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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be cross about ruined school clothes?

71 replies

DrSeuss · 22/04/2021 19:50

Yesterday, DS, aged 15, came home with red permanent marker all in two large patches on his white school shirt. Claimed someone turned around and marked him by mistake. I tried alcohol gel as suggested by google followed by a hot wash but it won't come out. Oh well, I thought, accidents happen.
Today, he has come home with the same red marker all over his other white shirt. I eventually persuaded him to admit that it was the girl who sits next to him in English. I find it hard to believe that this was a second accident. It probably won't come off and the shirts are now unusable as they are covered in red marker. They were bought new to return to school after lockdown and their cost represents about half a day's pay for me.

I am currently torn between letting it go so as not to embarrass DS who really doesn't want me to contact the school and the fact that a child has apparently deliberately ruined two brand new shirts which cost me a significant sum. He has admitted that it was the same girl in both cases.
AIBU to email the school or would you let it go?

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/04/2021 21:16

@DrSeuss

May try bleach but am worried that the fabric may not stand it. I think it's polycotton. Will bleach be OK?

It doesn’t matter if it damages the fabric, if you are throwing them away. You’ve nothing to lose.

Mummytemping · 22/04/2021 21:25

She probably fancies him. Its secondary school, just send him in with a pen mark, he'll survive.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 22/04/2021 21:43

Tippex the whole shirt?
Although he may not be able to bend his body afterwards though...

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 22/04/2021 21:45

Shirts are £5 from the supermarket and bleach is 50p.

Theunamedcat · 22/04/2021 21:48

I've had success with white vinegar

HairdresserTara · 22/04/2021 21:59

Diluted some bleach (I do 50/50) with water and leave to soak. Then rinse and put on a wash. As for telling the school, that’s quite embarrassing for him but then what’s to say this girl wouldn’t do it again if she wasn’t reported? Not a nice thought but could he being bullied and a bully or bullies did this to him and he’s to scared to tell the truth?

MissyB1 · 22/04/2021 22:09

@FrippEnos

Interesting how so many seem to think that he was complicit in this and not a victim.

That’s what I thought! Why assume he was happy for her to do this?! It doesn’t make sense! I remember a horrible girl at my school that used to do this to people, no one would stand up to her. The rest of the class would snigger whilst she ruined the clothes of whoever she was sitting next to.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 22/04/2021 22:23

This happened to my DS a few years ago except it was his school jumpers which had to have a logo so they were expensive. Someone kept drawing with black marker on his back, there’s no way he could’ve reached there himself and it didn’t come off. I just couldn’t afford to replace perfectly good jumpers so he had to continue wearing them. Really fucking annoying. Uniform is expensive as hell so I feel your pain. My DS also keeps ripping his bloody trousers at the minute, that’s his new thing and they’re expensive M&S ones .

jessyjo2 · 22/04/2021 22:31

Very annoying OP, just hope thats last time.
I needed to get stain out of a white top that vanish wouldn't budge. I put on flash bleach surface spray, it worked great. Might b worth a try.

mogtheexcellent · 22/04/2021 22:35

Milk for marker pens. Just keep soaking as will take a while.

gah2teenagers · 22/04/2021 22:37

Deffo flirting. Read him the riot act OP.

Porcupineintherough · 22/04/2021 23:24

Defo flirting

Or, you know, bullying.

SeaToSki · 22/04/2021 23:34

I think DS should be trying to get the stains out and not you. If he cant get them out then his pocket money to replace them

Rosewood017 · 22/04/2021 23:47

Milton tablets are amazing for getting out stains if you leave the shirt to soak overnight.

It does sound like flirting to me. I'd be tempted to speak to the school and ask the class teacher to keep an eye out and just pull this girl up on it if she comes at him with another red Sharpie. Or maybe they can shed some light on what's going on if more to it.

Bellevu · 23/04/2021 00:43

Your ds should be the one trying all the options to get the stains out while you supervise with a coffee and browse social media.

A few days of scrubbing and frustration should be helpful for reminding him to look after his stuff. Then dock pocket money to replace if needed.

Porcupineintherough · 23/04/2021 00:46

If the OPs child had been female and the child with pen male, I wonder whether the replies on this thread would be the same?

memberofthewedding · 23/04/2021 00:50

This story reminds me of what I call "the revenge of the frilly white socks".

When I was 16 (1960s) and began work every pound I gave my mother for my "keep" went straight onto my princess sister's back so she could have lovely new school uniforms. My uniforms had come from the second hand market. Plain white socks were not good enough for the little princess. Oh no, she had to have ones with lace frills around the top more suitable for a party!

One day I got home early from a friends and the house was empty. The washing was sorted for next day. All the whites were in soak, with the coloureds separated out in another bucket. I took a bright red item and "hid" it at the bottom of the bucket of whites. Then I crept out again to my grandmothers. Later when I came back there was a great weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. My mother got the blame for not sorting the washing properly. And my sweet little sister had to wear pale pink blouses and socks for the next 3 weeks until my mother got my next months "keep" money. I don't think my father was too fond of pale pink boxer shorts either!

Later I told my grandmother what I had done to get my revenge on my snitching bitching sister. I thought she might be angry as she hated waste. But she just smiled and tapped her nose. That was her sign that what I had told her was a secret between us and she would never speak of it.

quizqueen · 23/04/2021 01:10

Pre soak in a solution of Milton and water, rinse and then wash.

Theunamedcat · 23/04/2021 05:49

@Porcupineintherough

If the OPs child had been female and the child with pen male, I wonder whether the replies on this thread would be the same?

Considering its mostly laundry tips yes

MissyB1 · 23/04/2021 07:40

@Porcupineintherough

If the OPs child had been female and the child with pen male, I wonder whether the replies on this thread would be the same?

100% certain they wouldn’t. It would be “get down to school OP this is typical male aggression blah blah”

LolaSmiles · 23/04/2021 11:50

If the OPs child had been female and the child with pen male, I wonder whether the replies on this thread would be the same?
I think most would be.
Surely it's fairly sensible to take on board laundry tips and speak to the teacher to find out what else was going on?

My experience in schools suggest that half the time something like that can be bullying disguised as banter, and half the term it's two students being silly or flirting or annoying each other. If it were my child I'd want to find out which one it is.

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