Am I being a bad person?

[cheerrr]

Hello my mum died in September last year.
She was buried in the same plot as my grandmother.
I already had a gravestone that was my grans and I just wanted my mums name engraving.

I was told they would have to remove stone for burial and then put it back in 6 months after ground settled.
Altogether for adding my mums name on plus removing stone for burial and putting it back £700.

I have been suffering badly with my mental health and now claiming universal credit.
I paid the £350 deposit.
I now owe £350 to be paid by Friday.
My universal credit payment is just over £400
So I would have £50 for a month.
My electric /gas is £80
Plus I need food and other bills.

I've tried calling the stone mason who has said no payment plans.
It has to be paid in full by Friday.

Do I pay it in full Friday ?
Or shall I pay it next month if I put half away from this months UC
And the other half next months UC

I feel shit asking this but would this make my mum disappointed in me if she's watching over me?
Do I just ignore the calls by stone people till next month when I pay it ?

Sorry for your loss.

What does the stone mason say the consequences for non payment are? It doesn’t seem like you’ll be left with enough to live on for the month. Any family who can help out?

Nope nobody.
They've just said at the bottom of the letter
"All gravestones are property of us till full payment is made"

Your mum won't judge you, no-one will. Do not leave yourself with £50 to get through the month, pay half now and half next month.

Id be inclined to tell them the truth and ask outright - if I pay it next month, is it just that there is a delay in the headstone being released to me or are there any other consequences. Id be very apologetic though so as to not get their backs up

Honestly, your mum would want you to do what's best for you. I'm worried about you leaving yourself without any money. I wouldn't pay for it until I could afford it.

See if you can just delay it being laid, surely it’s all engraved and it’ll be no use to them anyway

I would suggest you pay £100 for 3 months.. explain your situation and I'm sure they would understand. I used to work at a crematorium and all our stonemasons were super nice and understanding. Anyone with any decency would understand your situation. Please don't ignore any phone calls as you may loose you deposit.

Credit card or credit union?

I could put it on credit card

Is you not paying going to leave the stone mason in a position where they can't feed their family? Because that's not really fair on them.

The vast majority of mothers would 100% want their child to prioritise eating and electricity and a roof over their head above a bit of stone.

I’m sure the stonemason is lovely but I’m not so sure it will be a case of nodding and smiling sympathetically.

I was told they would have to remove stone for burial and then put it back in 6 months after ground settled.

Is this really the case? Was the headstone upright?

I had this situation & there was no need to move the headstone. I'm wondering why there would be?

Unless it's like it is in the US, and is flat?

However, regardless feeding yourself & meeting your outgoings is what's most important. Your mum will only be thinking of you with love. I'm sorry for your loss. 💐

I would say that due to covid your circumstances have changed and ask if you could pay £50 now and the balance over 6 months, offer a bit more to cover administration costs.

Please don't leave yourself short, if you put it on the card you could pay it over 6 months

I was gonna say 0% credit card was a option

@EarringsandLipstick it was upright stone and we are UK

[quote cheerrr]@EarringsandLipstick it was upright stone and we are UK [/quote]
Why did they have to move it? I've never heard of this. I'm just asking in case this was a needless cost & therefore you can pay less?

@EarringsandLipstick they said that the cemetery said they had to take the stone up so my mum could be Buried

They had to remove stone do plot could be fig up and mother buried. The fee will include storage of stone for 6 months and engraving and putting back in place. If you can't pay on Friday most likely all that will happen is you won't get stone put up until debt repaid. They might charge you interest I suppose. Pay what you can each week and keep a record of what you have paid. If you were to d cide not to pay they could take you to small claims court as they can't sell it to anyone else or take engraving off. Sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss.

Did your mum leave any money in her estate as this could be used to cover it?

Are you eligible for the funeral expenses payment? It’s for people who are on UC.

The funeral cost £6000 and all life insurance etc was used towards that.

Just pay 100 a month. Its not insulting to your mom. You haven't forgotten her or anything. If it makes you feel better just visit a little bit more if possible until Stone arrives. But really don't feel bad. You are doing your best.
And l do hope they haven't taken advantage of you as we buried my mom in same grave as Dad and only had to get name on stone not take it up. Seems unusual

They had to remove stone do plot could be fig up and mother buried. The fee will include storage of stone for 6 months and engraving and putting back in place.
*
Caring* but why on Earth would this be needed? The headstone is just that. It's at the top of the plot. At various stages in our family, we have needed to bury other family members. The name was just engraved after. Nothing was ever moved?

I thought it was normal.
I wonder why they removed the stone then.

Oh, bless you
I'd normally member say this, but I think the stonemason has to be told that you'll pay it when you've got it. Actually, that sounds a bit wish-washy. Say that you'll pay it in two parts or something.
Sorry for your loss.