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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On my period ..

50 replies

BlessedDD · 22/04/2021 22:53

So happy to be told AIBU and being a bit OTT

Scenario 1
DH needs to have a conversation with a business associate of mine. This business associate is giving him some free advice. Said business associate has sent some info to help DH - said business associate isn’t just doing this off their own back they could also benefit if DH takes on a project. However business associate cc’d me in on an email saying to DH let me know when you can speak can do evenings/weekend. DH said ‘I’ve got a few calls tomorrow otherwise fairly free’ so I said to DH you should respond by giving times you can do rather than call me whenever cos then you and business associate can plan your time DH said it doesn’t matter - but I said it’s a poor use of both your times - it’ll make life easier for you to book a call & business associate doesn’t have to keep trying you etc

Second scenario DH brother works a lot of weekends and shift work etc really stressful job. DH has said to DBIL let us know what weekend you can do in June for a meet up. On our family whatsapp. I said to DH but we can’t do all June weekends. DBIL said he’ll see what he can do in June. I said to DH why don’t you say what dates we can/can’t do cos DBIL could make arrangements (move shifts) for a weekend and assume we can do them all - then we can’t.

DH said I keep blowing things up and I said well no I just try to do things properly so who is being unreasonable - I just don’t like messing people around.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/04/2021 22:59

Sorry but WTF does the thread title have to do with this? Confused

But anyway YABU to keep trying to micromanage him, although I personally would do things your way.

grapewine · 22/04/2021 23:01

Most random thread title ever. What were you expecting from that?

idontlikealdi · 22/04/2021 23:01

What are you talking about?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/04/2021 23:02

Scenario 1 I would do your way, scenario 2 I would have done his way.

Let him deal with it the way he wants to.

Original poster
BlessedDD · 22/04/2021 23:05

Sorry I’m on my period so I’m happy to be told IABU.

Scenario 2 I just feel with DBIL has so much on his plate that rather than him checking every June weekend then saying I’ve moved things round for x weekend to be told actually we can’t do it. It would mean swapping shifts etc it’s best to say what we can actually do

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/04/2021 23:05

Stop treating your husband like an employee or a child.

Stop trying to blame hormones for being unreasonable, snippy and critical.

Get a hobby.

serin · 22/04/2021 23:06

Eh?

ThatOtherPoster · 22/04/2021 23:06

I agree with you, but I don’t think I’d be telling my DH how to adult.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/04/2021 23:06

Omg, stop mentioning your period. A lot of us have them. It’s no excuse at all for being a grumpy cow. Some women don’t help themselves.

Original poster
BlessedDD · 22/04/2021 23:08

I feel like DH has needed me to help him adult! If that’s the right word.

I am stressed with work and really trying to help DH with this project too.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/04/2021 23:09

I really do wish women could move away from blaming periods for their behaviour, it's frankly embarrassing.

Women have managed to become world leaders amongst other massively high powered jobs and this sort of thing does us no favours.

Yes, we can all be a bit unreasonable at times when hormones are playing up but they very rarely change us into completely different people.

I suspect you have micromanaging tendencies all year round and perhaps that's what your husband is feeling a bit irritated by?

Original poster
BlessedDD · 22/04/2021 23:10

But honestly nothing gets done unless I help/direct etc

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/04/2021 23:11

@BlessedDD

But honestly nothing gets done unless I help/direct etc
Then back off and let him make his own mistakes

It's the best way to learn.

Original poster
BlessedDD · 22/04/2021 23:12

Maybe you’re right I need to just stfu and let him get on - just I feel for my business associate who I know is under the kosh atm and DBIL has had a pretty tough time of it recently

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/04/2021 23:12

Just leave him to it and let him adult.

Lou98 · 22/04/2021 23:15

@BlessedDD

But honestly nothing gets done unless I help/direct etc

Except that he emailed back and said he was free all day, so your 'business associate' could have phoned any time - therefore it would still get done without you criticising him. Perhaps it's not the way you would have done it but that doesn't mean it wasn't getting done.

Equally with scenario 2, if your BIL is as busy as you've said then would it have made a difference if your DH had said we can do 'x' weekend in June as if BIL was busy he wouldn't be able to do it anyway. Again, it's his family and him that's arranging the meet up, leave it to sort it his way.

He's your partner, not your child

Takemetothebar · 22/04/2021 23:16

Agree with @AnneLovesGilbert and @WorraLiberty

Micromanaging and making mountains out of molehills has sweet fa to do with menstruation.

LouiseTrees · 22/04/2021 23:21

For DBIL couldn’t you just tell him what times look free? But the business thing I honestly couldn’t get bothered about

TedMullins · 22/04/2021 23:30

Leave him alone! The call is for the business associate and him to sort between themselves. The associate knows he’s free all day so can ring him at a time of their choosing. I agree it would’ve made sense to tell BIL what weekends you can’t do but again, if DH is arranging it leave him to it. It sounds quite annoying to have you butting in and trying to manage his life for him. I’m also incredulous that you already know what you’re doing in June!

RampantIvy · 22/04/2021 23:35

I really do wish women could move away from blaming periods for their behaviour, it's frankly embarrassing

And annoying. It gives us women a bad name, and we all get tarred with the same brush for being held to ransome by our hormones. It's no wonder that we get blamed for being the weaker sex.

Original poster
BlessedDD · 22/04/2021 23:37

I’ve now told DBIL when we are free and DH isn’t free all day tomorrow it would mean my business associate calling him until they got hold of him - I think it’s respectful and makes time/commercial sense to book a time to speak to someone

OP posts:
imalmostthere · 22/04/2021 23:45

Why does your period have anything to do with this?? Menstruating isn't an excuse to keep nagging.

baubled · 22/04/2021 23:45

It's probably down to how you say it too, criticise and he'll just get his back up.
Second scenario with BIL- "babe just remember we're at XX on the 2nd weekend in June" lin a non arsey/frustrated/condescending tone.

Alternatively just leave him to it, if he messes up it's on him.

I'm not as organised as DP and do things in my own way, he would say the same as you but I wish he would just fuck off and leave me to organise things in my own way- if I piss someone off thats on me, nothing to do with him. When he criticises I'm fully closed to his opinion on what I should be doing, if he isn't a dick about it I take more notice

grapewine · 22/04/2021 23:48

So actually you weren't OK with being told YABU and to just let him get on with things his way.

TedMullins · 22/04/2021 23:48

@BlessedDD

I’ve now told DBIL when we are free and DH isn’t free all day tomorrow it would mean my business associate calling him until they got hold of him - I think it’s respectful and makes time/commercial sense to book a time to speak to someone
Maybe so but it’s not really your business is it?