Anyone else see the double standards?

[NEVERQUIT3331]

We see posts of where a guy is 33, 34 going out with a 21, 22 year old woman (he is seen as predatory, rapist etc..

But we do not see the same outrage when women that are 40s have flings, relationships with men that are in their early/mid twenties.

In fact we see sometimes in newspapers where older women see it as complimentary that they are able to get a guy that is 20 -25 years old younger than them to go out with them.

Honest question, if you had/have a son and they are early 20s and they tell you that a woman who is 20 years old wants a relationship what would you say?

If you had/have a daughter and they were early 20s what would you say if they were interested in a man 20 years older?

I agree with you that older women who date younger men are celebrated while older men who date younger women are seen as pathetic old creeps,

I think it's is gendered- but in both ways

Ie- a bunch of 40year old men congratulate their mate for bagging a 21 year old. The wives of those men think he's a creep. Same when a 40yr old woman is seeing a 21 year old. Imo it's a bit grim both ways. But then, it's none of my business

If a 40 odd year old woman went out with my 20 something year old son I'd have to have strong words with her about what a nasty embarrassment she is.

I think it's because sex offenders and predators are seen as being overwhelmingly male, probably because they are. So when a woman is dating a much younger man it's not seen as creepy in the same way, because she's a woman therefore can't have any bad intent.

Also, society sees young women as being vulnerable in a way that it doesn't see men. An 18yo man is seen as capable of having a consensual relationship with an older woman. An 18yo woman is not seen as being capable, she needs protecting.

On the flipside, sexual assaults on women are taken much more seriously than sexual assaults on men.

my sons and their friends are far more immature then girls the same age.

I don't see women being celebrated for dating younger men.

Any examples?

@FireflyRainbow

If a 40 odd year old woman went out with my 20 something year old son I'd have to have strong words with her about what a nasty embarrassment she is.

I'm sure that would do wonders for your relationship with your adult son.

In my circles it wouldn’t be celebrated no matter who was the older and who was younger. Same judgment would apply.

It’s about relative age though, not just age gap. 20-40 is usually grim. 35-55 could work.

I think I wouldn’t judge the relationship

I might judge HOW they met each other as it could involve manipulation and grooming. In this day and age the way people meet each other is not designed for people who are not of equal experience and life outlook.

But there are instances from both sides where I didn’t judge such relationships. And it might work out well actually.

I do think for me it depends on whether when meeting each other the person was specifically looking for young ones or whether it was that they found someone that they beleived had amazing character and felt the age gap can be worked out. But approached the younger one without potentially grooming them.

If it were my son, I’d want to know how they met and what he was looking for in a marriage. It’s rare cases that men prefer older women but they’re not all for wrong reasons

I don’t see an issue with either sex in their 20’s dating someone in their 40’s. I would have an issue with either sex being still in their teens and dating someone in their 40’s.

I agree entirely.

You see it when adults molest children too, people react vastly different to a female teacher raping a teenage boy than a male teacher raping a teenage girl. It's appalling.

Mind you, it is ridiculously easy to attract an older man if youre a younger woman.

@stackemhigh

I don't see women being celebrated for dating younger men.

Any examples?

Joan Collins vs Dick van Dyke. Admittedly dick van dyke's wife(?) Is a lot younger than him, but my opinion of him changed when I found out. It's none of my business obviously and I'm unreasonable, but it did.

If there were an equal number of toy boy relationships and an equal amount of, er, erotica for women featuring teenage boys with names like Barely Legal, and if men were pressured not to age the way women are, I might think you had a point.

I don't think older women with younger men are celebrated in particular, though. Cougar has negative connotations.

Adam Taylor Johnson. Knew his now wife since he was a child and relationship started before he had turn 18.
I think if it was a man people would comment on it, but because she is a woman nothing is said.

While I do think physical attraction sparks the initial instincts within us especially when young, but I think humans have evolved in that there is more to a person that could attract a long term relationship than just looks.

Often young men who look for a relationship with older women are attracted to the emotional security element, and stability. Same as women who look for financial security and emotional stability in an older man.

