My two children (now in early 20's) have, I've realised over time and especially lately, made me feel completely inadequate. Over the past ten years they have put me down, criticised every single decision I have made be it house choice, area choice, their schools, the way I have dealt with my finances, my clothes, my career.
I bought them up alone with very little support from their father who they see occasionally but are equally critical of (but with good reason). They both blame me for their lack of motivation/status in life.
They have been incredibly disloyal and have lied to me multiple times. They have refused to pay rent/board until they finally left home. I've done everything I possibly could since they were babies but now I feel numb, wrung out, exhausted and actually, now we finally have some distance between us (except when they need food/money/lifts) I am feeling relieved but don't really think of them or feel that I actually care.
Is this normal? I have a great partner who is supportive and has also done a lot for both of them but they have decided he's not good enough financially/good looking enough for me and I should find someone 'who can provide a house/car/holidays etc'. They are both extremely materialistic.
Where did I go wrong? How do I get over this?
In need of handhold because I'm wondering if I've become devoid of emotion and feel a shell of my former self. I just feel incredibly sad that those two babies who I loved more than anything and dedicated my life to became parasites and people I don't like very much at all. When I see friends/colleagues with small children and they are doting on them I think 'just you wait, they can turn on you'. I don't want to be so cynical.
Occasionally they have both admitted to having amazing childhoods and say I was the best mother for them in everything I did, but that soon changes to nastiness.
I feel I created monsters.