AIBU to think this music teacher sounds like too much hard work?

[musicalquiz]

I need a music teacher for my DD. I've found one online (via Facebook) who is apparently going to be joining DD's school in September. This is a very specific instrument and teachers aren't too easy to find.

I've asked teacher to email me his DBS. He has said no, he won't email it to me but he will bring it to my house when he takes DD for her first lesson. I'd rather see it ahead of time as his Facebook is very closed down and I can't see any of his details via the account - fake name etc.

He also wants paying in cash. No bank transfer. Cash only. This is 1) a PITA for me to make sure I have the right amount each week and 2) makes me wonder about tax evasion.

Finally, teacher can't do the days I want. We can do the other days but means rearranging one of my own weekly engagements.

AIBU to sack it off and keep looking for another teacher or am I just being grumpy and unreasonable?

Days are always difficult - if he only has spaces on a Thursday, what's he supposed to do? Tell someone else they have to change day? Some teachers will do a rejig of their timetable each September, but changing mid-year can be a nightmare.

On specialisms, while some teachers will teach multiple instruments at lower levels, there can be an advantage to having someone whose real specialism was your instrument. Many teachers teach both violin and viola, but I did gain from being taught by someone who was primarily a viola player. Someone posted on here about their child who appeared to have been taught the wrong fingerings on their tuba, due to a brass teacher who didn't actually know that not all tubas are Bb tubas.

Yeah there is no way I would email my DBS certificate to a random person I have never met due to the amount of personal information it contains. Sending it to a company/school etc is different as there is an expectation of GDPR rules being followed to ensure my information is kept securely.

As for paying in cash, I used to be an English teacher abroad and I much preferred being paid in cash as nobody could "forget to send the money" or "send it later" and it didn't require chasing up as much as online payments as the money was there or it wasn't and could be dealt with immediately.

The only thing that's really an issue is the availability- if the teacher's availability clashes with other commitments then it would be worth trying to find someone else who suits your schedule before you rearrange things.

Sorry but he sounds completely reasonable.

YABU re DBS and cash payment, that all sounds reasonable for reasons others have explained. If the days don't work, it's up to you to take it or leave it.

Entirely unreasonable to expect an email of his DBS.

All my children’s private tutors have been paid in cash over the years. It’s the norm I’d say.

The only issue is the days don’t suit. Either make them fit or find someone else.

He doesn’t sound like hard work. But you are the customer.

@AmyLou100

How could he be joining the school if his DBS is dodgy. He just probably doesn't want to share such details.

But I don't know if he really is joining the school? He's on Facebook under a false name, has only given me his first name, and nothing's been announced by the school. It's just what he, a stranger on Facebook with no personal photos etc on his profile, has told me in a message.

I don't think he's being all that unreasonable.

Hardly any of my teacher colleagues use their real names on social media. It helps reduce the chances of being tracked down by students/parents. Privacy settings are used for the same reason.

A DBS has a lot of personal information on it that few people would want to email to a stranger. Bringing it with him sounds much more realistic.

My DC have music lessons with different teachers who each have their own preferences for how they're paid. Some like cash at the beginning of the lesson so that they can be sure that the parent will pay up.

Some time slots will fill up more quickly than others. Some teachers are only available to work on certain days of the week due to other commitments.

Look for another teacher if you feel that this one isn't compatible, but chances are that other teachers may have a similar way of doing business.

@KnottyKnitting

I have a job that requires an enhanced DBS - we have always been told to share the reference number so people can look it up if they need to but on no account allow someone to take a photo copy. It has all of your personal details on it meaning you are vulnerable to a data protection breach if it was to get into the wrong hands. Having sight of it and a number to check should suffice.

Thank you, I will ask for that.

I dont blame him for not emailing a copy of the DBS. I think he us being totally reasonable in this.
Cash only. Behind the times, maybe. But equally maybe he gas been stung in tye past with promises to transfer later?
His spaces dont suit you? Reason to move on, but it's not his fault!

Sounds like there us too much unease on your side to continue, but I can see his reasons for operating the way he is. Doesnt mean you need to like it.

I think the DBS thing is reasonable but you can look it up on the government website if he gives you a reference number - I looked up my own just today!

But a combination of not available on the days you want and the cash thing would be a deal breaker for me. I run a business in a related field and the cash thing is just strange and old fashioned IMO, not necessarily dodgy. It is a very easy way of avoiding paying tax on that income though.

