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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is strange

56 replies

YummyButter · 20/04/2021 11:04

Genuinely curious about this one.

Does anyone else find it strange to buy other people cards, gifts etc. for their wedding anniversaries? Seems to be the norm in my partners family, but it's so strange to me lol

I think husbands and wives should obviously get for each other if they want to, but should it really be a thing that other people buy for other couples anniversaries?

OP posts:

RuthW · 20/04/2021 12:09

I always get cards when I was at the wedding, and my parents.

JosephineBaker · 20/04/2021 12:12

They wouldn’t sell “On Your Anniversary” cards if some people didn’t send them.

I send them to my parents, but no one else. MIL sends them to everyone.

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 12:15

@YellowTwinklyStar

That makes sense Sparklingbrook like it's nice they remembered they had a nice day rather than CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVEN'T DIVORCED!

Yes I don't see it as a 'Happy you Haven't Split up After All These Years' card, or a reward for staying together another year.

dotdashdashdash · 20/04/2021 12:15

I find it odd. My mum and best friend always send us an anniversary card, and whilst lovely, I do find it odd. DH and I barely mark it!

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 12:16

For balance I don't really see the point of birthday cards, and would gladly give them a miss personally.

GrandTheftWalrus · 20/04/2021 12:21

You've just reminded me it's my parents 40th wedding anniversary this year! Better get looking for a present.

Elsiebear90 · 20/04/2021 12:22

My mum expects us to send her an anniversary card and present every year and gets annoyed when we don’t, I told her that I barely celebrate my own anniversary (engaged, but stopped celebrating our yearly anniversary a few years ago) let alone someone else’s I don’t really get why you would try to pressure someone into sending you a card/gift if they have no interest in doing it. They didn’t get me a card or anything when I graduated with my masters degree, so I refuse to feel guilty for not sending them a card every year for their anniversary. I won’t expect one when we get married.

peboh · 20/04/2021 12:26

I think it's a generation thing. My mum, mil+fil and grandparents on both sides send us a card and gift every wedding anniversary whereas we don't to them. They don't expect us to, and have specifically told us not to but they don't listen when we tell them no.

bananaboats · 20/04/2021 12:27

I usually send one for the first anniversary if it's a close friend but that's the only time really unless they were having a specific celebration for it, e.g. golden wedding etc

YellowTwinklyStar · 20/04/2021 12:30

I guess some people a big card senders generally

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 12:33

@YellowTwinklyStar

I guess some people a big card senders generally

I do Birthdays, a couple of anniversaries and begrudgingly Christmas cards.

I bought a graduation card for DS and also cards when DC passed their driving tests. Also I send thank you cards and sympathy cards when appropriate.

Does that make me a 'big card sender'?

YellowTwinklyStar · 20/04/2021 12:38

I'm not sure! I like to send thank you and sympathy cards and new job/home cards. I think I must be a medium level card giver. I don't do easter cards. My inlaws are big card givers, both in size (they are always like little booklets with poems) and volume, if DH told them I had a cold I'd probably get sent a card! I expect the card shops have interesting market research on who gives what cards.

YellowTwinklyStar · 20/04/2021 12:39

I've reframed my thinking about anniversary cards after this thread though so now I might turn into a big card giver myself!

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 12:47

Forgot the new home/new job and new baby cards I also send. I must be a big card giver. Although those things don't happen weekly.

I also sent DS's friend a 'Good luck at University' card.

ShirleyPhallus · 20/04/2021 12:53

@YellowTwinklyStar

I guess some people a big card senders generally

Do you mean frequent card senders or do you literally mean big cards, like those huge A2 cards you see in cheapo card shops?!

GrumpyHoonMain · 20/04/2021 12:54

In some cultures wedding anniversaries are usually marked by the whole family, and the couple doing something alone is seen as selfish

CounsellorTroi · 20/04/2021 13:33

My inlaws used to send us a wedding anniversary card, but my own mum never did. My parents didn't make a big thing of their own wedding anniversary (they were together 19 years before my dad died) so I suppose it's what I'm used to. We celebrated our pearl wedding last year with a trip to Florence in between lockdowns.

I did give my former neighbours a card and a small gift for their new house, send sympathy cards for bereavements and always gave gifts for babies when family/friends were having them.

We don't have children - perhaps if we did we would feel more inclined to make a fuss about our milestone wedding anniversaries.

YellowTwinklyStar · 20/04/2021 13:38

ShirleyPhallus both. I think some people like sending lots of cards and some people like sending those massive cards! But in original context I meant frequent card senders.

YellowTwinklyStar · 20/04/2021 13:39

@Sparklingbrook

Forgot the new home/new job and new baby cards I also send.

I must be a big card giver. Although those things don't happen weekly.

I also sent DS's friend a 'Good luck at University' card.

I feel like there should have been "congrats on your covid vaccination" cards

longtompot · 20/04/2021 13:40

@CounsellorTroi

I think wedding anniversaries are for the couple. It also makes me cringe a bit when FB friends make a big thing of their anniversary. DH and I never do - not even the big ones. I know someone who puts up a wedding picture year after year.

You'd hate me and some of my friends 😬

I don't give cards to friends for their wedding anniversary but will do for big ones (silver etc). I do give them to my parents for theirs every year.

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 13:40

I have never sent a larger than normal (goes in the post box type) cards. I have never received one of those giant cards either, or a padded one in a box. Just normal sized cardboard ones.

YellowTwinklyStar · 20/04/2021 14:05

Sparklingbrook a high volume yet classical card sender.

To be honest I've missed being able to go into a card shop so I might turn into an ultra high volume sender. How many "just because" cards can I get away with sending in a year?

Sparklingbrook · 20/04/2021 14:09

Yes just a medium to high volume normal card sender.

Wanderlust20 · 20/04/2021 14:15

Normal in my family - my best friend, parents and brother/SIL get us an anniversary card. I do the same for them (nobody else though) - I think it's thoughtful.

Original poster

YummyButter · 20/04/2021 15:40

@nokidshere

I'm genuinely irritated by these type of threads.

How,can you just not understand that people are allowed to celebrate in whichever way they want? Have you been brought up in a cave? You've actually got to adulthood without seeing other people celebrate differently to you? It's almost as bad as the next set of answers which will almost certainly be of the "I'm so cool I can't even remember when I got married" type.

I genuinely don't understand how people are so willing to parade their ignorance and stupidity on a public forum.

@nokidshere

And somehow you've gotten to adulthood without realising that it's entirely unacceptable to bully someone online and call them stupid and ignorant. I guess we all have gaps in our knowledge, but at least I can safely say I'm not a nasty little bully

OP posts:

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