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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell school about DS12's mates playing GTA?

56 replies

adhdpunchbag · 19/04/2021 17:00

It’s causing so many problems at home because his close school mates play it and we don’t let him. And it’s not just a case of saying no, end of. With his ADHD diagnosis and potentially ASD the mither and obsessing and moods about it are driving me to distraction. There’s been violence and damage to property.

And yes, some of them do play it. He's played it too at others houses occasionally. We weren't impressed.... We haven’t met his mates but some of them have similar traits to DS and a few are in one parent households. I know how hard it is living with that lethal combination and not to cave in as I’m in the same boat and without the support of his dad and his partner I probably would have done. Because we don’t know he kids we don’t know the parents so have no “in” there either.

Pastoral team at high school are good and I think telling them would a) enable them to discuss it in school with the kids and its (non)appropriateness and b) send a letter to parents reminding them it’s not a game for 12 year olds…. (Something similar happened in primary with Fortnite)

Or AIBU and should just crack on with it as a problem we have to solve on our own? It’s got fuck all to do with school.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 19/04/2021 17:03

No. It’s not your business and it’s not schools business at what someone else’s child plays at home

GoddessKali · 19/04/2021 17:06

Nice assumption there that single parent households have no control over their children Hmm

Are you honestly considering contacting a secondary school to inform them so of their students are playing GTA?! Good luck with that! You’ll get laughed out!

PhilCornwall1 · 19/04/2021 17:06

Its nothing to do with the school and the school can't tell parents what they can allow their children to play on a games console.

Wolfiefan · 19/04/2021 17:06

It has nothing to do with school. And maybe don’t let him go to the houses where there is that “lethal combination” (judgy much?Hmm)

Disneyforever1974 · 19/04/2021 17:08

Sorry but YABU this is a problem you are going to have to solve yourself. Have you tried telling him that he either has his games console without GTA or he has no games console at all? I think you are being naive to think that kids in school would listen and take note or that parents would change their behaviour because a letter came home from school

Skyatsky · 19/04/2021 17:10

Here Biscuit and get a life. It's not the other parents fault you can't control your child.

SionnachRua · 19/04/2021 17:12

If there's violence at home you need to deal with that. It's not the responsibility of other parents to change their parenting choices for you. Stand behind your choices.

Original poster
adhdpunchbag · 19/04/2021 17:12

Thanks for the comments. I thought of brazen it out on AIBU rather than posting on SEN.

Didn't mean imply all single parents have no control, I am one, but it's bloody hard in this respect.

OP posts:
Original poster
adhdpunchbag · 19/04/2021 17:13

@Disneyforever1974

Sorry but YABU this is a problem you are going to have to solve yourself. Have you tried telling him that he either has his games console without GTA or he has no games console at all? I think you are being naive to think that kids in school would listen and take note or that parents would change their behaviour because a letter came home from school
Yeah, this is where we are now. He's having a right pity party.
OP posts:
Lassy1945 · 19/04/2021 17:14

Your child has adhd, potentially asd and given your user name - sounds very very... intense
Other children don’t have these conditions and won’t be impacted the way YOUR son is.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 19/04/2021 17:14

YABU. You need to parent your own child rather than ask for restrictions on others. He might not like to hear no, or struggle to deal with it but unfortunately that's life.

Shinyandnew5708 · 19/04/2021 17:16

One parent household here with a 12 year old who plays GTA. Maybe you should speak with me directly? 🤣
You do know the age rating on games is recommended don’t you?
All my son does on GTA is drive a car around. I supervise him. He’s happy with this compromise and we have a calm, loving home.
Oh yes - I am in senior management in a secondary school.

PatrickBatemann · 19/04/2021 17:16

The school can't police what parents allow their children to play Hmm

minniemomo · 19/04/2021 17:17

Unfortunately it's neither yours nor the schools business even if it's unwise. It's nothing new, I remember kids being allowed to watch 18 certificate films when I was 11/12, I wasn't allowed and it annoyed me. Set the right boundaries for your child rather than worrying about others

Original poster
adhdpunchbag · 19/04/2021 17:18

@Lassy1945

Your child has adhd, potentially asd and given your user name - sounds very very... intense Other children don’t have these conditions and won’t be impacted the way YOUR son is.
Tell me... thanks for the understanding.
OP posts:
Original poster
adhdpunchbag · 19/04/2021 17:19

Sorry that potentially reads as sarcastic. It's not at all. I appreciate it x

OP posts:
minniemomo · 19/04/2021 17:19

Ps I play it and I'm a normal law abiding citizen, it's just escapism and mostly driving around (I'm no good at the shooting part)

MixedUpFiles · 19/04/2021 17:21

It’s none of the school’s business that 12yos are playing a video game.

Original poster
adhdpunchbag · 19/04/2021 17:23

@Shinyandnew5708

One parent household here with a 12 year old who plays GTA. Maybe you should speak with me directly? 🤣 You do know the age rating on games is recommended don’t you? All my son does on GTA is drive a car around. I supervise him. He’s happy with this compromise and we have a calm, loving home. Oh yes - I am in senior management in a secondary school.
We don't have a calm loving home all the time though. I try. I often fail, not at being calm but at achieving calmness in others....
OP posts:
Lassy1945 · 19/04/2021 17:23

Well there we go.

So you grasp that your child ensures conditions that make him more vulnerable to this kind of game.

But others - won’t be.

So surely seems unfair to you to change things to fit in with your son.

Lassy1945 · 19/04/2021 17:23

endures

imalmostthere · 19/04/2021 17:23

Please don't go to the school, you'll look like a loon

Original poster
adhdpunchbag · 19/04/2021 17:24

Fair point. And why I noted he wasn't NT in my post. But you are right, not necessarily relevant with regards to school.

OP posts:
MilduraS · 19/04/2021 17:24

As others have said, there's nothing the school can do so you'd just be creating more work for nothing with whoever picks up the phone. To be honest, if we had a teenager I'd rather they played GTA than FIFA. The anger and swearing I hear from my DH when he plays FIFA is something else. When he plays GTA he's so quiet I often forget he's at home.

luxxlisbon · 19/04/2021 17:25

"It’s causing so many problems at home because his close school mates play it and we don’t let him."

This not only has nothing to do with the school but nothing to do with other parents and their decisions. They don't need to parent differently so it lines up with yours and makes your life easier.

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