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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like an online dating idiot?

26 replies

Henmania · 19/04/2021 20:29

Single mum feeling very lonely at the minute.

Set up a profile on POF (yes I knowBlush) stating that I wasn't looking for anything serious but ideally searching for a guy for regular arrangement. I was very clear about what I'm looking for.

Got a lot of replies but only one guy really stood out. We've been messaging every day for over a month and pathetically I've become really used to talking to him. Lots in common, seemed very respectful, intelligent etc.

We arranged to meet up for a walk a fortnight ago, but he then had to cancel as he said he had to work. Fair enough, shit happens. We arranged to meet today for a afternoon coffee instead. Then I get a message this morning saying he's so sorry but he has an exam today (he's in the process of a career change) He said he wasn't normally this flakey and doesn't know how he forgot! I'll admit I was really pissed off and asked him did he just want to leave it. I explained I'd gone to trouble.of arranging child care and I really need a guy who can be reliable as I haven't much spare time.

He didn't reply and now he's blocked me! I feel like an utter fool for being strung along. I've been feeling so low lately and now feel even worse. How could I have been so stupid as to invest my time like that?Sad

OP posts:
blubberball · 19/04/2021 20:32

Sorry this happened. Just be glad that you didn't waste any more time with him. Hope you can dust yourself off and move on.

MissConductUS · 19/04/2021 20:35

It sounds like he already has a relationship and was just looking for attention.

Don't take it personally. Online dating is hard, but you can get lucky. I met my husband online in the 1990s and we're still together.

Ging7878 · 19/04/2021 20:35

Oh no. That's so so shit and for him to not even reply and just to block you is awful! Its even worse when you have got used to the daily messages, etc. You now know though that he is a prick and that you have had a lucky escape x

Incywincyspinsters · 19/04/2021 20:36

So you want a fuck buddy? Yeah, I’d really caution against meeting a man you only know through a free online dating site, just for a shag.

Original poster
Henmania · 19/04/2021 20:37

Thanks @blubberball I don't even consider myself to be particularly naive so don't know how I've managed to be so stupid. He seemed so genuinely on my wave length that my walker radar must have gotten muffled!

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 19/04/2021 20:37

I think the Americans would call this the trash taking itself out...

Original poster
Henmania · 19/04/2021 20:37

Walker sorry

OP posts:
Tangledtresses · 19/04/2021 20:38

You're not alone, it's happened to so many of my friends recently

Original poster
Henmania · 19/04/2021 20:39

@Incywincyspinsters Well where would you suggest I meet a 'fuck buddy'? I'm a single mum so not exactly much free time. What's wrong with wanting a bit of none serious male company? I was meeting him for coffee, not inviting a stranger to my house!

OP posts:
Tangledtresses · 19/04/2021 20:39

Is that you Z???

Original poster
Henmania · 19/04/2021 20:42

@MissConductUS Yes I've been thinking in a relationship tooSad He swore blind he wasn't obviously...

@Ging7878 I can't believe he blocked me! I'm both upset and utterly furious!

OP posts:
Original poster
Henmania · 19/04/2021 20:43

@Tangledtresses???? Sorry I don't understand???

OP posts:
RozHuntleysStump · 19/04/2021 20:45

I’d have given him another chance to be honest. It sounds like you got pretty angry with him and it’s upset him.

Original poster
Henmania · 19/04/2021 20:49

@RozHuntleysStump He cancelled on me twice and the second time with a pretty flakey excuse. What grown adult 'forgets' an exam? I think I can be forgiven for being a bit angry given I'd gone to the trouble of arranging chikd care? Surely a man worth anything would have taken it on the chin and appreciated why I'd be annoyed?

OP posts:
Happycat1212 · 19/04/2021 20:52

You’re upset and furious because someone you’ve never met blocked you? Sounds like you needed to get thicker skin tbh

RozHuntleysStump · 19/04/2021 20:53

Sorry didn’t see that it was the second time. However, I wouldn’t expect much from such a casual thing where it seems like it’s just about sex?

Original poster
Henmania · 19/04/2021 20:57

@RozHuntleysStump It's not just about sex. I'm looking for something a bit more than that but also can't commit to anything serious right now due to child care commitments etc. We seemed to be on the same page. I've spoken to so many guys and he was the only one I felt a spark with.

I probably do need a thicker skin. Or perhaps I might just leave it. It's a pointless waste of energy over a guy I've not even met!

OP posts:
User135644 · 19/04/2021 20:58

[quote Henmania]@RozHuntleysStump He cancelled on me twice and the second time with a pretty flakey excuse. What grown adult 'forgets' an exam? I think I can be forgiven for being a bit angry given I'd gone to the trouble of arranging chikd care? Surely a man worth anything would have taken it on the chin and appreciated why I'd be annoyed?[/quote]
If you're looking for something casual then the blokes are going to act casual.

bonfireheart · 19/04/2021 21:00

@Henmania pop over to the Relationships board, there's lots of good advice on there about online dating. Avoid AIBU.

Lockheart · 19/04/2021 21:01

Sorry you're disappointed, but unfortunately this is the nature of online dating. You'll talk to a lot of guys before you manage to get to a date with one! And you're not really even looking to date, you've specifically said you're looking for something casual. If you're this upset over someone you've never met ghosting you, how would you feel if you slept with someone and they did the same? Are you sure you're ready for a casual arrangement?

The worst thing he has done is be flaky with someone he never met and has no obligation to. It's frustrating, I agree, but he's done nothing wrong. Neither have you, this is just how things go sometimes.

Happycat1212 · 19/04/2021 21:02

Tbf if you’re online dating and just looking for sex the you’re probably gonna meet a lot of men who will just shag you once then ghost you anyway, so best to develop that thick skin now! Most men only want to “Fuck” part of fuck buddy and will move onto the next!

Purplealienpuke · 19/04/2021 21:06

Try a different site. FWB for example.
You may find someone more on the same page.
I met my ex fwb (2 years seeing each other) on Badoo. Not sure thats what I was actually looking for at the time but it worked ok for me .
Be honest with yourself and them. 💐

Ging7878 · 19/04/2021 22:31

I dont think you need a thicker skin. You just need people to be f##king kind and respectful. I completely understand why you're feeling shitty about this and woukd think it was strange if you didn't. Try and mark it up to experience now & dont let the arsehole take any more of your head up. Close the door. Move on. F##k him x

Holyjinglebells · 19/04/2021 23:06

Oh gosh, welcome to online dating... This and a lot worse happens ALL the time! Also, from what you've said in your bio, a lot of men will read this as 'only wants sex'

An0n0n0n · 19/04/2021 23:27

Men who want a casual thing want sex, not chat and certainly not earache for anything.

They give you the chat to get the sex.