To expect to have a hobby by now?

[DifferentHair]

I've named changed because I want to be quite specific.

I have three children under 4. Last year I had zero childcare for 8 months, not a single f&@king day due to the pandemic and moving house. DH worked more than full time and I was stuck inside without a minute to myself. We had a long and severe lockdown where I live, for months we could only leave the house for one hour a day.

I ended up on antidepressants because i was just white knuckling my way through life.

One of my children has a disability, she is doing really well but it requires a lot of intervention and is time consuming at night.

That said my children are relatively well behaved and bring us a lot of joy. I enjoy being with them 90% of time.

My in laws have diagnosed personality disorders among other mental illnesses and they regularly show up at our house screaming and banging windows etc and we have to call the police. My husband can't cope with them so I manage all of that.

I am so burnt out. I really think a hobby would help me. I started drinking every night last year (just one or two glasses a day but still not great) not because I particularly like alcohol but it was Something. For. Me. That was it, that glass of wine was the one damn thing that was a nice thing, for me, that I could look forward to.

I've now stopped drinking because it terrified me how much i felt I needed that wine.

Sorry this is so meandering, I'll get to the point.

I want a hobby! But what can people do with small children around?

I can't read books, they go bonkers. At night I collapse into bed exhausted.

I love gardening but I find myself getting so frustrated and resentful of my children who want to 'help' and ruin everything I've worked on.

I love writing but again, no time.

What do other people do?!

@Burn0ut music is a great idea, thanks :)

Not recommending this at all but I smoked. Outside, by myself, surrounded by peace and quiet, just for a few minutes.

Kids are teens now and I don't smoke any more...

I'm sorry, but your DH needs to step-up and take over in the evenings or for a few hours each day at the weekend so you can have some time out.

Get out for a walk OP with music in your ear.

What a load you are carrying.

Give the youngsters something to wreck or at least something neutral. My smallest one spent over half an hour throwing stones and grass into a half barrel of water while I dug the vege garden this morning- DH was annoyed but it meant she wasn't pulling the heads off anything or running away. Paddling pool or small enclosed trampoline in the garden might buy you another bit of time.

You can fence off planted sections with chicken wire and bamboo canes - stops small children and dogs tramping on or digging them up.

@LittleGungHo those are such good ideas thanks

If you’d love to take up running surely that doesn’t take too long? Cant your husband watch the kids for half an hour a couple of times a week while you go?

I bought a treadmill and put it in my garage so I can do a good run without actually leaving the house so it's a lot less time consuming. I also game on my Ps4. It's handy because it's quick and easy to set up and it's some proper escapism. If you like reading but you're too exhausted to focus on the words when you could try audio books.

I run; started with park run and more run 3-4 times a week, mostly 5km but sometimes 10km. I didn’t start until 3 dc were 7-10 years old and I finally felt like they were less dependent (I work full time but I guess you could start sooner once they are all in school if you don’t work/are part time). It’s really hard when dc are young to imagine them being independent but right now I’m about to sit in the garden and read/chill and I might see dc but they get their own drinks and crack on playing so they don’t actually need much from me. It’s a weird transition that I didn’t see coming but my goodness this age is more fun for me and I feel I have my own identity back.

Look up 5 minute mum. You can set up activities and leave them to it while you get time to yourself.... I swear by it!
I was the same like you OP apart from it was worse than booze, I found reading again and gardening and now I'm very happy.

I've been in a similar situation OP.

A couple of things help me. I like to cross stitch. I buy cross stitch kits and make things like christmas cushion covers. It definitely helps me to de-stress and focus on something that doesnt make me angry.

My new one is learning Spanish. My 7 year old got me into it when he got an app on my phone. Now I'm addicted and they have short lessons so easy to do something even with 15 minutes free.