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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change nursery?

42 replies

Mylittlesandwich · 22/04/2021 12:35

I've posted about them before, possibly under another username but I chilled out a bit and trusted them again. This will be long so I apologise.

DS is 17 months and attends a private nursery 2 full days a week. He's a big boy, 96th percentile for weight and 99th for height so he outgrew baby bouncers pretty quickly. Last Friday at pick up he had been put in one again. I've previously mentioned to them that I wasn't happy with that and ask that they not do it again.

This time I emailed the nursery so they couldn't say they didn't know I'd said anything. Things have blown up from here.

The following day the nursery manager called and said she would put it in his notes so he wouldn't be put in it again, so far so good, I'd also mentioned that we were working on his gross motor skills as we help him to learn to walk. They said they'd do the same and could they contact our health visitor. I get on with her really well so said of course.

Today, 2 days later my health visitor gets in touch, the nursery apparently have some concerns. He doesn't crawl (he does crawl he doesn't walk so I have no idea what they're on about). He doesn't talk much (he has a few words and my health visitor isn't concerned). He doesn't settle well (this has never been mentioned to me). He cries when other children approach him (again hasn't been mentioned but as an only child in a pandemic I'm not hugely surprised).

I called the nursery and they're telling a very different story, they didn't call these concerns they were just asking what they could do to help. They apparently didn't mention his speech, my health visitor did. They didn't mention any of these things to me because they're not real issues, just things they could work on. They never said he could walk and not crawl because that's not true.

I do trust my health visitor and almost feel that I'm being gaslighted by the nursery. I'm wondering if they have our best interests at heart or if I should look into moving DS?

OP posts:
PinkCookie11 · 22/04/2021 12:39

Wtf?!
Sound like the defo said all those things to HV for her to ring you.
Are you in touch with HV a lot in regards to his development? Or is this out of the blue?

PegPeople · 22/04/2021 12:43

Personally I'd trust the health visitor over the nursery. Why on earth would she get in touch with you and say any of that if they hadn't mentioned it.

I'm also astounded they use baby bouncers for any of the 17 month olds.

Original poster
Mylittlesandwich · 22/04/2021 12:45

We had his last check up in feb and she had no concerns. We discussed that if he still wasn't walking by 18 months we would put through a physio referral but that was it. The nursery asked her to visit which she's doing tomorrow but she said to them she didn't really see the point as she had no concerns.

OP posts:
MrsCaptainJakeBallard · 22/04/2021 12:48

I'm also amazed they put 17 month olds in baby bouncers!
I can't quite imagine many 17 month olds staying in a bouncer without trying to escape either. Crazy.

Sorry I know that's not the point of the op.
If you aren't happy for any reason you are well within your right to move nursery, it's about being comfortable sending your child there it's a big thing and if you aren't happy move to another.

FelicityPike · 22/04/2021 12:48

17 months in a bouncy chair!?
Noooo.
New nursery pronto.

PinkCookie11 · 22/04/2021 12:48

It’s almost like you’ve pissed them off about bouncer (I would hate to see a 17 month in a bouncer!)
And then asking them for help on skills it’s like they cba so getting HV in.
I hope HV tells them straight.
See what your HV says tomorrow and what they both report back. But if they had lied to me about my baby I wouldn’t be happy and would feel the trust would be gone.

Original poster
Mylittlesandwich · 22/04/2021 13:09

@PinkCookie11

It’s almost like you’ve pissed them off about bouncer (I would hate to see a 17 month in a bouncer!) And then asking them for help on skills it’s like they cba so getting HV in. I hope HV tells them straight. See what your HV says tomorrow and what they both report back. But if they had lied to me about my baby I wouldn’t be happy and would feel the trust would be gone.
That's how I feel, I feel the trust is gone.

As far as him being in the bouncer, it was sad. He's such a happy boy when he's with us and he was just standing there, staring into the distance, not interacting with it at all. If he hadn't been stuck in there because he was kept in one place I'd be very surprised.

OP posts:
Flev · 22/04/2021 14:43

If the trust has gone then I'd say its definitely time to find a new nursery - no way would I want to leave my child with someone I didn't completely trust when they're this young.

PinkCookie11 · 22/04/2021 14:47

Yes it’s awful, I would deffo look to change op

Original poster
Mylittlesandwich · 22/04/2021 14:57

I've spoken to my health visitor again, she's lovely. She thinks they're not used to having a parent who asks questions. That kids are dropped off and picked up and that's it. I've previously asked questions about the nutritional value of meals (salt content). Questioned him being given cake and custard as a desert etc and the answers took a long time to come.

My HV said she'll be speaking to them tomorrow and not just about his development but their relationship with our family as she's not happy either.

