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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be cross about ruined school clothes?

71 replies

DrSeuss · 22/04/2021 19:50

Yesterday, DS, aged 15, came home with red permanent marker all in two large patches on his white school shirt. Claimed someone turned around and marked him by mistake. I tried alcohol gel as suggested by google followed by a hot wash but it won't come out. Oh well, I thought, accidents happen.
Today, he has come home with the same red marker all over his other white shirt. I eventually persuaded him to admit that it was the girl who sits next to him in English. I find it hard to believe that this was a second accident. It probably won't come off and the shirts are now unusable as they are covered in red marker. They were bought new to return to school after lockdown and their cost represents about half a day's pay for me.

I am currently torn between letting it go so as not to embarrass DS who really doesn't want me to contact the school and the fact that a child has apparently deliberately ruined two brand new shirts which cost me a significant sum. He has admitted that it was the same girl in both cases.
AIBU to email the school or would you let it go?

OP posts:

ViolaValentina · 22/04/2021 20:15

I got permanent marker out of my toddler's favourite stuffed toy by blotting it with isopropyl alcohol - might be worth a try?

M0rT · 22/04/2021 20:17

I would recommend Vanish pink stuff if you want to try it.
It gets blood out so might work on ink.

Original poster

DrSeuss · 22/04/2021 20:18

Thanks, may try all of that.

OP posts:

An0n0n0n · 22/04/2021 20:19

I don't believe your son wasn't complicit in some way.

He doesn't want you to raise it

There is no way he didn't realise it was happening.

Original poster

DrSeuss · 22/04/2021 20:21

AnOn I am sure you are correct. Have decided to try various stain removal advice given above then use his pocket money for replacements if it doesn't work.

OP posts:

kowari · 22/04/2021 20:21

@DrSeuss

Thanks but those won't fit. He wears adult shirts due to his height in narrow fit due to looking like a beanpole!

If my 15 year old allowed someone to damage his clothes then he would just get cheap shirts, I wouldn't be paying extra for slim fit or anything. Many boys will have shirts with wrists sticking out in summer term of year 10 or 11.

iusedtohavechickens · 22/04/2021 20:22

Hi try methylated spirt.

Pippa12 · 22/04/2021 20:23

I feel your pain... my DD came out of school today covered in paint, all over her brand new summer dress for the second day running. They are no longer allowed to use aprons due to Covid I know they’re only £5-£8 but I can’t afford brand new ones every week!!!

Currently soaking in hope all the stains come out!

AuditAngel · 22/04/2021 20:25

I remember many years ago soaking an ink stain in milk to loosen the ink. I also read that Eucalyptus oil will remove ink stains. I bought the oil, but cost me about £10, but it’s for DD’s beloved duvet cover (not tried it yet)

Original poster

DrSeuss · 22/04/2021 20:25

Pippa, that at least sounds like an accident, annoying as it it. How old is your daughter? I'm guessing Y2 or under?

OP posts:

Lou98 · 22/04/2021 20:26

@DrSeuss

May try bleach but am worried that the fabric may not stand it. I think it's polycotton. Will bleach be OK?

If the shirts are ruined anyway then you may aswell give it a try, hopefully it will work.

I don't think there would be much point in contacting the school (unless you think it's a bullying situation) as there isn't really much they can do if he's choosing to mess around with someone and ending up with pen on him.
I would think there's more to the story than he's telling you, him and this girl have most likely been carrying on as a joke.

As others have said, get him to replace them and buy cheaper ones

ThePontiacBandit · 22/04/2021 20:27

I got pen on my white worn uniforms..tried a few suggestions, what worked was a combination of spraying it with hairspray, soaking it in milk overnight then washing it in the machine with a dishwasher tablet. I was skeptical but I honestly couldn’t show you where the stains were now!

I would think this is down to either silly, flirtatious behaviour or her being horrible to him..he may not confess to either though.

FrippEnos · 22/04/2021 20:28

Interesting how so many seem to think that he was complicit in this and not a victim.

RandomMess · 22/04/2021 20:30

Dr Beckmann ink remover works but only before you wash it. Even got the black white board pen of pale pink school dresses.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/04/2021 20:35

I wouldn't contact the school. I wouldn't want to embarrass him. Bleach usually gets anything out. Or perhaps try the yellow elbow grease spray. I bleacbe ds's whit jumper the other day, it was fine.

FOJN · 22/04/2021 20:36

You can get laundry bleach however I do put my own white T shirts in diluted household bleach for a few minutes before I wash them. I doubt it does them much good in the long term but I don't have holes in any yet.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/04/2021 20:36

I would also be worried that it could be someone picking on him perhaps it is just banter, bit to do it twice is out of order.

Pippa12 · 22/04/2021 20:36

Annoyingly she’s 9, just really careless!

Mistressinthetulips · 22/04/2021 20:39

I would want him to sit somewhere else in English for a start! Could you email/call and ask them not to say why?

LolaSmiles · 22/04/2021 20:42

I'd be concerned there's something more to it. Either in terms of him being involved in some two way annoying each other, or that there's more with this girl's behaviour towards him as it's unusual to have that much marker pen on your shirt regularly.

I might be inclined to speak to the class teacher and ask them to keep an eye. Whilst students can prod each other, repeatedly drawing on someone with a marker is something the teacher has either missed, or is aware of and maybe has more insight into what's going on. I'd ask the teacher to keep an eye and if they see anything untoward to separate them. A decent teacher would be open to this and wouldn't tell the student home had called.

PhillipPhillop · 22/04/2021 20:44

Could it be that the girl's shirt is similarly marked? If he doesn't want you to contact the school it could be they were both larking around with pens. In which case I'd get him to do the bleaching/soaking etc!

sherrystrull · 22/04/2021 20:46

I remember being that age. I think he's being picked on and is too nice to say stop. I can remember things like this happening to me and others and having to laugh along like I was in on the joke.

LeSquigh · 22/04/2021 20:56

Drawing on a boys shirt was the sort of stupid thing I would have done at that age to a boy that I fancied - so there’s likely more to this story than he is letting on.

As a more sensible grown up and now parent it massively pissed me off when uniform gets ruined or lost. My sons school seemingly do not use washable paint so that’s been a coupe of items ruined this year and they have barely been there. He’s lost so many jumpers that I now make him pay for them for being so careless. How can a named jumper go missing? I don’t like doing it but it has worked to the extent that he loses fewer of them!

itsgettingwierd · 22/04/2021 20:58

Just tell him he can wear them until he replaces them.

Tell him if the school question it he can tell them it was an accident () and he's saying to replace them.

I'm pretty sure he won't try and tell them a huge coloured in patch happened by mistake. And if he gets into trouble he'll have to suck it up and it'll (hopefully!) get him to stop it in the future.

Gilmoregale · 22/04/2021 21:06

We managed to get pretty much all the red biro stains out of some white sheets years ago on holiday in a rental cottage (we hadn't realised the pen was on the bed and the ruddy thing leaked) by soaking it in milk and then washing, so definitely worth a try. You could also try soaking in soda solution (wear gloves though) and then washing.

I agree with those who say it's likely to be your lad being picked on, especially if he's a bit shy - is this girl the "Queen Bee" of the class, by any chance?!

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