I think that, men have potential of predatory and women have potential of emotional manipulation so an older man marrying a younger woman and vice versus should be scrutinised by someone socially more experienced to ensure no grooming going on..

But I think as far as relationship dynamic go, i could see why it could fulfill and emotional need and be healthy.

Not all relationships are interdependent. Ideally they should be but many aren’t. And age is the least of our concerns to be honest.

I think this is the only instance where women are treated less harshly, but I think in general, I’m ok with that. You don’t tend to get women getting older and older but only dating 20 year olds, basically using them as trophies. I can think of two - the French prime minister and actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Both of their wives are very judged in media, in a way that I haven’t seen with the myriad old men who are married to young women in their 20s.

I’m also not sure it’s fair to say that women who rape young boys (in school settings for example) are less harshly judged. They tend to be fewer and further between, and therefore their crimes are made more an example of.

I also don’t believe that men who are raped have their crimes taken less seriously. I think they report less out of shame - but I don’t think they have the same ‘were you drunk what were you wearing’ type accusations thrown at them that female victims of rape do.

Happy to read sources to the contrary.

Can’t say what my person feelings would be as my children are still children but I suspect I’d feel weird about it.

In life generally it's the opposite.

Men dating much younger women is normalised and constantly shoved down our throats in the media. Most male celebs and male public figures have much younger girlfriends and wives and no one blinks. There are plenty of famous actors in their 30s and 40s who have dated teenage girls. Boris Johnson's fiancee is 23 years younger than him. Most movies feature romantic or sexual relationships between older men and younger women. And not a 30yr old man dating a woman in her 20s, men in their 50s and 60s dating characters played by twenty-something actresses or even teens.

Powerful wealthy men are never castigated for dating women half their age, but their much younger female partners are painted as gold diggers and sluts and trashed in the media. How many rock stars and celebs have openly dated underage girls in the past aged 15, 14, even 13 and even now people just go "oh well it was a different time". A 50-something actor married a 16 year old girl and this was just a few years ago!

Look how many cases there are of actresses playing the mother to a male actor who's the same age or maybe like 4 years younger than them, while their love interest is played by an actress 30 years younger. Normalised.

You almost never see the opposite unless it's to mock the woman and make her out to be sad, laughable "cougar".

So IF there's a culture here of celebrating the opposite, it's probably in opposition to that.

But I don't think there is. I've never seen young men painted as rapists and predators for dating 20-something adult women, maybe for dating teenage girls but not 20-somethings. The Prince Andrew threads are full of messages about how the girl he alleged raped was "old enough to know what she was doing" and she was underage according to the laws of one of the countries they had sex in!

@FireflyRainbow

If a 40 odd year old woman went out with my 20 something year old son I'd have to have strong words with her about what a nasty embarrassment she is.

Would you also have strong words with your son about what an embarrassment he is?

I couldn’t get worked up about 2 adults dating. I definitely wouldn’t call a man in his 30s any of those names you suggested if he dated a woman in their 20s. I’d keep my nose out and keep my judgement in check.

@Francescaisstressed

Adam Taylor Johnson. Knew his now wife since he was a child and relationship started before he had turn 18. I think if it was a man people would comment on it, but because she is a woman nothing is said.

Nothing was said?! That was only one article.

Article about Doug Hutchison who married a 16 year old at the age of 51. Admittedly this is his ex wife’s account after the divorce but even her parents allowed it?!

@FailedActor you’ve put into words what I was trying to say, but much more eloquently!

@FireflyRainbow

If a 40 odd year old woman went out with my 20 something year old son I'd have to have strong words with her about what a nasty embarrassment she is.

Would you also say that your daughter if she was 21, 22 dating a guy who is 40?

Look at the French President he essentially married his "teacher." But how often will you see people saying "she is a predator, rapey etc.."

If it was the other Macron was 40 and he married a 22, 23 year old woman you will hear things like "he only married her cause he could not find a woman his age." "he is a predator." "The relationship is imbalanced poor girl does not know what she got into."