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 22/04/2021 15:11

Personally I've always found health visitors to be rubbish. Get things wrong, not follow up, be unreliable etc.

Though in your situation I would probably change nursery as well. They don't sound great even without the mixed messages re concerns.

jessycake · 22/04/2021 15:36

What sort of bouncer does a 17 month old go in ? I have never known that in a child of that age before at a nursery . I can understand in some settings depending on room size and layout , it is difficult to have 8 or more children walking, running and climbing and only one crawling , but they are clearly not meeting his needs and a bouncer is not the answer.

Nobranothanks · 22/04/2021 15:41

Hey, I'd definitely change nursery. I wouldn't be happy with that at all.

About his not walking - sorry I know that's not what you asked - is he double jointed? My daughter wasn't walking at his age or even close to walking. She's double jointed which we knew. Turned out that's why she wasn't walking - the day I took her to get a pair of ankle boots (kickers style) she started walking with the walker. Within 2 weeks she was walking unaided.

MaMaD1990 · 22/04/2021 15:46

God your HV sounds amazing. I'd ask her if she has any recommendations of good nurseries - sounds like she'd know where is good or not!

Ilovemaisie · 22/04/2021 15:52

Do you mean a bouncy chair bouncer (which for many toddlers is just a comfortable chair) or a jumperoo type bouncer? They are very different. What sort do you mean?

PinkCookie11 · 22/04/2021 15:53

Your HV sounds amazing!

Original poster
Mylittlesandwich · 22/04/2021 16:03

She is amazing. I had terrible PND and she was an amazing support. She has recommended the council run nursery near us as she knows they have some spaces.

It's a jumperoo type thing, the fisher price rainforest one specifically. I know because I checked the weight limit months ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mylittlesandwich · 22/04/2021 16:08

@Nobranothanks

Hey, I'd definitely change nursery. I wouldn't be happy with that at all.

About his not walking - sorry I know that's not what you asked - is he double jointed? My daughter wasn't walking at his age or even close to walking. She's double jointed which we knew. Turned out that's why she wasn't walking - the day I took her to get a pair of ankle boots (kickers style) she started walking with the walker. Within 2 weeks she was walking unaided.

Not double jointed as far as we know. We aren't concerned because he's so close! He walks holding one of your hands. He stands for periods of time by himself. He walks with a push along walker. He just needs the confidence to realise he can do it so that's what we're helping him with.
OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 22/04/2021 16:08

The manufacturer’s recommended age is 6 to 12 months
The nursery sounds a bit useless
Move him if you can

DinoHat · 22/04/2021 16:11

I had a similar situation with my childminder. I went really pleased with DS’ speech progress and she reeled off a list of delays she perceived. A totally different child to who I knew at home and she hadn’t said a word to be about it all previously and she’d had him 6 months.

I’ve swapped to nursery and am so glad I did. He cheers when we pull in and you can tell he LOVES it. I’m much more confident in the nursery and their resources.

Ilovemaisie · 22/04/2021 16:20

Ah a jumperoo. We never had one of those (not actually sure if they were around when mine was a baby). There was one at a drop in play n stay we went too that my daughter attempted to get in to and play. She would have been age 3 at the time and wasn't the only 'big kid' trying that !
Maybe your son indicated he wanted to play in it.

Jangle33 · 22/04/2021 16:44

I didn’t walk til I was 18 months and same for my kids. It’s really common. Unless there’s other concerns they seem completely off the mark here. Amazing how wrong nurseries can me. Mine was lovely but called me in with concerns about my son’s development. He’s at school now (and stealth boast) miles and miles ahead. They just go at their own speed sometimes.

Trust your instincts 100%!

bumpdownthestairs · 22/04/2021 16:50

If you ask me it sounds like they have put him in the bouncer to get his legs 'working' if you get what I mean? Absolutely the wrong way to go about it though! 😡 our nursery said my 26 month's old speech was very poor for his age, they implemented a speech plan too help him. He had a check up with the HV a few days later and she was mortified and said that there's absolutely nothing to worry about. When you think about it really most nursery workers are on minimum wage amd probably don't really have that much interest in the job! Should definitely be a higher skilled and paid job.

Planningobjection · 22/04/2021 17:12

He’s likely way too heavy for a baby bouncer and it will be a detriment to his gross motor development to use one. When they’re able to sit independently there’s no point in them so why are they using it at his age. They need to be encouraging floor play so he can practice crawling, pulling up to stand, cruising etc not restraining him in a bouncer which will do nothing for his development.

Planningobjection · 22/04/2021 17:14

Just seen it’s a jumperoo. Those are also a hinderence to walking if used for more than 20 minutes a day, they teach babies to either not put their feet on the floor or walk on their top toes. Nursery should know this.

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