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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Toddler screaming in road every day

42 replies

Stiltonloving · 20/04/2021 17:46

My toddler / child almost age 4 has started screaming outside nursery on floor every day as wants to go to the shop or park. I have 2 others with me and can’t cope any more nothing works.

Today I gave removed his bike as punishment but not sure what else to do. Too heavy to lift now.

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 20/04/2021 17:48

How far away is the park? If close I’d just try and take him for 10 mins

Original poster

Stiltonloving · 20/04/2021 17:53

Close. I stopped going recently as he kicked off when I said time to go and wouldn’t leave.

OP posts:

Seeline · 20/04/2021 17:54

I'd ignore. Just stand and wait until he's finished and then go into nursery without making a fuss. He'll soon get bored.

Original poster

Stiltonloving · 20/04/2021 17:57

Sorry this is at the end of the day at nursery I pick him up at 17:00

OP posts:

Badgerstmary · 20/04/2021 17:58

At nearly 4 he is definitely old enough to know how to play you, although he is probably tired after nursery. Staying calm works best & at least the weather is warm so you won’t get cold whilst he has his tantrum. If you give in to him he will quite likely use this ploy to get whatever he wants. Are you able to choose one or two days a week to go to the park? If he knows in advance he has to behave well when he comes out he can go to the park on these days, hopefully this will help.
Good luck & stay strong.

Stormwhale · 20/04/2021 17:58

You can't stop taking your children to a park because they strop when they want to leave. At 4 your child will not understand that he isn't going to the park because of that behaviour.

OldWivesTale · 20/04/2021 17:59

If he's only 4 he's probably finding school very stressful and having to bottle it all up all day so when he comes out there's a release of the tension resulting in a meltdown. I wouldn't punish him for this; as PP said try to ignore or could you take him for just 10 minutes?

OldWivesTale · 20/04/2021 17:59

Sorry, is this before or after nursery?

GrumpyHoonMain · 20/04/2021 18:00

@Stiltonloving

Close. I stopped going recently as he kicked off when I said time to go and wouldn’t leave.

I’d still take him & use bribery to get him home. Maybe offer to make his favourite food or spice up the walk home with (one) chocolate button given at the end for being a good boy.

EyeDrops · 20/04/2021 18:00

Could you plan to have a nice treat or something fun waiting at home that would tempt him to leave? So go to the park, then when it's time to leave he knows there's something he likes ready to go back to?

OldWivesTale · 20/04/2021 18:00

Either way it's related to stress. Your child is trying to tell you something.

GrumpyHoonMain · 20/04/2021 18:01

@Stormwhale

You can't stop taking your children to a park because they strop when they want to leave. At 4 your child will not understand that he isn't going to the park because of that behaviour.

Yes, I agree with this.

Seeline · 20/04/2021 18:01

Same approach - let him scream. He will stop when he realises that you aren't bothered, and he is not getting his way.

Once home, tell him it's a shame that he is behaving like a baby every evening because obviously he isn't grown up enough to go to the park. He needs to show you that he can behave properly before that happens.

4PawsGood · 20/04/2021 18:04

Is he starving? Might be exhausted and hungry by five. I’d try and give him something to eat like a cereal bar or cheese and crackers.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 20/04/2021 18:05

I cannot believe how many people are telling you to pander to him and give in to tantrums. You never give in to a tantrum. You do it once and they'll keep trying it every time to get their own way.

I'd take a buggy and tell him that if he throws a tantrum then he will have to sit in the buggy as he clearly isn't a big enough boy to walk nicely.

TheIblisHasspoken · 20/04/2021 18:09

Gosh what a load of tosh some people think. Children aren't stupid, at four they should understand the basics of behaviour and right and wrong. They may not always be able to manage their emotions which is what I suspect is happening here, he's tired from a full day and so are you whilst trying to manage your other two.
Babies can manipulate, they may not understand what their doing but they understand the response the carer has to their behaviour and your DS is four so he definitely knows what he's doing.
Of course if you say, right we can't come back to the park if your going to behave like that you have to follow through with it... I think you've done the right thing OP.