You are being grumpy and unreasonable.
Perfectly sensible of him to not send you his DBS and also to have his FB page locked down if he teaches. It is not your business to know his private life or how much tax he pays. If he will be teaching in your child's school he is qualified and DBS checked.

Why don't you request a trial lesson now (which you will of course pay for) to see whether this teacher and your child are a good fit. Once he has met you he may well be happy for a paypal or bank transfer in advance of each lesson or for you to pay for a block of lessons is advance.

The fact that he only has certain slots available is a good sign. Good teachers are in demand. Take it or leave it.

He's not unreasonable, he definitely should not email his dbs, as previously stated, most tutors ask to be paid in cash, thats completely normal, teachers are advised to use a fake name on social media, so all sounds completely normal.
He's told you his availability it either suits you or it doesn't, not much he can do about that, and he has no obligation to be flexible as someone above mentioned

Ok, understand re the DBS, thanks. I've not seen one before but surely they could just hide the personal info other than name? But again I've not seen one so perhaps that's why.

Yeah the cash is annoying for me tbh. I'm a single parent, I work full time and I don't want to be farting around making sure I have exactly £32 each week or whatever. From his side I was only thinking about the tax point tbh but hadn't considered non payment angle!

He sounds sensible to me. I wouldn't email my DBS to someone and it's quite normal for teachers to use false names or variations of their name on social media.
The cash in hand is probably personal preference. I have friends who tutor and ask for cash at the start of the session, or monthly fees in advance because they have had situations where parents 'forget' to pay, or need regularly reminding to pay.

He offers a service on a particular day, at particular times. If they're not convenient then you need to find someone with the right availability.

A friend of mine is a music teacher - she has the devil's own job getting people to pay, so I understand the cash thing. Also the DBS and the issues with social media, as PP have explained. But it's your choice. If you don't want to use him, then don't.

DBS thing is totally reasonable, I wouldn’t send my DBS to strangers either

Cash only is annoying but not as annoying as parents who don’t pay for lessons on time and always promise to transfer money later, then “forget”. Not saying you would do that, but I would guess he’s encountered a few like that and been stung before.

He sounds paranoid.

Maybe he has a conviction and wants to explain to you in person?

@helenoftroystonvasey

He sounds paranoid.

Maybe he has a conviction and wants to explain to you in person?

Its not paranoid to not want to email your personal details (including name, DoB, address, employer etc) to some random person on the Internet

Its not paranoid to not want to email your personal details (including name, DoB, address, employer etc) to some random person on the Internet

Yep. And if both parties are 100% honest about who they say they are, all that information would be going to the parent of a student at the school where he'll be working in September.

all that information would be going to the parent of a student at the school where he'll be working in September.

Even then the school will be the one verifying ID/DBS etc so all the parents will just get a note in the school newsletter at the start of term that "Mr Smith (BMus) will be joining the music department to teach XYZ". They won't be provided with his personal information any more than they would be given any other teacher's information.

@wanderbug

Its not paranoid to not want to email your personal details (including name, DoB, address, employer etc) to some random person on the Internet

Yep. And if both parties are 100% honest about who they say they are, all that information would be going to the parent of a student at the school where he'll be working in September.

Pretty sure no parents at the school where I work would be told my DoB or my home address...

I would feel pretty uncomfortable if a parent knew my address, actually.

He's not paranoid, he's following best practice in terms of DBS and social media.

Sounds dodgy.
I work with music teachers and I find them err.... a little odd. I haven’t found one that’s not.
ducks

Sounds dodgy.

Why?

Because he doesn't want to email personal information to a random person he has never met and would rather show it to her in an environment where he keeps control over his own documentation and information?

Because he (like 99% of teachers I have ever known and worked with) has his social media locked down so students/parents can't see his information/posts?

Because he wants to be paid a specific way (that is perfectly standard in the tutoring game)?

At my school (where I work) no teachers use their real name on FB... who wants to be stalked by parents?!

DBS.. private.. can ask for the reference no.

Cash... yes I've paid cash for my kids' lessons.

Availability... you have to slot in with what he has free!

I'm a private music teacher. I give pupils parents my email, fb messenger and mobile details and ask them to pay me either weekly or monthly according to their preference by bank transfer or cash. Most pay by bank transfer.