garden ornaments/windmills or fairy gardens to pretty up the area up.

Do you have a big enough garden that the children could have ‘their’ bit to work in whilst you do yours? I used to give mine a watering can and keg them water the grass if trees or whatever and we had ‘mummy’s’ plants which only grown ups could help with (

@DifferentHair

Knitting's an idea, I'd be able to watch the children while I do it.

Would love to run but don't have enough childcare to make it a regular thing.

Park runs as previous poster mentioned tend to be a Saturday at 9am. Once you build up you could even try back and after running there as well.

I hear you as I was in a similar position. DH used to work nights when DC were little...
What about watching some mini series o or documentaries? Most are 30-45 minutes long. Documentaries can be great if you need to focus your mind on something else. With all the internet, you can always follow up on things and do your own research.

Documentaries are an excellent idea, as they are usually suitable for all ages (if yousteerclear of war or things like the Borgias!) so you can watch with children. We watched so much Time Team, Coast, nature things. Make a cup of tea and watch gardeners world with the kids? Mine would play in front of things like that and watch a few bits too.

music? not as playing an instrument but finding the type of music that uplifts you and getting recordings/records/cds/podcasts/ streaming....

I am a fan of two very opposite genres - baroque music and dance music! I listen to radio programmes about these genres, buy/swap recordings and take part in internet discussion groups... my OH does the same with his favourite band (Abba) and he has also joined their fan club!

You can listen to music on your own, but also involve the kids.

also to you

My hobby is gardening. I love gardening. All things garden. I have two children. Yes they "help" but then get bored. You could give them their own bit? Or their own seeds? That's what I did when they were younger

I am bothered by the fact that you don't seem to even have an hour twice a week to run when you do have a DH

Even if he works loads well so do you?

Is there no time on a weekend or evening for you to go for a run? How much is your DH working right now?

I work now as well, I was on maternity leave last year. DH's workload has decreased but only to the extent that allows me to work, there's no childfree time left over for leisure.

Thanks so much for the suggestions and the reminder that the days are long but the years are short. Really valuable to put it in perspective. I've always really enjoyed my children but 2020 knocked the wind out of me. I would love to get back into the headspace that I was in before.

I love gardening and I really feel my mental health improving every time I do it. I take medication and see a psychologist but nothing helps like gardening and I am just getting so frustrated that I can't do it.

I have tried giving the children a patch, including then in what I'm doing but they're just too little. They stomp over the young plants I've lovingly raised from seeds, they pull them out, they throw rocks. All age appropriate behaviour but I feel myself getting disproportionately upset and resentful about it.

In laws are a whole other story, I only mention them to explain that I've had stressors beyond the pandemic.

I just want to scream.

Would using raised beds and tubs help protect against DC destroying plants?

You could probably get a handyperson to build the raised beds if you or DH can't do it yourselves.

Maybe get DC to all plant a sunflower each to see who's grows the tallest? Put their names on plant markers to give them ownership so hopefully they'll learn about nurturing the plants and wanting them to grow rather than get destroyed?

Oh I felt this way too OP, Husband works all day everyday (self employed) and this last year almost finished me off. For me, joining an online choir has really helped, as well as insisting that I must go out for quick walks alone here and there. On Facebook there is a singing mamas choir page and they have a website called singingmamaschoir.com. I hope you get lots of good suggestions here and find something enjoyable to save your sanity soon!

Where is your dh on the weekends? Do you work opposite hours?