As a poster said up thread, I think the only thing you can do is to let him have the tantrum, I find at this age if there is any pressure from parent (hurry up, we need to get home) when their tired, they misbehave, fall apart etc... my youngest is nearly four and can very much act like this.
Can you either try distract techniques... Have fav snack, book, stickers in the car and say if you behave you will get this??? It's so hard when you don't know the child, but at 5pm after nursery my first thoughts would be tired & hungry......
Best of luck OP

Mumofsend · 20/04/2021 18:13

Let him have the tantrum but also do have one day a week where you go to the park and keep that day consistent. Mine responds really well to me setting a timer on my phone so he can see how long he has left and I show him 5 minutes before we need to leave and suggest he picks 3 more things to do so he has a transition warning.

butterpuffed · 20/04/2021 18:19

@Stiltonloving

Close. I stopped going recently as he kicked off when I said time to go and wouldn’t leave.

He wouldn't leave ? As you gave in to him he probably expects you to each time he wants to do something. Did the tantrums start after this incident ?

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 20/04/2021 18:20

For my oldsetDs it was ball pit play area that would reduce him to a tempering screaming mess, not tired as he's do it in the moring too.
Some other mother there suggested I try talking to him before he went off to play and tell him, "Do you like coming here to play? If you want to come again on (pick a day) then you have to come out so we can go home when I ask, OK? He agreed and sometimes I have to remind him, Don't forget when I said, if you want to come back we have to leave when I ask.
Seemed to work for my 4 year old.

GoWalkabout · 20/04/2021 18:21

Distract PRIOR to a tantrum by engaging him in a game or what you have planned, but DURING the tantrum just stop, don't make eye contact and wait until he quiets 'good, you're ready to walk home nicely' (or keep walking if it's safe to move away from him but it probably isn't). No attention whatsoever. Whoever is watching and judging. And never give in! He's testing his power but he honestly will prefer it if you are in charge (imagine the weight of ruling the world at such a young age).

MarcelinesMa · 20/04/2021 18:31

I might be suggesting something you’ve already tried but, have you tried counting down? So you’re at the park and it’s nearly time to go so you say “we’re going home in 5 minutes” then 4, 2, 1 minute followed by a bright and breezy “ok home time guys let’s go!” The tantrums he wants a reaction which it sounds like he’s getting. I wouldn’t give in to those and take him when he kicks off but with the nice weather, if you have time after picking him up surprise him before he kicks off tomorrow or whenever by saying shall we go to the park? Etc. You can’t not take him anymore, practically I mean- that just isn’t going to work long term.

I have to do this with my son who has ASD because he can’t deal with what to his mind is a change in plan so being told he’s got to leave the park/swimming pool/whatever now upsets him. Counting down really helps.

User0ne · 20/04/2021 18:58

I find giving my 4yo a heads up that we're going to have to go soon makes leaving much easier. So for example saying 5.mins left, then time for a go on 1 last thing and off we go.

I always have a snack for them (3 and 4yr old) as they're leaving preschool at midday even though we only.live a 2min walk away. They're always hungry and don't know it.

porridgecake · 20/04/2021 19:02

If he has been at nursery all day he is probably exhausted, hungry and thirsty. Does he have a nap there?

tobedtoMNandfart · 20/04/2021 19:10

Haven't RTFT. Meet him with a banana etc

1Morewineplease · 20/04/2021 19:17

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

I cannot believe how many people are telling you to pander to him and give in to tantrums. You never give in to a tantrum. You do it once and they'll keep trying it every time to get their own way.

I'd take a buggy and tell him that if he throws a tantrum then he will have to sit in the buggy as he clearly isn't a big enough boy to walk nicely.

Quite.

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