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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me I am not unreasonable!

34 replies

wuwubaba · 23/04/2021 17:55

Scheduled to use public transport to pick my daughter up after an early start. After battling through school hours traffic and long delays and switches, i managed to get on the last connecting bus, only to find that she has already walked to her grandma's, which is 5 minutes walk away.

Now i told her specifically not to go as I always think is rude to just pick her up and go. I normally stay but I knew today it was gonna be a long and busy day for me so I told my her to just stay at the school and wait for me. That way I can just pick her up and go straight home.

To add salt to the wound, I only found out about this while I was on my way there. Nobody bother to let me know. I was frantically texting and whatsapping both her and my husband. Once I was told I was so upset I just get off the bus and took another bus straight home, instead of picking her up. I told her she can wait for her dad to pick her up after he finish work tonight. I just do not want to do it. I have no idea why I was so upset, but multiple factors such as hormonal (menstruating 😂), almost tripped myself running to catch the connecting trains while tapping my foot, anxiously praying all the way that I will made the journey + the lady behind me in the bus told me I should move as there should be a gap between seats contribute to these negative emotions and decision.

Do you guys think I am too precious/unreasonable/dramatic?

OP posts:
Ursulabea · 23/04/2021 17:59

How long would she have been waiting for you and how old is she?

Gazelda · 23/04/2021 18:01

Are you asking if YWBU to go home instead of meeting her, meaning that she'll have to wait for her Dad to pick her up?

If so, then I guess YWNBU.

But it does sound a bit over-dramatic to do so simply because you didn't want to make small talk with the gran. How old is DD? Maybe she'd prefer to visit gran and get a lift home with Dad? I'm. It saying she wouldn't want to spend time with you, but perhaps she'd prefer that option rather than hang around at school and then do the public transport trip with you.

BlackRibboner · 23/04/2021 18:02

How long did she have to wait at school for? I can't really blame her for preferring to wait at her nan's - and in her shoes would have hated feeling caught in the middle if you didn't want her to go because you don't want to see your mum/mother in law. I understand why you wanted to pick up from school, but in Nan's/daughter's situation I'd probably feel you were making a mountain out of a molehill.

emilyfrost · 23/04/2021 18:04

Of course YABU and mean. Why would you throw a strop and not pick her up just because she walked to her grans only 5 minutes away?

What exactly is the issue here?

namechange202086 · 23/04/2021 18:06

It all sounds very dramatic but maybe there's a back story.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2021 18:08

Fair enough she shouldn't have gone, but that was one massive childish strop.

You could've said to her gran, 'So sorry but I can't stop this time' and then told your DD off on the way home.

Job done.

RealisticSketch · 23/04/2021 18:09

From your pov you've had an epic time with lots of hassle on top of your normal day bmaking the agreed collection plan.
From her pov she probably has no perspective on that and was a 5 minute for journey from a nice comfy wait with a lovely cuppa or something. So I don't think either of you are bu.
I don't see why the gran would consider it rude for you to collect and go if you have a normal easy relationship and she understands your transport situation etc. So maybe there is family friction there which your daughter doesn't understand the politics of.
I think chalk it up to a crap day and award yourself a nice bath or something you like it you can to compensate.

Silverfly · 23/04/2021 18:10

YANBU to expect your DD to follow your instructions. But you do seem to be being rather dramatic about it.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 23/04/2021 18:12

YABVU.

She was a five minute walk away and you behaved like a petulant child.

DDiva · 23/04/2021 18:13

If you asked her to wait YANBU to expect her to wait.

But this seems a massive drama. Could she not meet you half way?

Otherwise foinf to nans and dad picking up later sounds a great solution as long as it suits Nan too.....

Take a breath and try to make your life easier......

Seeline · 23/04/2021 18:15

Much depends on the age of your DD, but yes way too dramatic.

EsmeeMerlin · 23/04/2021 18:17

Waiting for the backstory because otherwise yes you sound dramatic. She was 5 minutes away from the school and while yes she should have waited as asked, it sounds a little silly to just go back home then walk the extra 5 minutes to pick up your child.

apooagnuandyou · 23/04/2021 18:17

How old is your daughter?

So she can walk 5 minutes to her grand-mother instead of waiting alone at school, but can't walk home?

Ughmaybenot · 23/04/2021 18:18

Way too much drama. There’s no harm (once in a while) not stopping for a cup of tea and a chat at your mums/MILs, and I can see why it appealed more for your daughter to go and wait at her Nana’s rather than just loitering around at school.

Incywincyspinsters · 23/04/2021 18:22

You are being really unreasonable. And it’s shit like this that will have your daughter posting on a forum like this in the future saying “am I unreasonable to not see my mum anymore, as she’s stroppy and emotionally manipulative?”

IliveonCoffee · 23/04/2021 18:24

How often does she go round Grandma's? If its normally a regular occurrence, and you stay round for coffee, then it wouldn't be particularly rude to pick her straight up. "So sorry, can't stop today, will definitely catch up Monday/Wednesday/whatever normal day it is"

I can see why you'd see it rude, if DD doesn't often go round regularly, then picking up and going might make Grandma feel a bit used.

But if anything its unfair to put Grandma out for even longer.

Best option might have been to give Grandma a call, and confirm DD was okay to stay, explain you had things to do straight after, so if Grandma is happy with the company, you'll leave her. Thereby making it up to Grandma if she's up for entertaining, or would rather be left in peace, but not obligating you to sit for coffee

CustardySergeant · 23/04/2021 18:25

Why on earth couldn't you have collected her from her grandmother and explained that you were having a very busy day and couldn't stay? As long as you are pleasant no one would have a problem with that, surely.

LadyJaye · 23/04/2021 18:27

I'm just here for the backstory that the kid's 15.

CustardySergeant · 23/04/2021 18:27

Should have added to my last post a reply to your question "Do you guys think I am too precious/unreasonable/dramatic?", YES! All three. Ridiculous, petulant and totally unnecessary behaviour too.

quizqueen · 23/04/2021 18:36

Why is dad the one who gets to use the car, if that is how she will be picked up?

Beetlewing · 23/04/2021 18:36

Sounds like you had a shitty day. How old is DD?

HowWeAre · 23/04/2021 18:47

Depends how old she is and how long she was waiting

MaMaD1990 · 23/04/2021 18:52

Her age really does depend. If I'm reading the post right, it's not the 5 minute walk away that's bothering you, it's the faffing around and feeling like you'd have to stay at her grandparents for a polite period of time after a busy and stressful day. If she's a teenager and had been told to stay at the school YANBU, but if she's younger YABU.

Original poster
wuwubaba · 23/04/2021 18:59

Thanks for the reply.

There is no issue with my MIL ( I think she is the best MIL 😀). My house is another 20 minutes cab ride away. The school is 5 minutes walk away from my MIL.

The issue here is that I simply want to go straight home after picking her up. She is 13 btw. She goes to her grandma at least twice a week. If I had to pick her up at my MIL i always stay for an extra 30 minutes for a chat. I cannot just wave and go. She is not a childminder service 🤣

I had an early start and monitoring at work today. I knew I will be busy and tired so I told my daughter to simply wait for me at school. There is a lovely garden and benches around for kids to sit and wait for their parents. I can understand why she choose to go to her grandma but I was really upset at the lack of communication and respect they shown me by ignoring my instruction.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 23/04/2021 19:04

Is there any particular reason she can't go home on her own at 13? Given that she's able to leave the school premises and get safely to gran's.