Partner saying stuff to our little girl

[Chocolatekrispy]

I'm not sure if I'm being a bit precious or if partner is trying to make our dd think he is wonderful and I am shit!
There's been a few things said over the past few days which have made me a bit unsure of what he's trying to achieve.
I asked him if he would drive as I was absolutely knackered to which he said " do I have to I'm absolutely knackered " so I drove but dd said to him " daddy did you want to drive " to which he says " yes I said I would " - he didn't he made a huge deal out of it and to a 3 year old it looks like I'm not letting him drive, tonight I'm in a bit of a flap because I'm worrying she hasn't got a place at nursery and was chatting to partner about it but he wasn't listen so I half heartily said oh I'll talk to myself to which he said infront of dd " your shouting at me" I defo wasn't shouting we were outside and I wouldn't shout anyway, later on he's said he was sorry and that he couldn't hear me ! Surely if I was shouting he would have heard me?
Then he constantly says to dd " do you want mummy or daddy to do it " knowing full well she'll of course choose her daddy because I am with her all the time and she like him to play etc when he's home, aibu or is he being abit out of order ?

he sounds a bit immature and dickish to me tbh

I should have said also that when it's football night ( 2-3 times a week ) he wouldn't ask her if she wants him or me to put her to bed, play games with her, dress her etc even if she cries and says she wants daddy to do something he will still walk out the door and not think twice that she wants him

bit of a disney dad as well then, at least she has you as a stablising influence, she wants df as she feels safe that you are there for her regardless.

OP, see this for what it is, his insecurity, and don't be part of the game playing. Keep an adult mind frame and think about your DD's best interests.

Parenting is providing stability and not a competition.

What do you mean about his security ? X

Sorry @Enough4me I meant what do you mean about insecurities xx

@warmandtoasty2day I think your right she knows I'll always be here with and for her, he's walked off to do his football when she's been so unwell and also at times when she's cried for him

Sounds like you have your hands full with a lovely little girl and a big man child.
🙄

his insecurities are probably because he knows you are top banana, so he has to keep her on side when it suits him and it 'gets one up' on you.
he shows his true colours in other ways not being there when she's poorly.

Not sure if I’m reading something different to PPs I do think you’re being totally precious.

He sounds so immature .

I feel like I've read a different thread! It's immature to point score this way, these are all such non events, I honestly can't believe how these are actual issues?

This sounds exhausting! I don’t think you’re being precious at all. I’ve been through this sort of thing and it can be so infuriating. In the end I would say to the kids, “Daddy will do it”/“Daddy is going to help you with that” etc. May sound a bit passive aggressive, but it’s actually healthy delegation (especially at times when you’re mid-poo for example and little hands are fumbling under the door pleading for you to help them dress up the cat 😂)

He might be selfish for a whole host of other reasons but the asking about bedtime/leaving for football thing seems reasonable to me, as long as you get evenings off too.

I wouldn’t think twice about walking out the door just because my crying three year old wants me to stay or do bedtime. Her entirely capable other parent is there. Sometimes it’s Mummy, sometime it’s Daddy, sometimes yes, she can choose, but I won’t be dictated to to that extent by the whims of a child.

These sound very minor really. You sound a bit jealous. It's normal for children to go through phases of preferring one parent so just go with it for now, it will change again no doubt. There's nothing wrong with him going out sometimes either, as long as you get the chance to do the same. As the other parent you can surely put your daughter to bed? Maybe work on your communication style as it all sounds rather confusing and passive aggressive

I read your previous thread about the costs of moving house etc
He’s a bastard. Protect your daughter and yourself.

he's 'programming/influencing' her to feel that you are the 'bad' person....and if this continues then as she grows older that feeling will become instilled in her mind as 'reality'.........
he is not a good partner or dad and actually what he's doing is not only immature but also rather underhand and undermining of you as her mother.....not nice and actually rather dangerous.......

@OmniversalSpecies2021 I have felt like he has the upper hand a lot actually in the relationship.
What do you mean it can be dangerous ? I'm really concerned about it to be honest and not sure what to do as I've had a chat with him before about it

But op, you're saying things to him in front of DD too.

You could start doing it in reverse - things he's not so happy doing.
"DD, do you want Mummy or Daddy to get up early to play with you on Saturday while I have a lie in "
"DD, do you want Mummy or Daddy to take you to the park on Saturday afternoon slap bang in the middle of the football "

@BilboBercow what am I saying infront of dd to him?

You could start doing it in reverse - things he's not so happy doing.

Do not do this
Don’t use your child as a pawn in a futile game

If this isn't a one off & it's his default behaviour pattern, he likes to paint you as the villain to your daughter. So he needs her to like him & see him as 'better' than you. So : insecure & a power thing too, as children do go thru phases of preferring one parent, but exploiting that to meet your own ends is manipulative & controlling.

^What do you mean it can be dangerous ?^
He's manipulating her perception of you - her mother.
This kind of thing is insiduous.

If somebody were talking like this in your friendship group about somebody - how would that influence your perception?