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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling tired and uncomfertable

52 replies

Button87 · 25/04/2021 00:56

Hi so my mom moved in with me 2&half years ago after her and my father split .They were both living together for sometime but my dad got a gf and mom had to move out .with no where to go she asked if she could live with me i said yes as i didnt want to see my mom homeless i gave her my bedroom and have been sleeping downstairs since .i live in a 3 bed house im a dingle mom and have a daughter 12 and son 9 who each have there own rooms my son is autistic and needs his own space ,i brought a sofa bed to sleep
On but eventually it broke from constantly being pulled out and put away ,from then on ive been sleeping on the sofa but im really starting to struggle with my back and neck ,if there are any more suggestions on what i can do id really aporeciate it .

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/04/2021 01:01

Do you mean apart from the obvious ones?

EvilOnion · 25/04/2021 01:01

Is there any chance of your Mum moving out?

If you're in the UK out might be worth her going to the council if she hasn't already as your home is overcrowded.

If she is staying i'd get 2 singles and share the bedroom. Sofa beds aren't great long term unless you pay £££'s!

Either way you can't go on as you are.

BlueDahlia69 · 25/04/2021 01:07

You need to tell your Mum thus temporary solution needs is no longer working. How long exactly does she expect you to give up your bedroom for ? Confused

She needs her own place.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 25/04/2021 01:08

Your mom is ok with her daughter sleeping in the sette so she can have her daughters bedroom in ber daughters house....? Really? Well the answer of she needs to move out or take the sofa but you wouldn't be asking if you were going to do that so is there a way to convert the loft or a dining room into a bedroom? Your mom is paying you isn't she, can you use the money to buy another sofa bed?

Original poster
Button87 · 25/04/2021 01:12

I think its indefinetly she likes it here which is nice but i do really miss having my own room and especially a bed at night ,i have mentioned before she getting her own place on the council but she says she really doesnt want to live on her own .its a very difficult situation to be in .

OP posts:
Original poster
Button87 · 25/04/2021 01:14

No i dont take any money off my mom shes got a disability so isnt working so the little money she gets she will help out with food .

OP posts:
BlueDahlia69 · 25/04/2021 01:18

@Button87

No i dont take any money off my mom shes got a disability so isnt working so the little money she gets she will help out with food .

okay....

You need to get onto the Council as you need a larger property OP.

You cannot live like this.

SympathyFatigue · 25/04/2021 01:24

Well what fun for you.
How old is she?
You did a nice thing but she's not being a good parent if she's taking your bedroom while you sleep on a floor.

It's up to you though.
We can't boot her out of the room.
She's comfortable. She's not going to move.

I can't imagine a situation where my parents would have slept on the sofa while I took their bed.🤣
Does she care that you're in pain.

Original poster
Button87 · 25/04/2021 01:31

I really wish mom would have stood her ground and told my father to move in with his gf instead of leaving the house she brought her kids up in ,shes 58 i think she does care shecwill try and offer solutions like asking me to share the bed with her but im 34 and dont really want to be sharing my moms bed she keeps saying she will buy me a matress so i can sleep on the floor but tbh im not sure sleeping on a matress on the floor would be any more comfertable .

OP posts:
WanderleyWagon · 25/04/2021 02:00

When you say that she's suggested you share the bed, do you mean that she's in a bigger than single bed? If so, I'd agree with the previous poster who suggested you put two single beds in your bedroom, and she have one and you have the other. Having to change from a queen bed, or whatever she has, to a single bed might help her understand how unfair she is being.

You absolutely need a proper bed to sleep in for your own health. It's not acceptable that she lets you sleep on the sofa while she sleeps in your bed, for the rest of time.

But I'd also agree with previous posters that she's being unkind and selfish and you shouldn't have to share a room with her at all. I would explore council accommodation nearby (sheltered, maybe, if she feels she needs extra support) where you can visit her plenty and she can visit you, but you have your own place back. Yes, it might mean you have to make her leave, which I imagine will feel awful, but your own health and wellbeing are important too! If she won't look after you, then you have to look after yourself.

