To be offended that MIL said

[brunettebarette]

she would object at our wedding? This has been said twice in front of me and I thought it a bit hurtful. For what it's worth I've always been as polite and well-mannered as I can and have never done wrong to DH so I can't see that it's anything to do with me. Future DH said it's a joke and that I'm sensitive. The first time she said it's because he's her son. Would you be offended by this or am I really overreacting? I'm too polite to say anything other than to future DH.

@notacooldad

Sounds like a fairly standard cliche joke that is often said. Would Ibe offended if a future MIL said that to me? Would I hell as like! I'd be joking straight back and having a laugh. Do I think you are being over sensitive. Of course I do. In fact I would go further but l keep that thought to myself.

Good job no-one was asking about you then eh?

Sometimes, 'jokes' are a covert, legitimate way of expressing underlying hostility

And sometimes they're just jokes.

I don’t find it funny. I would be telling, yes telling your future DH he needs to speak to her and she needs to apologise

Please don't ever tell your future DH what he must do. This is controlling behaviour. Your DH decides what he does!

I suspect it was all a joke and you are being sensitive but without hearing her voice and tone I can't know. I'd relax about it unless you have anything other than these examples as evidence she doesn't like you. These are all comments that could be meant in a light-hearted way.

She’s a nightmare!!! I’d be suggesting psychiatric help, tbh. Like, “Why do you want to marry your own son? You know that’s really sick, don’t you?”
and “This jealousy thing you’ve got going on is really, really weird. Do you think you need to see someone about it?”

@GillBungalow

Just say 'haha what makes you think you'll be at our wedding' and see how she takes it.

This is a brilliant answer 😂😂😂 I would have taken it as a joke once but twice is wierd.

If it’s a joke, what’s actually funny about it? It doesn’t seem very funny to me.

I'd worry about the future op.
Is she going to be completely mad when you marry? Ruin your day? I'd be worried about what drama is about to happen, especially if your DH doesn't stand up for you.
Imagine her all in black, weeping atbtge wedding?
That's what I'm picturing.

Omg, imagine if you have a kid....? Nightmare!!!

@saraclara

Sometimes, 'jokes' are a covert, legitimate way of expressing underlying hostility

And sometimes they're just jokes.

And the usual way of telling the difference is by asking - ‘was that funny?’ If the answer is a clear no, it’s not a joke.

@RiojaRose

If it’s a joke, what’s actually funny about it? It doesn’t seem very funny to me.

That's what I can't help thinking.

What's funny about saying to someone that you don't want them to marry your son & would stop it happening if you could?

I mean it might depend on how it was said & context, but isn't it essentially saying the above?

If OP and MIL have a jokey relationship, and it’s said when a twinkle and a smile, then sure, it’s probably a joke.

But it’s quite obvious from the OP’s posts that they do not have this sort of relationship at all. If they did, she wouldn’t be posting here, feeling upset by it.

@saraclara some of us have suffered from MILs who have said things like this, and although are meant to be ‘jokes’ are really digs at the DIL or because she isn’t coping with her little boy growing up.
I’ve had the MIL sobbing hysterically down the phone accusing me of stealing her baby. Luckily we have managed to move on from this and have a reasonable relationship now, but to get there she had to accept her son had his own life now. I wouldn’t wish those first few years on anyone, it was so stressful. And some MILs never accept their baby has grown up (and this includes mothers of daughters too, so the MIL to the husband). This isn’t a dig at mothers of sons.

@RiojaRose

If it’s a joke, what’s actually funny about it? It doesn’t seem very funny to me.

Lots of jokes are based on hyperbole and self mockery.

I heard the joke as the mum pretending an over reaction to not being the main woman in his life any more and teasing by threatening something she would never actually do, out of fun.

That's hardly an unusual construction for a jokey exchange. Maybe they're a family used to teasing each other, and OP isn't used to that family dynamic.

None of us know because we weren't there to hear the tone of voice etc. But it's MN so obviously the putative MIL must be being spiteful and her son ineffectual.

It doesnt seem like a joke to me. It sounds like she is desperate to keep her son as 'hers' and not willing to let go.