Feeling tired and uncomfertable

[Button87]

Hi so my mom moved in with me 2&half years ago after her and my father split .They were both living together for sometime but my dad got a gf and mom had to move out .with no where to go she asked if she could live with me i said yes as i didnt want to see my mom homeless i gave her my bedroom and have been sleeping downstairs since .i live in a 3 bed house im a dingle mom and have a daughter 12 and son 9 who each have there own rooms my son is autistic and needs his own space ,i brought a sofa bed to sleep
On but eventually it broke from constantly being pulled out and put away ,from then on ive been sleeping on the sofa but im really starting to struggle with my back and neck ,if there are any more suggestions on what i can do id really aporeciate it .

Did your mum have no rights to the family home? Is she married to your dad or was she on the house deeds? If so she should kick off a divorce and claim her share of assets (+ pensions etc if she is married).

For now I think you should put two beds in your room and both sleep there, you can’t keep sleeping on the sofa.

I am in a relationship myself we got together after mom moved in he has his own place so i can sleep at his monday to thursday he has his kids fridays to monday morning ,i get dla and carers for my son and i really dont want to share a room with either of my kids its not fair on them as ive said my sons autistic and needs his own space and it would be fair for my son and daughter to share a room either ,mom has fibromialgia and has terrible all over body pain she did apply for pip a few years back but wasnt sucsesful and she doesnt want the stress of re applying again ,im already in a three bed house and i dont know of any 4 beds where i live either moms suggested getting me a bed in her room today im just not sure as what to do i feel ao sorry for my mom shes been through so much going through a divorce having to give up her home of over 30 years watching my father be with another woman and my younger brother being diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour i just cant see a way out of it .

Moms and dads home is a council one dad said she wouldnt be able to afford it on her own so he should have it his gf lives quite a way off so comes down every week for a few days while she has her own home until there married apperently ,mom and dad are divorced only a couple of years back my dad lives in the same street and hes always coming round ours which makes it even more difficult its like he still treats my mom live his wife expects her to take him shopping cook him a sunday dinner or takes him places he needs to go shes still in love with him and has told him but he said hes in love with his gf now so basically its like hes having his cake and eat it has mom still like a wife doing the domestic stuff whilst his gf comes round a couple of nights a week and he waits on her hand and foot im really starting to dispise my father over this between him and his gf they both have a 3 bed house each meanwhile im sleeping on the sofa but were still looking after him .

Evict her from your bedroom. Tell her it's her turn on the sofa and you need your room back. Take anything hers out the room and put in boxes/bags. She'll find somewhere of her own soon enough.

Can't believe someone would evict their child from their bedroom in their own house, she's bang out of order.

your Mums rent would have been paid by housing benefits. Your Dad lied.

Does your DM have her own universal credit claim ?
What income does she live on ?
Yes she needs to claim PIP too
Was there a financial settlement from her divorce?

Oh god if this is all real then it's a bloody nightmare. Sort it out op, it's really not as hard as you're making out.

No finacial settlement just split there belonging well dad had most of it but mom had some garden ormaments and furniture from the house ive been trying to tell her to claim pip she gets some income support as shes still employed atm shes not working but they are working on offering her some sort of redundancy ,its easy for ppl to say its not that hard shes my mom shes looked after me my whole life who wouldnt take there mother in when they were homeless .

Well in that case OP...

you need to accept this is your life now.

Say to MUM, it's her turn for a stint of sleeping on the sofa.

Tell her to move back in with Dad ; and THEN they can sort out money and she can find a little flat.

Can you not move to a 4 bed?

It depends how much you want your mum there if she looks after your children whilst you’re at work and gives you a break and helps around the house then it might be nice for her to stay but if she is getting under your feet then it might be time to ask her to move out.

She's effectively homeless OP. It sounds like she needs an advocate as she seems overwhelmed. She needs help finding somewhere to live and to organise her benefits. Also sounds like she was ripped off in the divorce and is still running around after your dad like a chump.

Contact your local citizens advice or the money advice service or Disability Rights UK. You can also contact Shelter and your local council regarding her housing.

