To give up on my DS becoming “a reader”?

[workwoes123]

DS is 14. He has always been a reluctant albeit good reader. He taught himself to read in English, is fully bilingual (we live in France) and doing okay at school.

I grew up in a “reading” house: books everywhere, mum always had a book in her hand, DSis and I both encouraged to be bookworms. I assumed DS would be the same... and he’s not at all. He did read under duress until he was 12/13 and since then he just won’t. He’ll read comics / BD, he’ll read some non fiction though he’s far more likely to Google anything he wants to learn about. In his spare time he games, chats to friends, does homework, sports, meets up with friends etc. He might read in bed for 5 minutes (Blackadder scripts atm :-)) but that’s about it. He just doesn’t want to and I’m fed up making him.

In his room there is a book shelf filled with reading options that we’ve bought / been given / hand me downs. Some of them DS even chose (book vouchers from grandparents) but he’s never read them. They cover the whole range - loads of popular authors, old books that DHused to read them, loads of non fiction. Frankly I’m sick of dusting it, the books just sit there from week to month, taking up space and representing my failure to produce a “reader” . WIBU to pass most / all of them on? How many years would you hang onto unread books in the hope that they’ll be read? Do your children still have a bookshelf in their rooms even if they rarely read?

YABU. Keep the books - it’s important that yr DS has the option if he suddenly changes his mind

YANBU Lose the books and let yr DS pursue his own hobbies, his choice.

If the books are in his room, they're his, and you would be out of order to get rid of them. It's a different matter if he wishes to get rid of them.

Try audio books - help with the English vocab at any rate - they're popular with my reluctant reader and my others even the book worm.

I'd at best cull the bookcase with him -get rid of anything he thinks is to young or very unlikey to read and leave the rest and try grapic novels/comics more.

There's nothing like secondary school to kill a love of reading. After long days studying and homework, most kids don't want to read. His pleasure in it may come back when he finishes studying.

Definintely don't feel like a failure. He can have a successful happy life without being "a reader". Some people simply don't care to read, and that's not a problem.

Even people who do like reading don't all read in the same way. I enjoy reading, but I'm not a speed-reader, and I have many other time-consuming interests (and time-wasters like MN!), so it takes me a while to work my way through a book.

You've done well by giving him all those opportunities, but I wouldn't push it. As long as he reads when it's required for his education, I'd be satisfied. Recreationally, he should do as he likes.

Have you tried biographies and autobiographies?

My sister was a straight A student, but has never been much of a reader, so you can do fine without reading bring your 'thing'

*being, not 'bring' !

I agree that audiobooks may help him keep up his English vocabulary.

If you tend to speak French even at home, maybe you could make a house rule that the family will only speak English at home on certain days/evenings, to keep him in the habit. Of course, the vocabulary you'll use at home won't be the same as what he'd absorb from books, which is why audiobooks might be a better choice.

I was a reader and I’m gutted that DD8 isn’t interested. I’ve gone through every suggestion ever mentioned - the library ( she does the colouring they leave out ), magazine subscriptions, endless books, annuals, but she does the absolute minimum reading. Ultimately I was not raised in the time of TV on demand and internet etc so who knows what I’d be like if I was her age now. She’s exposed to far more culture than I was at her age - cinema, theatre, dance performances, museums and art galleries. She’s seen Andy Warhol paintings in SF and done a walking tour of street art in Berlin. She’s dressed up in costumes at the ROH, she’s eaten Bao buns and Japanese ice cream. She has experiences that I never had.... and maybe she will find reading when she’s older.

I'm a big reader, OH reads quite a lot too. DD has no interest. She's able, reads well,good comprehension and progress just no interest whatsoever. She reads school books because she has to.

I have to actively stop myself from nagging and forcing her and make my peace with it.

After all, reading for pleasure is a hobby and I wouldn't force her to do a hobby just because I do, so why do it with reading?

Dd - non reader until age 17, now she reads popular science and psychology non fiction quite often, in the garden sometimes. (NB she was diagnosed with a visual perceptual problem that makes reading hard work - have you considered an opthalmology assessment (often the step before a dyslexia assessment - it just made dd realise she wasn't a bad reader, it was just difficult for her ).
Dd2 - always a reader, but ironically got massively into Harry Potter the week after I gave the expensive Harry Potter gift set to the charity shop presuming after 8 years no one was going to read it (I tried to buy it back) so maybe you should give the books away

Pass on the books for now, but he may well change a lot over the next few years. I don’t think DH ever read a book (except under duress for school) until he went to university, but then started reading for pleasure and now he reads loads and our house is drowning in his books.

Patience.

I've found that every new generation coming to a book needs to be a couple years older than the previous one in order to understand it easily. So my kids have got into reading, but most of the books I enjoyed, they've been 2-4 years older than I was. Similarly I was put off lots of 'childrens classics' as a child, like Nesbit, Ransome, Little House on the Prairie, but got into them in my mid/late teens.

Keep a few books in the car and in bags for going places - my daughter isn't so into reading but given a boring wait and nothing else to do, she'll get into a book and then enjoy it enough to finish.

Also talk to him about books and things you've read - DP is.severely dyslexic so doesn't read much, but likes to hear about what I've been reading, seeing as he'll never read 99% of it. He does the same with podcasts.

My youngest wasn’t a big reader (I am - also grew up in the country side with not a else lot to do when it’s raining). We got him reading by accident. 2 weeks in Italy with no internet access. He started reading my Terry Pratchit books and became slightly obsessed with them. Still can’t get him into Sci Fi though.

Should probably say that if our internet was always on my kids would never read, and they tell me that they are big readers compared to their friends. So having internet restrictions is a good thing.

It's just not for everyone. I was an avid reader as a child (I still enjoy it now but have less time). My eldest insists he hates reading. The only books I recall him reading voluntarily were Boy by Roald Dahl, Ratburger by David Walliams and This is not a sex book.

Yet he is obsessively interested in world politics/political history and knows an astonishing amount about it. It's all from reading/research on the Internet but, amusingly, he insists that "doesn't count" as reading.

Frankly I’m sick of dusting it, the books just sit there from week to month, taking up space and representing my failure to produce a “reader”

One of the most ridiculous things I've read here. Do you view this as a status thing? So what if he isn't a reader ? Do you view him as a failure if he isn't?
I can't quite work out why you are so fixated on him being a type?