BlueDahlia69 · 25/04/2021 02:02

@Button87

I really wish mom would have stood her ground and told my father to move in with his gf instead of leaving the house she brought her kids up in ,shes 58 i think she does care shecwill try and offer solutions like asking me to share the bed with her but im 34 and dont really want to be sharing my moms bed she keeps saying she will buy me a matress so i can sleep on the floor but tbh im not sure sleeping on a matress on the floor would be any more comfertable .

no offence OP but 58 is still young. You need to grow a pair, your Mum was soft enough to let your Dad kick her out of her home, she has in turn now kicked you out of your own home. She's never gonna move her arse out of your bedroom, why would she, she knows you won't ask her too. She doesn't care that you are suffering.

The only person who can fix this is you. 🌸

GreenSlide · 25/04/2021 02:20

Tell her she's on the sofa and get back into your own bed. See if she's still as keen to live in your house after a week of that.

SympathyFatigue · 25/04/2021 02:33

I thought she was going to be ancient.
You've got another 6 years until child 1 is 18 and another potentially 30 years of mummy camping at your house, or rather her in your room and you camping on a sofa or floor bed.
What a life.
Take back control.
You're not responsible for your mother's life. She's taking the piss.

Iris27 · 25/04/2021 06:03

She suggested getting you a mattress for the floor!!!! Wtf!!! This is beyond cheeky.

Yellowhighheels · 25/04/2021 07:08

I get it must be hard but 58 is absolutely no age and it's not really your problem that she's not used to living alone. I would be on to the council to try and find her a flat or a bigger house if you want to stay together.

I'm not sure whether you've a view to potentially meeting a partner in future but do you really want to share a twin room with your mum? Don't get a mattress. 2.5 years is long enough to sort the situation out permanently.

You've done a very, very kind thing but you won't thank yourself if you damage your back or neck for good by sleeping uncomfortably.

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 25/04/2021 13:35

I thought you were going to say she was 80...so young to feel the right to make you forfeit your comfort for hers. I would never do that to my adult child and I also have a life limiting illness.

Dontbeme · 25/04/2021 14:05

Do you expect to never have another romantic relationship OP? Or does your mum expect you, her and any romantic partner of yours to all snuggle up together like hamsters in one bed? Can she not see how selfish she is being or does you not give a single fuck that she has put her own daughter out of her own bed in her own home? She will expect you to care for her as she ages you do realise that don't you, all while you get back problems by sleeping on a sofa. Time to sit her down and tell her this is no longer working, you are having your bedroom back, she goes on the sofa or moves out, she doesn't like living alone well you don't like sleeping on the sofa or the floor of your own home. She is not an elderly woman you will have decades of this ahead of you.

BlueDahlia69 · 25/04/2021 14:09

@Dontbeme

Do you expect to never have another romantic relationship OP? Or does your mum expect you, her and any romantic partner of yours to all snuggle up together like hamsters in one bed? Can she not see how selfish she is being or does you not give a single fuck that she has put her own daughter out of her own bed in her own home? She will expect you to care for her as she ages you do realise that don't you, all while you get back problems by sleeping on a sofa. Time to sit her down and tell her this is no longer working, you are having your bedroom back, she goes on the sofa or moves out, she doesn't like living alone well you don't like sleeping on the sofa or the floor of your own home. She is not an elderly woman you will have decades of this ahead of you.

yip ... you have to do this OP 🌸

Sparklesocks · 25/04/2021 14:11

I think you need to have a firm conversation with her about finding her own place. It’s difficult I know but you can’t just accept sleeping on the sofa for an indefinite period. And as others have said, what if you get into a relationship or even just want a friend to stay for a night or two? She either needs her own place or you need a bigger one, but this particular set up isn’t a long term solution.

Exhausted4ever · 25/04/2021 14:25

Yeah you need to grow a back bone and tell your mother it's time to leave

SunIsComing · 25/04/2021 15:22

Your mum is taking the pis. Your dad needs to sell the house and your mum needs to move out.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 25/04/2021 15:26

What is your Mums disability? Is she entitled to PIP at the rate she requires a carer? Is your DS entitled to DLA and carers

nitsandwormsdodger · 25/04/2021 15:32

I assume she did not own the martial home ?
Are you entitled to careers allowance at least put name down for council flat

username12345T · 25/04/2021 15:36

OP you can:

  1. Carry on as you are. Buy a more comfortable sofa bed.
  2. Ask your mum to move out and find her own place. If she doesn't like living on her own then tell her to find a houseshare.
  3. Move to a house with more bedrooms, so you both have your own bedroom.
BlueDahlia69 · 25/04/2021 15:39

I hope OP comes back.. its sounds a very difficult situation but I hope OP knows there is good support and advice on here 🌸