To have told DP I wouldn’t fight for him?

[OnlyInYourDreams]

Hypothetical conversation the other day about if either of us met someone else. It started around one of DP’s colleagues who it transpired is having an affair.

Anyway the conversation came around to us and he said that if I ever met someone he would obviously fight for the relationship, and I replied that I absolutely wouldn’t. His response was “so you wouldn’t fight for me?” To which I said “no. If you met someone else then I’d wish you luck and send you on your merry way.”

He seemed surprised.

Sometimes I think it is the other way around. I really bought into the concept of working at my marriage (which in general is a good thing) but I took it to the nth degree. I got to the point where I should have walked away long ago but I was convinced we would make it. Then bam Exdh broke the camels back and ...nothing. no interest or desire to fight for him.

Disclaimer: stereotypical sexist theory

With men it can also be about winning. You dont want your possession to be stolen and admit that you are not an alpha. Therefore you need to fight.

I've been in this situation I let him go there were regrets but I kept them to myself we had no kids so it was easier

I don’t know what I’d do if it happened to me. It would probably depend on the circumstances. But I hope I wouldn’t want to fight for someone who didn’t respect me.

@ihatesonic

I am intrigued by these responses. As most people I know in married life don't actually end the marriage.

Just recently a friend of mine discovered her husband had been a swinger and had a year long affair. She stayed. I can't fathom why.

Well I'm divorced and there was no infidelity, we have a child together. So I would certainly divorce a man who had an affair, I divorced exh for a lot less!

YANBU. How degrading and humiliating have to fight for affection! Off they fuck!

No, I wouldn't either. I don't understand wanting to. If you loved someone so deeply that you'd do anything to be with them, surely it would be untenable to be with them after seeing how differently they felt? And you would want them to do whatever they wished?

If you felt no one was taking your man, as if he were a commodity, that seems incredibly petty to squabble in such a way and who wants the kind of partner you have to keep in a cage as if he were a guinea pig?

If it were the kind of scenario where I thought they were having a moment of madness and I knew better than them, I would have to consider them weak and somehow inferior to me and I find that incredibly boring.

Can't imagine fighting for someone unfaithful under any circumstances.