Get a new and more comfortable sofa bed for the time being and have a conversation with her about her future, I imagine this was on a temporary basis and it's been a few years now.

I'm not saying kick her onto the street, I'm saying firm up and make steps towards her living on her own. She might not want to, that doesn't mean she can't. From everything you've written it's perfectly reasonable for her to live independently if she frames herself.

My sister and her DH slept on a sofa bed for years - you can get ones meant for daily use ie strong metal spring frames. It looked like lovely sofa during day. Obviously it cost a lot more than those for occasional use. You need your room back in your own house - mum can sleep on good quality sofa bed regardless of her health issues. She is only 58 for goodness sake. I'm not far behind her. She needs to step up and take responsibility for herself. Applying for PIP may be stressful but what about the stress she is causing you? Has she always had a poor me personality or am I being unkind?

I second 2bazookas - get your Mum to move back into the marital home. If your Dad's GF is only there occasionally, and your Mum is still being daft enough to do things like cooking etc for your Dad, then she might as well be living with him, and tell him that if he loves his GF then he should go and move in with her, or spend the odd days that she does travel to see him in a hotel, instead of pushing your Mum out to impose herself upon you. I don't want to sound nasty, as you obviously think the world of your Mum, and no way would I have ever seen my Mum without a roof over her head, but at 58, healthy or not, she does sound a bit pathetic. I think you need to encourage her to get on with her life, and tell her that you want your home back. I'm 61, and severely disabled, but there is no way I would expect my daughter to give up her bed for me, even for a weekend, much less 2 1/2 years.

I don't believe OP will say or do anything. She will let her Mother take over her home permanently.

You go to the council and tell them your mum is homeless and your overcrowded (I'm assuming your jn a council house too)

moms suggested getting me a bed in her room

I'm sorry but who's room? She means your room because she is obviously waiting for your dad to take her back and all be rosy in the garden again. That is why she doesn't want her own home, it makes the end of her marriage real and permanent. As long as she is kipping in your bed there is still hope she will end up back at your father's. And if she messes up your life in the meantime we'll it's only you, she raised you and you owe her, right?

Just think OP would you do this to your kids, evict them from their own bed, in their own home and then hold all those things they did for you growing up over their heads? Do you think your kids owe you for you deciding to have children and then raising them, will you expect to be repaid for being a mother? Both your parents seem selfish and manipulating imo.

@Button87

Moms and dads home is a council one dad said she wouldnt be able to afford it on her own so he should have it his gf lives quite a way off so comes down every week for a few days while she has her own home until there married apperently ,mom and dad are divorced only a couple of years back my dad lives in the same street and hes always coming round ours which makes it even more difficult its like he still treats my mom live his wife expects her to take him shopping cook him a sunday dinner or takes him places he needs to go shes still in love with him and has told him but he said hes in love with his gf now so basically its like hes having his cake and eat it has mom still like a wife doing the domestic stuff whilst his gf comes round a couple of nights a week and he waits on her hand and foot im really starting to dispise my father over this between him and his gf they both have a 3 bed house each meanwhile im sleeping on the sofa but were still looking after him .

Why do you let your dad in the house? You’re right, you’re sleeping on the sofa and he’s happy with that, as well as expecting your mum to look after him. You could choose not to let him in.

Does she look after your kids on the mon-thurs you have a sleepover at your partners house or do they go with you?
Have I read that right, you stay there half the week?

@SympathyFatigue

Does she look after your kids on the mon-thurs you have a sleepover at your partners house or do they go with you? Have I read that right, you stay there half the week?

I think OP indicated that she 'could' but doesn't stay at the BF's.

I think it's a very fraught situation, and OP's Mother is Ripping the utter Piss out of her daughter and grandkids, but nobody will speak out.

I agree the mum is being pretty selfish here.
Dad sounds like a real piece of work as well.
A very odd family dynamic all round.
Agree with the poster who said it sounds like she doesn't want to live alone as it would signal the end of the marriage and perhaps she's holding on to the hope it'll somehow work out.

Could you put 2 single beds in your bedroom.

@Overtherainbow12

Could you put 2 single beds in your bedroom.

imagine being reduced to this 🙄