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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is strange

56 replies

YummyButter · 20/04/2021 11:04

Genuinely curious about this one.

Does anyone else find it strange to buy other people cards, gifts etc. for their wedding anniversaries? Seems to be the norm in my partners family, but it's so strange to me lol

I think husbands and wives should obviously get for each other if they want to, but should it really be a thing that other people buy for other couples anniversaries?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 20/04/2021 11:08

It’s nice for a first anniversary or 10/20/50 years thing, but I wouldn’t otherwise

But cards seem to be a very personal thing

DH’s family all buy each other really OTT cards (the really big ones with 4 pages that say “to my step-great-grandmother, happy Easter”) that have really smushy poems inside then they write the most basic greeting “To Val, love Roger” then throw them away a few days later anyway. I find it so weird. What a waste of money and terrible for the environment too

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 11:09

With family if went to the wedding they tend to get a card, but I haven't been to millions of family weddings thankfully.
Never sent a couple an anniversary present with the exception of my parents big anniversaries like Silver/Gold etc.
DH and I don't send each other cards or gifts for anniversaries.

skirk64 · 20/04/2021 11:18

I don't even know when anyone else's anniversary is, let alone get them a card. That includes parents, I think it's in late July but no idea of the exact date.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 20/04/2021 11:29

I always used to send my parents an anniversary card, and I sent one to my bestie for her first anniversary but that's about it.

CounsellorTroi · 20/04/2021 11:35

I think wedding anniversaries are for the couple. It also makes me cringe a bit when FB friends make a big thing of their anniversary. DH and I never do - not even the big ones. I know someone who puts up a wedding picture year after year.

Twotinydictators · 20/04/2021 11:36

No, wouldn't think to send one, don't want to receive one!

Obviously a gift and a card would be taken to a party or whatever but otherwise, no.

Meowchickameowmeow · 20/04/2021 11:37

I think it's fine for the big ones (25, 50 etc) and they're maybe having a party but not every year. I wouldn't even remember when it was tbh.

LaLaLouella · 20/04/2021 11:41

No, I think it's a bit wierd too, anniversaries are for the couple involved only really.

Exceptions are my parents anniversaries (as my mum gets weirdly upset if I don't acknowledge it, and I don't want to upset her if I can help it!) and also the big family ones e.g silver, ruby, diamond etc when I'll get a card.

wesowereonabreak · 20/04/2021 11:43

Not strange

It's nice from some people to remember weddings they have been invited and they enjoyed.

Just because you or I can't be arsed doesn't mean there's anything strange in it.

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 11:43

I guess it must be a thing because there's cards that say 'On Your Anniversary' on the front, and if there wasn't a market for them they wouldn't be there.

Ponoka7 · 20/04/2021 11:43

We stopped doing cards and gifts for everything, when every relative from my mother's generation had died. But I think it's a personal thing, if they like doing it and there's no pressure, then they can crack on. I like the idea of any excuse for a party though.

wesowereonabreak · 20/04/2021 11:44

@CounsellorTroi

I think wedding anniversaries are for the couple. It also makes me cringe a bit when FB friends make a big thing of their anniversary. DH and I never do - not even the big ones. I know someone who puts up a wedding picture year after year.
who on earth could possibly be cringey about that? They like to remember their day, I like to remember my holidays, each to their own.

I bet many people find it a bit sad that you don't make a big thing or your anniversary.

YellowTwinklyStar · 20/04/2021 11:46

I find it a bit odd. For the big ones I send a card but to me it's a bit like congratulating the couple for doing what they said they'd do in their wedding vows.

nokidshere · 20/04/2021 11:49

I'm genuinely irritated by these type of threads.

How,can you just not understand that people are allowed to celebrate in whichever way they want? Have you been brought up in a cave? You've actually got to adulthood without seeing other people celebrate differently to you? It's almost as bad as the next set of answers which will almost certainly be of the "I'm so cool I can't even remember when I got married" type.

I genuinely don't understand Wink how people are so willing to parade their ignorance and stupidity on a public forum.

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 11:49

I just see it as an acknowledgment of a nice day and the years they have been married. I am not congratulating them for keeping up their promises-I wouldn't know if they hadn't!

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 11:51

@nokidshere

I'm genuinely irritated by these type of threads.

How,can you just not understand that people are allowed to celebrate in whichever way they want? Have you been brought up in a cave? You've actually got to adulthood without seeing other people celebrate differently to you? It's almost as bad as the next set of answers which will almost certainly be of the "I'm so cool I can't even remember when I got married" type.

I genuinely don't understand Wink how people are so willing to parade their ignorance and stupidity on a public forum.

I think threads are started to make others feel a bit odd in the completely normal( in RL) things they do. Under the pretence they are 'strange lol'.
wesowereonabreak · 20/04/2021 11:52

No, I think some people are miffed they are missing out so they try to make themselves feel superior by being judgemental.

RaspberryCoulis · 20/04/2021 11:53

I don't even know when my sister's anniversary is. The inlaws send us a card for our anniversary each year - yes, one of the really tacky several page ones with glitter and to our loving son and DIL message. I don't think I've ever bought a card for an ordinary anniversary in my life - I did buy cards for my parents' and inlaws 50th wedding anniversaries as that is an occasion to be marked.

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 11:54

@wesowereonabreak

No, I think some people are miffed they are missing out so they try to make themselves feel superior by being judgemental.
Not thought of that. Good point.
YellowTwinklyStar · 20/04/2021 11:56

@wesowereonabreak

No, I think some people are miffed they are missing out so they try to make themselves feel superior by being judgemental.
I get cards and gifts on my anniversary from relatives and still feel the same as OP. So it's not jealousy for me.
YellowTwinklyStar · 20/04/2021 11:57

And I don't really mind if other people don't find it strange just glad to know I'm not the only one who does.

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 12:00

My parents and our siblings send us an anniversary card every year. I wouldn't be massively upset if they didn't but I really quite like that they do. They are thinking of us and our wedding day. Smile

YellowTwinklyStar · 20/04/2021 12:01

That makes sense Sparklingbrook like it's nice they remembered they had a nice day rather than CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVEN'T DIVORCED!

ToryStelling · 20/04/2021 12:04

I might for a milestone anniversary of close friends/family members (especially if there was a party!) but I really think anniversaries are for the couple to celebrate.

I certainly wouldn’t expect anniversary cards from anyone except DH.

PIL expect an anniversary card every year and I’m always a bit Hmm They get really arsey if we don’t buy them one.

nitsandwormsdodger · 20/04/2021 12:08

First annerverssaries if I was in wedging party maybe
Big 40 50 for my parents
My MIL buys one for us
Friends no